


The Seeds We Grow

by Miss Hiraya (Miss_Hiraya)



Series: pandesal and mamon chronicles [1]
Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: Alpha Josh, Alpha Justin, Alpha Stell, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Domestic, Angst, Author has too many feels, Bottom Josh, Bottom Sejun, Brief discussion of depression and suicidal attempt, Canon Divergence, Dads!ship, Did i say fluff? Pfft, Domestic Fluff, Everybody Hurts, Everybody is trying though, Explicit Sexual Content, First Impressions, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Josh as CEO, Justin is a doctor, Ken is Josh's adopted stray cat, Ken is a model, Knotting, Let's hurt tonight, Loss, M/M, Married Couple SeJosh, Matchmaker Stell, Mating Bites, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Miscarriage, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Not Beta Read, Omega Ken, Omega Sejun, Platonic JoKen, Platonic StellJun, SeJosh banter, SeJosh switch, Sejosh - Freeform, Sejun as a composer, Sejun is also a college professor, Side KenTell, Stell as the coffee shop owner, Stell is Sejun's nanny, Timeskips Ahead, Top Josh, Top Sejun, Trainee Days, and Stell's brother, and also licensed architect, are you ready for a ride?, bardagulan, because of course, life after debut, pandesal and mamon, the bakery couple, versa couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:48:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 46,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28231938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Hiraya/pseuds/Miss%20Hiraya
Summary: In a way, their love didn't exactly start with fireworks and the world stopping as soon as they glanced at each other, no.Theirs is a story tested by time- one alpha who knew no pack since birth, and one omega who didn't quite fit in by anybody's standards. Their beginning started from a broken promise and shattered dreams.
Relationships: John Paulo Nase | Sejun & Josh Cullen Santos, John Paulo Nase | Sejun/Josh Cullen Santos, Josh Cullen Santos & Felip Jhon Suson | Ken, Ken & Josh & Justin & Sejun & Stell, Stellvester "Stell" Ajero & John Paulo Nase | Sejun, Stellvester "Stell" Ajero/Felip Jhon Suson | Ken
Series: pandesal and mamon chronicles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068101
Comments: 24
Kudos: 19





	1. Impossible Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> I missed ABO SeJosh verse so much that my head spun an entire universe of it. Here's everything that happened before pandesal and mamon became soon to be daddies. I hope you enjoy!

Josh met him on his fourth day in training. The guy has been here for longer than most of the trainees, him included, but he's never noticed until his fourth day. Which was a bit surprising, to be honest. He was a tall man, with a demure demeanor off rehearsals but with a powerful presence on the stage. His scent is a mix of strong, black coffee in the mornings and a hint of melted powdered sugar. 

Josh isn't a fan of that scent, but he doesn't hate it either. Fact is, he normally has a keener sense of smell than most, and even though the scent was weak and faint, Josh should practically notice the unmistakable smell of caffeine from a few feet away-

But he didn't notice. Not right away. Not until they were placed in the same group some four days of him entering the company's auditions.

Everybody calls him _Sejun_ , but there's nothing Korean in his features. It didn't sit well with him immediately, like it's more pretentious than he'd like for a guy like him. Josh had years worth of observing people and seeing right through their motives, and Sejun struck him immediately as someone with a degree confidence sprinkled with weirdness and self-centeredness.

Which is not bad. Just weird. Sometimes adorable. Like how he's often seen to himself, mumbling and flapping his hands like he's chanting of arguing with someone invisible. Like how sometimes he laughs out loud and messily, or fucks up his steps and proceeds to channel his inner Michael Jackson moves. He slaps his forehead whenever he misses his lines and forgets his position on stage like somehow there's a reset button up there.

Also kind of annoying, how he passive-aggressively pushes his ideas to the front of the group like he's the next messiah of music or something. He's not always wrong, but it didn't mean he made it sound good. Josh would inwardly roll his eyes whenever Sejun did that, concluding that the guy indeed is some sort of gifted genius, but one that needs to work on his personality.

It'd take him to the last, maybe top ten trainees, but he doubted he'd last further. 

Thinking about himself, the normal guy with a soap-opera worth of life background and self-taught skills, Josh doubted he'd last even that far.

But who knows? Maybe he's wrong about the guy, and maybe if he's wrong there, then he could be wrong in the assessment of his own self, too. 

He didn't hope. He didn't wish. Josh had neither prayers nor wishes that helped him to where he was now. He didn't believe in luck. He believed in very few things, in fact, and one of them was himself.

* * *

Soon enough, when their numbers decreased over time, rumors began to spread among the trainees left behind. Rumors about the management picking up their bets for the core members of the group they're debuting by next year. Sejun became a name whispered amongst them, while the guy had the audacity to laugh it off as a joke. 

Kind of insulting, for anyone else who had to fight for that spot every day with everything they got. Like himself. Josh didn't make the list. Not yet. But he'll work harder, he knew, if he wanted to get that spot.

But seeing Sejun from afar, still the same kind of weird guy genius, but with a little tamer personality now, he couldn't help but to think bitterly. Some just were born that way, huh. The talent, the looks of an alpha that could make any omega swoon, and stature that betas and alphas can get jealous of. 

A happy, whole family too. But Josh was long over that part.

No matter, though. He'll make it. Even if he had to reconstruct the constellations above, he would. He's given up everything he had for this path. He'll be damned if he'd waste it in the end.

* * *

He's the last to make it. Oh, well at least he made it. One of them dropped out for some shady reason nobody knew, so he recommended a name in.

Ken Suson, an acquaintance he made in one of the contests he'd joined before. An omega with a quiet and mysterious but strong personality. Ken's great at dancing and has a deep voice that contrasted nicely with the group. He just needed to adjust a bit personality-wise, as he's used to a culture just slightly different from this. His teacher praised him for that good find, joked that he might be a good talent scout.

The idea isn't that bad. Maybe he'll consider, in the distant future.

Anyway, that made two alphas and two betas and one omega in yhe group. Sejun got appointed as the leader. Which was..

Not unfair. He still needed to work on his lone-alpha persona, but he could think of nobody else who could lead the pack like this. One thing he admired of the guy is that he didn't make a big deal of second-genders anyway, but he took care of them and their craft like any alpha was expected to be. Sejun was stern, meticulous, and a perfectionist. He makes no room for mistakes. And that's obviously what their group needed.

Josh himself was the eldest alpha in the group, but he found the management's decision to be perfect, still. Maybe it's the deeply ingrained instinct that was taught to him by the sisters in his orphanage, when everybody thought the runt like him was going to be an omega. Maybe it's his insecurities bowing to the sheer talent and genius of that alpha. Maybe it's his intuition that their teacher insisted he had that aligned perfectly with the guys up in the management. 

Whatever reason it was, Josh knew that his heart and mind was settled. Besides, he had an important position too- lead dancer and lead rapper.

He penned his stage name after his given initials, _JC_. It had a nice ring to it.

* * *

The management made them debut with a ballad. Nobody expected it to propel them to stardom fast, but nobody also expected it to flop hard either. It did, though. All three years of training, exchanged for a song that didn't even reach any peak nor made any noise in the swamped music industry.

They tried to wait it out, continued to perform their one single along with other dance covers. Tried to be "hopeful" and hardworking for almost a year, even. 

Nothing happened. The stress and pressure was piled into a management that had invested too much and received less. And that pressure was dumped unto the five of them to do better, or else. Like they weren't struggling enough to make it through the day with three good meals as it is, all to spend it on their gigs with barely 20 people cheering for them.

Josh wasn't optimistic, never was. He was practical and realistic. The most he's gambled for a dream was this, but he knew when to pull the brakes. Perhaps it was too late, but at least if he quit now there would still be time for him to restart. It was for the best.

Even if the tears that fell were salty to his lips, he gritted his teeth and pretended to toughen up. As always. He had no choice. This was his gamble, and this was his consequence.

Did it mean it hurt less? Of course not. All his life, he never was happy long enough before the heavens reminded him not to be. He was born a runt, abandoned in a dumpster. That alone should have been his end, but some people with misplaced charity gave him another shot at life like a debt he needed to pay. And when he tried to live it, some other things happen and push him down to the mud again. Like they just find amusement from the melodrama of his life.

And it's not. Fair. He is trying. He has done nothing but try his _goddamned_ best ever since he could remember.

It's not fair.

"Come back."

The phone rang, and it stopped him from digging his fingernails further into his scalp.

"We'll make it this time, promise."

Maybe he wasn't at the lead for this reason, too. When he's already thinking of quitting, all Sejun did was send a short message like it's enough to drag him back to the studio.

* * *

It's enough. And apparently, it's also more than enough to bring out Sejun's rare toothy smile. Josh tried not to take it to heart, but it's hard. He chalked it up to being too wrung out from his breakdown yesterday. It's easier feel an once of warmth in his heart, for feeling needed and visible, when he was already vulnerable.

The five of them sat around the table again, with Sejun bringing his laptop and playing a familiar track with unfamiliar lyrics. Every word was their story, their trials, their truths behind the cameras. The rest was too optimistic for his taste, but somehow it made him feel better.

Better, now that he's surrounded by four people whose eyes were as red and swollen as his, but whose smiles were less brittle and more glowing.

"Okay. I have a good feeling about it." Josh found himself beaming, and in that moment, he felt confident again.

* * *

They tried. Waited, trained hard, promoted everywhere. Josh prayed for it, even when he's lost his belief in it anymore.

  
This time, it's their teacher who broke the news. There's just no way out now but to fall apart, and hope they find better wind as lone birds out of the flock. That day,they had no choice- they were going back to lone wolves without a pack.

"Where will you go?" Josh mumbled after Ken, who he had dragged all the way here from his home for a dream that was not worth the pain in the end. 

Ken just shrugged, a sad smile on his tear-streaked face. He didn't say anything, just waved a goodbye that's most likely to be their last. "I'll be fine, Jayce. I know you will be, too."

 _Jayce_. JC. Huh, he's not sure the stage name still existed now. Still, he made the younger omega promise to call if he needed something and not to do something stupid. Ken just snorted and shook his head, "Yeah, alright. You two sound like my parents."

  
"Who?"

But Ken's already stepped into the night, back disappearing from his sight. Josh watched for a long time before going back inside, willing the last strength in his legs to get him home before he inevitably broke down again. In his hurry to get back to his locker, he almost stumbled over a crouched figure.

Again, he's too late to notice this giant obstacle blocking his way to his destination. Said obstacle was also trying to sob quietly, if spectacularly failing to do so. 

"Sejun?"

The younger's head flinched and turned to look at the direction of the unexpected visitor, only finding Josh standing awkwardly in the room. He hastily wiped at his tear-blotched face, which was useless by now. Josh had seen everything already, and really, he couldn't judge. It had been a long day.

He sighed and sat opposite the obviously crestfallen leader, nudging the other's legs so he could get some space. Sejun grunted, but relented with a little shove. 

He admitted that he's not good with this. Normally, Josh knew what to say or to do, not because he was an alpha taught to be an omega, but because he had enough experience to comfort. He's done it many times to himself, after all. But with Sejun, his fellow alpha in the pack, who never really showed an inch of weakness despite being a flawed character, it wasn't a matter of finding the right words. It was a matter of finding the words that the other would hear and take to heart.

Out of everyone, Josh knew he'd take it the hardest even when he shouldn't.

"Sorry, I just had to drag it out." Sejun spoke, staring at Josh with a heavy set of eyes that bore down to his soul.

Sejun smiled then, lifting his head to look at the ceiling as if he's just thinking about the schedule for tomorrow (there won't be, not anymore). "… I should have listened. Kyle knew, that's why he quit."

  
Come to think of it, nobody really knew why one of them quit just as when the five of them were chosen. Josh chuckled anyway, and he thanked all deities above his voice didn't crack. "Oh, wow. Now you're indulging gossips, Sejun? That's not very leaderlike of you."

Sejun scoffed, rolling his head to the side to stare back at Josh idly. He smiled, "Well, you're here, and you already hate me even if you don't know this so I might as well indulge."

"I don't hate you, you're just annoying and a nagger sometimes." Josh answered honestly. Sejun barked out a laugh.

"That's why you glare at me at any given time??" 

Josh huffed indignantly, cheeks puffed and eyes averted. Did he glare at him that much? Sometimes, he did admit to doing so, whether it's when Sejun is being his obnoxious (silly) self, or when he's checking every technicality before performance. Josh wanted to learn, wanted to know how the man thought and how he does things, so maybe he won't do them on his own next time-

But all the _time_???

"I don't blame you. You probably tolerated me all this time for nothing. Kyle was right, there was nowhere for a group lead by an omega. That's just not how it works."

_Wait, what._

"What?"

"It's me, Jayce. It's my fault. I couldn't lead. Couldn't write good enough songs, couldn't hope to steer a group to a spot under the sun. Couldn't be enough. All because I wasn't supposed to be in this position in the first place."

"You're an omega? But you-"

"But I don't look like it?" Sejun's expression closed off in a blink, and Josh had never backpedaled so quickly in his life until now.

"Well, yes. But you said it yourself none of those really matter. That's why I like-I mean you're tolerable than most." The older stuttered in his haste.

Sejun thankfully missed the slip-up, thank God, since Josh was pretty sure he couldn't explain enough that he doesn't like Sejun that way without sounding defensive.

Which, really, was awkward enough.

"Then, I was wrong. Everything I said was just me denying the way nature is, for some hope that I could be different." 

The younger fiddled with the strap of his black backpack that's no doubt blotched with snot and tears by now. In that moment, Josh didn't see the Sejun that he was used to- formidable, strict, and slightly annoying with his perfectionist streak. This was Sejun without his striking confidence and commanding presence. This was a side that was never shown to them to the very last second until they fell apart.

Well, except Josh.

He wondered if he should have seen this at all. 

Sejun was already standing, a solemn apology on his lips directed to Josh and the promise he broke. The older was still trying to process everything in the last minutes, but as soon as he heard the door open he finally snapped back to reality.

"Sejun,"

The man stopped, and Josh finally saw right through Sejun's falling mask. Fear, anger, disappointment. All in display like a gaping wound. It was like looking into a mirror, but Josh denied that the look didn't fit the younger. This was supposed to be the guy he'll beat soon if he tried hard enough, the guy who'll always get into his nerves with just a simple tease or a nudge to the admittedly right direction, the guy who's not perturbed by gossip and downright mockery. He's supposed to remain that annoying leader of theirs, who he both respected and hated the hell out of (but not really). Then again, Josh and all of them had been fooled of that mask all along. 

"I don't hate you."

Sejun nodded in the slightest, while his face struggled to keep an unaffected expression, "Take care, _Jayce_."

"This isn't your fault."

Josh was responded with a ringing silence after a weak door closing.


	2. Second Wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been years since their failed debut. Paulo's moved on in his life, content to write songs out of the limelight. 
> 
> He's also gained the company of one nosey, overly friendly cafe owner Stell Ajero. One who'll stop at nothing to bring spice to his nonexistent love life, just because he doesn't have anything else to do other than brew his damned coffees.

"You're an idiot." A freshly made coffee, black and bitter as his old soul, sat neatly in front of him. Paulo smirked, pretending to scroll down his phone for more of his daily memes dosage. "I think you've established that a long time ago, Stell. But okay, I'll bite. Why is it this time?"

The owner of the name was a tall, handsome and broad-shouldered man who sat down indignantly in front of Paulo with a mighty scowl. He crossed his arms and leaned back with a huff, "You stood Gerard up! With a stupid excuse, again! That's what, the four-"

  
"Fifth time? Sixth? Does that asshole on the train count?"

  
"What is it this time, John Paulo Nase? Bad odor, ugly beard, or God forbid the wrong choice of clothes? What? Did he sit wrong? Breathe wrong? What?"

"Oh, calm down Stell…" Paulo finally took pity on his friend, who was already close to taking a swing at him at such an early hour. It would be another record, but he's just shaved today. He'd like to keep his face fine for now, thanks. The omega reached out to pinch the younger's nose.

He'll take this overly protective, overly nosey, overly emotional Stell any day. It's more animated compared to the first time they met, for one.

Sometimes he thought of regretting to pass by that bridge in Kyoto at an ungodly hour. Although, he never really had the heart to push through that idea. Meeting Stell, no matter how horrible that night was, would always be one of his better life decisions.

Apparently, he's made fewer of those these days. Leaving the new guy Stell chose for him in his well-organized plan to get him a potential mate, was being added to his list of bad decisions as of just now.

To be fair, Gerard was one of Stell's nicer suggestions. Good manners, has a stable job in a law firm, a well-toned body under the sinfully tight dress shirt a nice earthy scent on him too. Stell knew the guy from the gym, so they're good buddies at least. He's nothing but a gentleman the whole time, and that's the thing. Gerard reeked of all good things any omega would fawn over, but not Paulo. Gerard just.. coddled too much. He insisted on the traditional ways that kept omegas to a pedestal- a glass prison of sorts- as if they'd break without anyone's protection. Insisted to take the bill, take the lead in conversations, even made a show of bailing out of the restaurant when Paulo's order came in too many minutes after his. They all made Paulo feel lightheaded with too many conveniences to feel weary. In experience, those kind of people were usually compensating for something.

Now, whether it be a nasty behavior, or a lack of performance in bed- he wouldn't know. Didn't want to know. So he bailed, trusting his instinct the moment it acted up.

"He's too nice." He finally shrugged in return.

"He's.. okay, explain? How is that bad? You don't like assholes, and you don't like people who are nice..?" Stell stirred the coffee that was meant to be for his customer slash best friend. Out of frustration, he picked the spoon up and took a sip himself to calm down.

Paulo let it be. Stell's the only person he let's off the hook with taking his ambrosia like that. Instead, he waited for the younger to finish scrunching his nose at the pure unadulterated agony of the hot drink. "People who are too nice don't exist. They're either closeted maniacs or really, really bad at something. And I'm not about to uncover any of that stuff, Stell."

He put the phone down finally, fingers steepled on the table with a teasing glint in his hues. "And besides, if I wanted someone to coddle me that much, I'd have hired a nanny. Oh wait, I already have one." He pinned his stare on Stell unabashedly.

Stell just rolled his eyes to high heavens, but at least his shoulders dropped its tensed posture. "Sometimes I'm this close to believing you, and then you tease me like that."

"That's what brothers do."

"Eurgh. Drink your sludge of suffering, Paulo. I feel goosebumps whenever you get sappy."

"Aww, Stelly~~~"

"Stop ittttt. Anyway, I'll find you a guy soon since you're honestly not putting an effort despite growing older each day-"

"I'm literally just a year older than you."

  
"At least I know how to fish in the sea!"

  
Paulo cocked his head with smirk, "With a big ass ship and a big ass net. You don't just fish, Ajero, you _harvest_."

  
"More like trying to find a needle in s haystack. I just happen to be good at finding haystacks than needles, but! I'll find my guy, for sure because I'm actually _trying_ to." Stell huffed and made the spoon clink with the rim of the cup. Stell has definitely improved from the guy Paulo met on that bridge. Paulo shuddered remembering those pair of eyes that were so lifeless they looked like the abyss itself. Worse, h was one step left before succumbing to the darkness within himself. 

It was like staring at his own demons, but where Paulo was content to run away- literally fly to Japan to run from everything (his failures, his family's disappointment, and his own) and wander aimlessly- Stell found his solution in jumping from a nameless bridge.

  
"I can't possibly make a metaphor from haystacks and needles to reference your playboy tendencies, Stell. Can we please just stick to the fish in the sea metaphor?"

"I'm not going to hear you say I'm metaphorically fucking all the fishes in the sea either, John Paulo. Let's just.. not use metaphor altogether."

  
Stell has more zeal for life now, running his own coffee shop that was getting another branch in the works. He's also actually thinking of putting up a dance studio to get back on his first love, trying to rope Paulo to cooperate too since he's a former (failed) artist.

While Paulo has come a long way from that phase of his life where he felt like drowning in quicksand, he's still not sure if he's up for that already. He's barely the man he was before- the one who loved performing so much that he gave up everything to it. Now, he still loves his music but performing, even in front of one person…

He's learned his lesson.

Besides, he's fine being a composer these days. He's got flexible schedule, didn't get the burden of being responsible for other people, didn't get the spotlight that was never meant for him. Just his songs. Nobody would know it came from him, and if they flopped, then nobody would blame it on the fact that he's omega in an industry dominated and run by alphas. 

That wasn't his main source of income, anyway. He was a professor in his college alma mater, teaching Music and Linguistics. See, he kept himself quite busy.

It's not like he hates the alphas, and their undisputed dominance over the society either. Stell is his bestfriend, brother from another mother, and he's alpha. The rare kind of good one that cares and has a big heart, but would also take no shit from someone like Paulo. Someone who loved past the genders and the roles the society dictated. Someone who made Paulo feel appreciated, but not made to feel inferior and invalidated.

Someone who could say to his face that he was being annoying, and mean it without malice. Someone who'd forgive his shit, despite his shortcomings.

_"I don't hate you."_

Huh. It's funny. That memory always came back to him like an old friend, reminding him of yet another of his terrible decisions in life. Aside from giving his teammates a false thread of hope that is.

It reminded him of that time when he finally admitted to himself that he liked someone, just as their paths diverged.

That was the last time in a long while. Falling in love, that is. Stell might be overly enthusiastic in finding him the perfect mate, but Paulo's not in a rush. He might not even find it in this lifetime. It wasn't a nice thought to sleep to, but what can he do?

Who could even take him in? This omega who didn't look and acted the part?

Stell's optimistic enough for the both of them. And he appreciated it, really. But Stell tended to be a bit biased, wherever he was involved.

"Now, off the table. I'm writing my lesson plan."

"You never follow them, pfft." 

* * *

Despite wanting to maintain his anonymity, he still prefered to do business by himself than hire someone to do them on his stead. He's a private person, not a pompous jerk.

So, like this time where he's agreeing to write for a new company, he put an effort to make himself human and decent. That's actually why he's shaved today, and why he's wearing a nice get-up. Not too much; he didn't want to come off as high-maintenance. Not too shabby either; he's not that much of a slob as much as Stell likes to point out most of the time.

He gave the driver the address to the company. It's apparently a newly-built one, just starting to take off since last year. He was actually surprised that he was called in by one of their staffs, formally and politely, saying they would love to work with him. They said it was for an upcoming boy group- which both left him with bad memories and a hopeful taste in his mouth for the next generation. From quick research, it really looked like they were being handled well.

They just needed him to help with producing the beats and sounds. Apparently, their boss liked his previous works so that's why he's here, wading through traffic to get to that 1PM appointment. Good thing he had no classes lined up that afternoon.

What he expected was to feel nostalgic, stepping into a building that was not unlike the company he auditioned for nine years ago. He expected the memories coming back as he passed by the training halls, his younger self dancing in front of walled mirrors and inside a studio that was cramped and smelled of sweat, pheromones and air freshener. 

He expected to feel that familiar fire in his gut, rekindled by the contagious passion occupying the air courtesy of the young and optimistic new breed of trainees.

What he didn't expect was a figure of his past literally appearing in front of him, not as a figment of his nostalgia, but a real fixture in his present.

"Hi. You look as bitchy as ever, Sejun- or should I call you _Pablo_ now, as you now go with these days?" 

The confidence, overflowing from a smaller stature but fuller build. The sharp smirk that could either be harmless or cunning. Those deep, brown hues that held the owner's life story, if only one would take a moment to read it. The scent that reminded him of burning campfires in the middle of autumn nights, warm and homely but also whose embers crackle into the skies like a spear to pierce the chill of the night. And of course, the audacity to taunt him the first minute of their meeting.

"Jayce.." Paulo echoed the older man's stage name, "I shouldn't be surprised that the first thing you greet me with is a subtle context of you asking me to punch you." He snarked back.

The poor beta between them, the secretary it seemed, coughed awkwardly before Jayce burst into a chuckle. Sejun's blank expression also melted in that instant. 

"It's okay, Arissa. This is how we normally talk. He's an old friend."

Old friend, he was. Paulo couldn't help but feel relieved, despite Jayce bringing him memories of their distant shared past. Jayce was one of his better memories; the alpha who was always brutally honest with him and kept him in check, but without malice nor bitterness despite their difference in positions and roles in the group. The one who always had his back in interviews, and one who was the first to support his ideas because they were good and not because they were said by himself.

"You're an actual CEO now, Jayce. You can call me either names." Paulo shrugged, but didn't actually forget why he's here in the first place.

Jayce too, and he enthusiastically steered the conversation with an easy smile, "Aw, old habits die hard. But I'll try to call you Paulo, if you'll call me Josh? I haven't exactly been Jayce for a long, long time now. Also makes better connection, don't you think? Considering I'm trying to woo you into lending your prowess to us." 

Honestly? If asked, signing up was already a no-brainer for him, but it's been too long since he saw this Jayce- playful and cunning and charismatic but at the same time serious about wanting something. Too long even, since that kind of attention was directed to himself. Paulo smiled, letting himself in indulging the other, "Right. You know how I like my coffee-"

"Black and dull." Jayce retorted even as he invited the younger to sit down on one of the conference chairs. Paulo chuckled but didn't disagree. Arissa then excused herself to get that caffeine as if his cooperation was staked at that request.

That left them alone together in the conference room, with the innocent folder containing the contract to be signed. 

Whatever wind that came to Paulo, though, he didn't know. All he knew was that in the next instant, he began saying,

"You know I'm not going to reject the offer, right?"

  
Jayce hummed, leaning back on his own chair with a thoughtful expression. "I want to know why,"

"I think you know," 

"Because I'm your friend?"

  
Paulo smiled at the other's childish and innocent answer. "Well, that… And I want to make it up to you, and then see you how well you've been doing."

"Psh. We can always talk about that and more over food and alcohol. Come on, if we hurry, I can bring us to that bar I like-"

"It will take me more than just a couple of beers and free food to get into your bed, Josh Cullen Santos." The omega snorted, but it was laced with a playful tease that the other picked up on immediately.

"My bed is nice and comfy, okay."

  
"Sure, it is, CEO." But Paulo's already pulling the folder to himself and clicking the nearby pen. In seconds, his curved signature was already carved into the desired spaces neatly. 

"You know.." The other piped in, "We could have put a clause there that you could regret signing up to, and you never read it."

"Did you?" The omega mock-glared, complete with a raised, judgemental eyebrow.

"Well, no…"

"Good."

"So.. That was fast. You're agreeing to me taking you out, though? Catch up and talk?" The CEO took the papers back and piled them neatly back into the folder, with only a mild surprise on his face as he did so.

Paulo twirled the pen around his fingers, grinning toothily, "Not yet. If I recall, I was offered coffee."

The older alpha laughed, shaking his head. "Still a caffeine zombie, then."

It should be weird, two adults in their late twenties exchanging banters back and forth like it's not the first the first time they've seen each other for literal years. But Paulo couldn't help it, falling back into those memories and old conveniences like a reflex. And by the looks of it, Ja- Josh, (he's really going to have to get used to that) is enjoying this too- this piece of past that they both share in this present time.

Himself picking up that call was turning out to be one of his better decisions in life. Which, really, Paulo wouldn't complain of. After all, that list was sorely lacking in content nowadays. 

* * *

  
The look on Stell's face when he walked into his shop was worth it. Paulo thought the guy should be more thankful he chose the time when the shop wasn't bustling in with college students rushing in to get their caffeine dose, or workers trying to insert a human necessity into their busy morning schedule. So when Stell inevitably short-circuited from behind the counter, jaw-dropped and all, nobody else saw how stupid the eye-candy owner looked.

"Y-"

  
"Stell, calm down." Paulo tried to hide his impending laugh. Jayce probably caught on to half of the joke and just smiled, extending his hand politely while Stell scrambled to get his shit together and shake the hand.

"Hello, I'm Josh. Sejun's old friend."

" _You're_ old." Paulo rolled his eyes while Stell's honey eyes practically sparkled even behind his spectacles.

  
"Sejun? Oh, do you mean you guys go _that_ way back?? That's perfect! I'm Stell! I'm this guy's babysitter."

  
"You have a babysitter?" Jayce looked to the younger omega, both teasing and ridiculously amused.

"I'm baby." Paulo noted seriously, a hand over his chest and all that, "Fragile. If you two are done making me regret my choices in friends, can we please get a move on." He deadpanned.

"Oh, speaking of friends! Are you that Stell who needs an architect for your project?" Jayce remembered the name from one of their talks from last week.

  
Stell beamed, clapping his hands together once. "Yeah! Do you guys know anyone? It is easier for me to trust them when they're known by my friends, you know-"

"Stell, we have all day to stand in this counter."

"Right! Black coffee for your demanding ass, and yours, Josh?"

"Aww," The guy scratched his head a bit shyly, "Just that mango shake and two of those muffins, please."

Stell didn't bat an eyelash at the order. After all, not everybody was into coffee like most people frequenting his shop. That's why he kept some items in there that wasn't caffeine. "No problem! And, because you're a new friend, I'll give them free!"

"No, it's okay- I can pay!-"

"Yeah, Stell. He's a CEO, he can definitely pay for it!~" Paulo joined in, just to catch the older off guard. It was priceless to see the guy flounder and blush.

Stell gasped loudly, mock-offended. "Paulo, that's not how I raised you!"

Said man just laughed and finally steered himself and Josh was still trying to change Stell's mind. "Let him be, _Josh_. Trust me, there's no winning when he's like that." He smiled as he guided them to his own favorite spot in the shop.

"Besides, Stell is a people-person, but when he does this, it means you pass his friendship test." Paulo declared with a bit of pride.

It made Jayce relax greatly, chuckling. "Well, I'm glad my charm passed the test."

"Sure thing, Mr. CEO."

"Oh, god. Why is it than when it comes from you, it sounds so wrong?" The older alpha bemoaned.

"Exactly why I'll never let you live that nickname down, Mr. CEO."

"I hate you."

"Nope. You already said you don't."

"That was seven years ago!"

"Too late to change your mind."


	3. Picking the Next Direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It took about one year for Josh to come to his senses after his own dreams shattered in front of him.
> 
> Now, he's found a new path in life where he's lost some and then gained some more. It's okay. He's home. 

Josh isn't going to lie, it took him about a year before he finally got to his feet with a clear view of where to go after the group disbanded. He pretended to think that he was just resting, going back to his first love that was online gaming. Of course he needed to pay his bills, so he was lucky that his previous call center gig took him back in. It didn't matter, though. In the end, it took him a year to admit that he was indeed depressed, and wasting away for that long. He had no one to ask help, choosing to shut away from friends that only wanted to check on him.

One year before he finally woke up one day, the words of his teacher echoing from his dreams and into his waking reality. It was the first time he felt the thrill and the fear combining in an ugly mixture settling in his gut. And he shook with it, but it was the most jolt of life he felt for a long time. He proceeded to laugh himself silly that morning, opened the curtains in his small dorm room and let the sun in after a year of darkness.

The idea was an impossibility. Then again, it's not like Josh's life wasn't already riddled with its own impossibilities. He shouldn't have lived after being abandoned in that dumpster. He shouldn't have presented as an alpha. Shouldn't have lived in relative comfort after the orphanage let go of him. Shouldn't have had made it past auditions, or made it to the final group. 

In the end, only one of them proved to be futile. Not a bad score, really. So what could stop him?

Himself, nothing else. 

So Josh started from scratch, researched everything from the dust, and one by one built his empire through sweat, blood, and charisma that led to people helping him out too. He met up with the right people, made deals with trusted friends from the industry, and made sure this time he'd make it. Slowly, but surely.

He started clueless, and three years after that- his beloved company now standing tall with two-storeys, ran by good people and friends, and their path on a certain up track- he's still clueless, but a little less uncertain and more comfortable to take risks.

His teacher was right. Maybe performing wasn't for him, but this? This felt like coming home.

Of course, this home wasn't built without sacrifices. God knew how much he gave for every brick and every piece to be laid down. He quit his online gaming and only stuck to playing occasionally. Sometimes, he regretted not reaching even just a semi-professional status before he turned his back, though. He worked double, triple jobs to get the funds, saw which friends readily trusted him and which only mocked his ideas. He gained some, lost some.

He was proud of it. Every bit of it.

Speaking of friends, though. Being in the same industry that spat him out previously, he knew he was bound to meet more familiar faces. And he did. He crossed paths with his past company, even his teacher, who had the biggest smile of pride for him. Now she's one of the teachers in his academy. Some former trainees, too. Those who he knew were capable and hardworking, he took under his wing. Some worked directly under him now as talent scouts. 

Those who once mocked him when he was just pitching his impossible idea, he just smiled at when they inevitably met again.

He found Ken Suson drowning in alcohol one fateful night, and they almost never got out of that bar alive for the younger's filthy mouth. He learned the day after, while interrogating the heavily hungover omega, that Ken worked as a model and was also part-time alcoholic, too. Ken nonchalantly told the story of how after their failed debut, his parents decided it was high time for him to know about consequences for not following their words earlier. He was made to live independently- just short of being disowned, really. 

While Josh shut away from the world for one year, and slowly built his career in the next- Ken lived with friends who had a spare couch, and then got through with any gig that suited his looks and limited expertise.

That instant, he cajoled the younger to move in with him. And yeah, he didn't offer much other than his small dorm room considering he was still in the middle of putting up his dream company. But Josh had a spare sofa and a heart that always inevitably tried to care. Of course, Ken refused out of reflex, but Josh took him on a drinking bet. Compared to the omega, he had steel liver- but it didn't mean he was going to work drunk, so he tricked Ken into thinking he was chugging alcohol and not water.

He won.

* * *

In that year, he's convinced the younger omega to finish his college degree. Actually, Ken never needed that much convincing. The guy only needed someone to believe in him, give him a starting chance, and the support that was taken away from him abruptly. What's difficult was to keep the guy in track. Some days, Ken just wanted to grab a bottle and drink. Most days, he loses motivation. 

But hey, he made it. Josh has never felt that almost fatherly pride until Ken practically cried the night before his graduation, hugging Josh to death.

Ken still did his modeling ocassionally, but he also kept his job as an architect. Josh usually ran to him whenever he needed his expertise. Ken was there when the company opened and took off, and Josh was there when Ken got his first job after graduating. When they moved to a larger place, an apartment this time- Ken never moved out of his wing- he began noticing Ken playing the guitar again.

And Josh felt giddy, slyly putting a fresh batch of donuts in front of the surprised omega along with his favorite order at Starbucks. "That one's nice. Maybe you should release it."

  
As expected, Ken refused. "Come on, nobody would want to hear me sing. I literally have a low-range voice, Josh. I'm not going to bring money to your doorstep with that."

The older bonked him on the head with a nasty glare, "Who said I'm milking you for money, you idiot?"

The younger almost took it seriously and was about to apologize for even insinuating the words, but then Josh smirked- and he relaxed greatly at that. Ken knew that already, though; he knew Josh never asked for anything in return except to wash the damn dishes or do the laundry- but he knew that was more for practicality for two adults living together than for a debt needed to be paid. And Ken will always be thankful for that. It's why he tries to give back too, in any way that he can. Josh had gone from an old acquaintance to an older brother figure to him. He's the only family he acknowledged now.

Josh took a donut and bit.

"I thought those were for me?"

"If you don't hurry, they won't be~" The older alpha tutted, "So! No changing topics, Ken. I know you."

"Fine! Fine. Let me rephrase that. You think they'll like it? You think I can really do it…?"

Josh nodded, "Remember what I said about your voice? It's so good, even teacher said so. I'm just putting out there, you know?" 

"… I'll.. I'll think about it.."

* * *

He met John Paulo Nase three years after his company was established. Well, he goes by Pablo as his pen name now, but they already have a deal on calling each other by their true names. It'll take time before Josh could erase the old nickname in his mind though.. Old habits die hard. Anyway, one of his contacts chanced upon the mysterious writer who worked with singers and bands that all had nice reception. When Josh did his research for creating the contract, he found out that it was indeed his former leader.

Sejun looked just the same as the night they last saw each other, but also different. There's a difference in those eyes now, the fire he knew that resided in them was still there but somehow.. muted. The confidence that he exuded effortlessly once, now quietly lurked until he found a familiar face in Josh himself. Still fashionable, though. Hell, still sharp-tongued and quick-witted, too.

And a coffee addict.

He called Ken as soon as Sejun agreed to another friend joining in. 

"I thought you were setting me straight and away from those bottles, Josh?" Ken laughed into the receiver.

"Oh ho, I dont think you'll even want to be wasted in front of this guy, Ken. Hurry your ass up, I'll text you the location." Josh chuckled before ending the call. Sejun, who sat on the passenger seat of his car, raised an eyebrow which made him grin.

"No worries, it's just Ken."

"KEN? As in, that Ken?? God. I've never heard from him in a long while. What's he up to now??"

"Oy, calm down. I'm sure he'll be happy to tell you. Also, I'll try not to get offended you asked about him and not me." 

Sejun rolled his eyes. He's still as animated, but Josh only began noticing his adorable humor now. "Fineee. I'll bite. What have you been up to now, Mr. CEO?"

Josh started the car, chuckling at the obviously fake annoyance in the other's voice. "Not much, Mr. Paulo, business as usual…"

* * *

  
Back in the training and debut days, they weren't allowed to drink among other things. And he can't remember, really, a time when they last sneaked out for a couple of shots back then- so this might was practically a first to Josh with Sejun. With Ken around, too. They had a lot to talk about. A lot of stories of how they got through after those years after their disbandment, how they're doing now, and how they were back then. The alcohol definitely lowered their inhibitions, but it also eased the pain of remembering those days.

Besides, it's been so long. Sejun has moved on to become a professor at a nearby university and also sidelines as a writer/composer. Ken is a licensed architect and a model, and he himself has his own company. They lost that one dream together, but now gained another on their own.

Josh was initially worried that like Ken or himself, Sejun would be stuck in some low dump too, but he was wrong. He learned that he really should give the omega a little more credit.

  
In the end, they decided to book a Grab to go home at 4AM. Josh was sure it'll be hell once he wakes up later for work, but at least he has someone to suffer with. Sejun told them he lived alone, but was fine with it since his friend lived next door.

"-right, didn't you say you were an architect now, Ken??"

"Jesus, Seju- Paulo, put your head back inside the car!" Josh scolded.

  
"Just, hold on a bit!- Ken! I'll tell you- err, rever- uhh, ref-fer? Yeah, to my friend. That- okay??"

"Sure- sureee~ Anytime, anywhere, Seju~n!"

Josh had to grip on Ken's back of his shirt to avoid him face planting into the asphalt. Ken promptly passed out after that. So much for banking on Paulo for keeping them in line. The guy was surprisingly a heavyweight. Anyway, Josh had to haul Ken's and his own ass back to their flat on his own.

In the morning, when he's only amassed a total of 3 hours sleep and a huge pain in the ass headache, the first thing he remembered was to get his phone.

[ **To** : Paulo

Text back if you're home and alive and not in a ditch somewhere.]

[ **To** : Paulo

This is Josj.]

  
[ **To** : Paulo

*Josh. What the fuckme]

[ **To** : Paulo

NO WAIT THAT WAS AUTOCORRECT]

  
[ **From** : Paulo

Aasfshdklsldjdjdls]

  
[ **From** : Paulo

There. Home, alive, and not in a ditch somewhere.

And not suffering from autocorrect, Josj :P]

[ **To** : Paulo

It's *Josh]

  
[ **From** : Paulo

Too late, Josj :D]

  
[ **To** : Paulo

Ass.]

  
[From: Paulo

Morning to you, too!]


	4. First Sails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They started out slow, but sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for: Discussions of Depression

It started out slow. From changing the names they call each other, to the time they spent together. Sometimes, they'd find themselves staying up all night for idle talks and existential musings. Sometimes, they don't respond to chats and messages for days. The longest they've gone without communication would be a month, when Josh was swamped with work and Paulo didn't mind the absence. Sometimes, it's Paulo who didn't respond. He could be busy with his students, or going somewhere with the faculty, or that he just plain forgot that he had a phone sometimes. There was no reason to rush, nor the feeling that they needed to accommodate each other in their lives.

They were friends. When Josh needed a second opinion, Paulo was be happy to help. When Paulo needed a break, Josh was a breath of fresh air. Whenever they talked, interacted, or met in person, they were always out of their want to spend time with each other's company.

And it was nice. The freedom to want and choose usually made for things to build up naturally, organically from there. They hung out and talked more. They went from casual talks to silly, nonsense talks, to existential talks- to virtually anything under the sun, and sometimes anything of their own personal demons, too. 

When Stell noticeably stopped shoving blind dates to his way, Paulo was understandably confused but relieved. However, whenever the four got free time to hang out, the younger alpha would give him that look- wiggling eyebrows and shitty smile- then eye sideways to an oblivious Josh. And that's when it hit him.

Which is weird. They're just friends. And it's not like Paulo never caught him and Ken hanging out on their own sometimes, too.

"We're talking about the project, Pau."

"Sure, in the park. In the restaurant. In the ba-"

"Not in those places, of course!" The omega got a hard slap on the shoulder for the tease but he chuckled it off and gave the flustered younger a flick on the forehead. 

"You never bring your fishes home, though. And I'm pretty sure I heard Ken in the hallway just last night."

Stell started to protest, but Paulo silenced him with a finger to his lips. "You know I'm not going to meddle until I know you're getting yourself in trouble again. I keep telling you, but you don't listen anyways. But! Ken's a friend.. was under my wing. Now, I'm fine if you two are all for just having fun. If someone gets hurt, though, I'm tearing you a new one."

"What?? What if I'm the one who gets hurt? What kind of brother are you??"

  
"Then you'll both get a tearing. And you can be reassured Ken won't get away with it from Josh, too."

  
Stell slumped over the table, but really, it was just a ploy to get closer to the fries Paulo was vehemently protecting. The older smacked his hands away, snorting. 

"You two should skip the courting and just get straight to being the scary parents you both are," Stell grumbled. 

Right. Stell stopped pushing other prospects his way because he's now bent on matchmaking him and Josh.

"Pretty sure we're going to burn the house down if that happens."

"Eurgh. Your tempers need a lot of work."

"Which," Paulo emphasized with a bite of his own fries, "Is impossible a feat. Case closed."

* * *

Since they started hanging out together, Josh slowly realized many depths and corners of Paulo's personality. Maybe they weren't there before or maybe he's just seeing them now. Either way, it made their time spent together never dull.

One time, he went to Paulo's workplace without prior notice. He made sure he got his car shined and that he dressed sharply enough to look the part. Josh was happy to know that he still knew how to work his charms. He used that to know which building _Sir Nase_ was and when was his last class of the day. But he was happier to get the expected reaction from the younger. The professor's eyeballs nearly bugged out when he caught sight of the other by the gate, briskwalking towards the expensive Hammer and very aware of the students looking his way in varying curiosity and surprise.

"Heard that you are quite a persona in the campus, Sir Nase." Josh smirked, lowering his gaudy red sunglasses and all that, once Sejun got into the passenger seat. 

He got smacked in the head with a thick English book for the stunt. But Josh made up for it with free food, which Sejun-then and now- was always up for.

* * *

In the company, everyone who saw them can immediately tell that they were friends, despite being professional at work. They knew the CEO and the composer go way, way back just listening in to their mostly interesting and silly conversations. Some even traced them successfully back to their debut days that it soon became an outspoken secret. They rarely indulged in confirming the stories, though. It was nice that the trainees knew their roots as an inspiration, but those roots would remain there in the past now.

Without anybody else knowing, the two quarrelled badly once. Josh tried to push Paulo to the edge that one time. All because he wanted a sliver of the guy that he met ten years back, confident and more aggressive with his ideas and masterpieces. Paulo of course didn't take that lying down. They didn't speak for three days after that. In the end, Josh didn't know who spoke first- just that they got wasted after and he allowed Paulo to punch him just once. He punched back, of course. That's what friends do.

Paulo, on the other hand, had an uncanny way of knowing whether Josh was lying. There's always food delivered to his office when he lies about eating on time. And Paulo remembers tiniest details, like the random food he said offhandedly that he was craving but didn't have the time to get.

That's what friends do, right? Even omega friends? Ken himself would glare at him until he sat down and ate with him at home (even though Ken's cooking is just slightly above abysmal these days- he's pretty sure it's because of a certain cheery coffee shop owner). Stell also said more than once before that Paulo just has his own weird ways of caring, saying _"Trust me, I know."_

  
They're friends, getting to know each other like it's the first time. Obviously, they never had took the time doing that before.

Ken seemed to have a different opinion entirely, and he's not that oblivious to Stell's looks darted his way. "Court him already. I can practically smell your pining from a mile away."

  
"You gonna finally start labeling what you have with Stell?"

  
"I-"

"Then shut up and eat your damn donuts, Felip Jhon."

"They aren't even my favorite donuts. They're yours- Oh…"

Josh wondered if strangulation by a couple of glazed donuts was acceptable to the society.

* * *

"Do.. I.. Do I really.. Pine?" Josh asked that night, just after he said yes in a heartbeat to Paulo asking him out to a concert that he has two tickets for. It didn't even register to him the reason why. Apparently, Stell made plans to go home to his family on his favorite grandmother's whim. 

He just said yes. Not even hesitating or asking questions. 

Christ.

Ken laughed into his face while packing his own bag for a trip that was for a photoshoot. "You have been pining for nine years, as far as I'm concerned. Literally from the moment I joined the academy it was written in bold, capital letters on your forehead, you dummy."

  
"I thought you guys thought I hate him???"

"Oh, you did. Somehow, you're always fighting about one thing or another. I think you were jealous at him one point. But you liked him, and you hated that. Besides, I know how you really, really hate people, Josh. Give me some credit. And did you never realize all the times you looked like you were about to snap at any random person who was too handsy on him? You didn't even discriminate, alpha or beta or omega. You didn't even stop to think why there were more alphas you scared away from him than omegas."

"Maybe I was jealous of the attention!"

"Jealous he wasn't paying attention to you~"

"-Wait, you knew he wasn't alpha?"

"I have eyes, Josh. Also, we're the same. Hard not to notice, yeah?"

"-And anyway, since when were you this insightful, Felip Jhon. You're bullshitting me." Josh huffed, bracing up on the couch, crosslegged and cross-armed. He looked like the petulant child who refused to admit to anything.

Ken would give anything for him to take a picture. But he loved his life. Thanks.

"You held out for as long as you have until now. Gotta give you some award for that." Ken shook his head, laughter reduced to chuckles and a thoroughly amused, slightly judgmental stare.

"That's not true. I had exes and you know it-"

"Ah, yes. Feisty ones, fair-skinned, almond eyes, small face and with teeth braces, has a brain that can match up to yours, can banter with you for days, tough ones who can be adorable, sexy, but are farthest from damsels in distress. In fact, not damsels at all. All males. Omega males. Also, plus 50 points if the name starts with J-"

A muscle in his eye twitched. In a snap, he pulled out his phone and dialled Paulo's phone. "Tell Stell his grandma is on his way, but I can't guarantee that he won't have a few scratches."

Ken bolted out of the sofa and began running for his life.

* * *

Paulo thought that without Stell's constant presence in his life, he'd get bored and do something drastic. He's not done anything yet, not even in those times Stell had to go somewhere even before this. The failed attempt at being a _plantito_ didn't count. But he's always had this feeling whenever the younger alpha was away. He felt untethered to the place. Not even his family could provide that anchor he was looking for.

The more he thought about it, the more it lowkey scared him. Stell will always be his younger brother, and platonic soulmate. His family will always be important. But there's a yawning emptiness inside him that nothing could really fill, not even his friends nor music.

He had an inkling of what it was. It was, after all, just a part of nature. But Paulo's not even going to gamble on that, even when he knew was not getting any younger- a fact that Stell always hedged him on about.

Even though the only guy he's been attracted to just entered back into his life like some blaring sign, Paulo's too comfortable of what they have now to risk it.

This time, Stell was away on a trip with the excuse that was easily ratted out by Josh. He couldn't stop laughing for a day about it. Then again, he felt that weightlessness again. That was fine. He decided on getting used to the feeling while he can now. Stell won't be there forever- and he has a feeling that after all of the younger's heartbreak, Ken was finally the guy he's looking for. 

  
His phone rang. 

"Josh? What's up?"

"I'm outside your door. Can I come in?" Paulo was already hurrying to the door before Josh could finish. And there, the older alpha stood, out of breath and panicked in a way that he never saw the guy. Ever.

He let the other in. He tried to remember how to be a good host, so he detoured to the kitchen to get a glass of water. When he came back, Josh was on the sofa, hunched and staring at the cracks on his coffee table.

"So," Paulo put the glass down and urged him to drink. "Where did you hide the body?"

The alpha was almost done emptying the glass, only choking when Paulo dropped the question.

  
"Are you serious- what even-!"

"Ehhh, it's not a dead body. Then, what is it?"

  
"Fuck you, Sej- Don't try to be funny when I'm drinking water. I'll be the dead body if you keep it up-"

  
"Don't be dramatic," Paulo reached over to pat his back patronizingly.

"My whole life _is_ a drama." Josh calmed down from coughing and snorting water out of his nose. He shook his head, breathing out for several moments while the omega patiently waited. 

"They found me. My family."

"Uh… That's good?" Paulo offered weakly. Honestly, he didn't know what's wrong with it.

Okay, on second thoughts, he realized he didn't even know a single thing about Josh's family life.

  
"No, it's not? Is it? I don't know?? Paulo, they dumped me in a garbage bin, and now they found me? Like they actually searched for me??"

  
Paulo blinked for a couple of times, "I'm sorry, you lost me at garbage bin."

"I'll throw you to the garbage bin-"

"Oy! I'm trying to help! Can you just back the story up a little??!"

* * *

Living with Ken the past four years, it was inevitable that the younger omega knew of his personal background. Ken both missed and hated his family for throwing him out, fluctuating between sobbing and throwing a fit. Josh couldn't understand, not fully. Not when he had no memory of parents of his own to miss or hate with more than the fact that he was left to die.

In the most vulnerable talks that they've had, Josh poured out his life story. The orphanage, and the life there when he was consistently put down for being a runt and was believed to be omega for his demeanor and stature. The life after that, when he had just a backpack of clothes, a hard-earned GED that was only given to him hastily because he presented wrongly to their calculations, and a couple of bills to last him for a few days. When he had to find a job with just that piece of paper, and then shelter, and then- then found his love for online gaming instead. Then, his love for performing, just for the hell of it.

  
And Ken, the first ever human who's heard of this, listened closely. Josh didn't have to ask Ken to not say a word of it to anyone else- one of the younger's best traits was his loyalty, and the guy was picky on who he chose to be close to his heart.

Now, though. He's spilled everything again to somebody else. The moment he received a phone call from the orphanage that someone was looking for a baby that was the closest to Josh's background, he understandably panicked. Ken wasn't here. The next person he thought of was Paulo. He didn't deign to question his thought process, then.

Paulo was now silent after all of his effort to relay the entire narration of his life. He shoved the older to the side of the sofa as he quietly sat beside him, rubbing his back.

"What do you want to do?" He whispered.

The older shrugged with a shaky laugh, "I don't know. I was hoping somebody would tell me."

"You always knew what you wanted-"

  
"Well then, not now! I honestly don't know what to do Paulo. And fuck, I don't think I want to think of any of it anytime in this life."

  
Paulo sighed besided him, never minding the fact that Josh's own distressed pheromones was making the entire room feel suffocating. Never mind the fact that it was making him lightheaded, too.

  
Paulo tried to send off his own scent. He's always been told that his scent was weaker than most, almost beta-like, not to mention the faint but unmistakable flavor suited that of a manly alpha's. The last thing he wanted to do was rile the alpha to tap into his territorial instincts. But he didn't know what else to do. All he thought was that he wanted Josh to calm down, and he wanted to comfort the other.

"Meet them, then."

"… What will I say?" Josh replied, clueless but not outright rejecting the idea. If Paulo observed closely, he'd have noticed Josh calming down effectively even just a bit. But really, it should be obvious how heavily Josh leaned into Paulo's comfort, and how Paulo himself was wrapping his arms around the smaller man, pushing the older's head onto his own shoulder to ground him to the present.

Then he replied softly, "You may not say anything if you like.. But maybe you'll want to hear something from them, and you're never going to get that if you hide from them."

* * *

  
Okay, Paulo has this personal mantra that he was fine with the lack of presence or hints that his friends were alive- as long as they were alive somewhere. But this was getting a little into his nerves.

Josh didn't exactly leave with an impression that he was going to be okay. None of them knew what would happen, but the alpha did acquiesce to meeting his family after a little nudging. Paulo made Josh promise to call if anything happened, or really, if nothing happened. It wasn't an option.

It's been two days. Paulo tried to call and message, but he wasn't met with any response. Understandably, he's worried.

"I went to your office, Ms. Arissa said you didn't go to work for two days now."

Paulo talked at the closed door, one that he didn't have keys for. _Josh better be on the other side_ , the younger glumly thought. He brought his test papers with him straight after classes even though he didn't like it, just to check on the other.

"Josh, I can smell you from here. Open up."

A lie. He's not good with smells. But the alpha's car was parked there so he was a bit positive the other was there, too.

"Ken will have my head if he comes home and his dad is fucked up. Come on."

The door swung open, a dumpster personified holding the knob open with a scowl. "'m not his dad."

  
Paulo still greeted Josh with a grin, pushing himself inside before the other changed his mind. 

The house was a mess. Paulo's hands twitched just at the mere sight of the living room. Apparently, the alpha seemed himself to be too lazy to give to his room and sulk. There were pillows and blankets thrown haphazardly on the couch, a mess of leftover takeouts sprawled on the coffee table and the carpet. The TV was on with a random flick, and the curtains were shut. There were various strewn empty and half-empty bottles and cans. Perfect setup for a shut-in hobo. 

Arm poised to his hip, Paulo turned around and addressed the walking zombie in the room. "What did I say about calling?"

  
".. That I should?"

  
"And you didn't. Look at you. I didn't even know you're capable of a stubble, Santos. Wow. You've peaked."

  
Josh shrugged, scratching his head and suddenly shy. He's just in his pajamas after all. Not a great view.

Paulo sighed, "Go shower. And change."

"Why?"

The younger glared, emphasizing the words painfully slowly that was always 100% effective against his students. "Because I said so."

"You're not my babysitter…" Josh grumbled, but stumbled back to where his room presumably was.

Twenty minutes in when Paulo was poking his head into the fridge looking for food, he called out loudly, "Get out of there, Santos, before I break down the door and drag you out, naked or otherwise."

"I am dressed! God, I forgot how you're so annoying with that mouth-"

"FIVE. FOUR. T-"

"What is this, a pop quiz?!"

* * *

"Did you know I'm a part of a quartet?"

It's probably just past midnight. Josh had started coming down with a slight fever, which Paulo expected after two days of not eating properly and barely sleeping. On another day, he'd have teased the guy who's always proud that he never got sick or anything. But Paulo can be a little kind.

Josh made home on the couch, though. Even if it looked more like a mound of blankets than a person residing there. Paulo supposed that was okay for now, as he was sat on the carpet (cleaned now, thank God) close to where he thought the older's head was. He was proven right when the other spoke, though it did surprise him a bit. Netflix was showing some horror documentary. Even though he was checking test papers on the coffee table, he was still understandably jumpy. Juust a bit.

"Nope, I didn't know that." Paulo answered, pretending to be concentrated on his boring paperwork.

"… Two of them I met that day. The other one didn't make it as a child. Then there's Yuna, who was supposedly our eldest. Jess and Jacinth, they're both married now. They live well in the States. Told me they were taken care of one of our relatives, but nobody wanted a runt that looked like a walking hospital bill so I stayed with my mother. Yuna came home a week after her working in the city, only to find me gone and my mother out of her mind. Post-partum depression, she was diagnosed."

  
 _Holy shit_. Josh wasn't kidding when he said his life was a drama.

".. She recovered, though, by that time they all thought me dead. Yuna had to find us one by one. Jess and Jacinth thought they were just twins, until just recently. They were.. Well, they looked like me."

"What a surprise." Josh pulled on Paulo's hair a bit, but he was smirking a little behind the blanket.

"Yuna asked me to come visit our mother. She's.. Apparently, she had stroke and she's getting old. She wanted to find me."

  
Paulo turned around completely, abandoning his attention from the eyesore that was his students papers to focus on his friend. The man was faced towards him, eyes the only thing he can see with the light and the blankets he hid in.

"I.. Am I wrong for being angry?"

"No."

"Am I wrong to feel angry because I'm not supposed to?"

"…. Nobody said anything about what you're supposed to feel, Josh."

"Then why do I feel guilty? Why do I feel like I suddenly had no right to be angry? Or that I had no right to blame them? To blame her?"

Paulo couldn't mistake the wetness in his tone and the blanket that touched his cheeks. Josh's deep brown hues glinted in tears that probably weren't shed for a long time. He reached out to rub the pad of his thumb under one of his lashes.

"What do you want to do?"

  
".. I don't know."

  
"That's okay. You'll figure it out. Just.. don't stop yourself from feeling whatever it is that you're feeling at the moment. It's yours, after all."

  
"And what if I figure it out, and it's not the answer they might want?"

  
"Then they'll have to understand. It won't matter if it's okay with them or okay with me, or anybody. As long as it's your decision, nothing else matters. I think," Paulo paused to trace the other's thick brows idly, a gesture that made Josh's eyes flutter half-lidded.

".. You deserve that choice, Josh. You deserve your peace."

* * *

  
"Hey,"

"What."

"Stay?"

"Well, I'm too sleepy to get myself home…"

"No.. I mean.. Stay?"

"… Ask me that again when you have at least eight hours of sleep, and not like this, Josh." Paulo grunted. He's heard that one from Stell before, when the younger thought what he felt was love just because Paulo made him happy at his lowest point in life.

It was something Stell eventually was thankful for, since Paulo never took advantage. Look where they are now, having the best of bonds instead of falling out from a wrong decision.

Though it was different for Stell since he never felt that he loved him in any way like that since the beginning, it will probably still end up the same for Josh. Josh just needed time to heal from this, Paulo thought.

* * *

  
"Seju-.. Paulo, dre wake up." Someone called him to the land of the living. Paulo sluggishly followed with all disdain he can muster, only to find Ken crouching in front of him.

He hit the head of the armrest out of shock. Groaning, he rubbed his face and mumbled, "You're home, grandma. How's life in the province?"

  
Ken chuckled, taking the other's hand and then instantly waking Paulo better with a little gift. On his hand was a fresh mug of coffee. The younger smiled, albeit shyly. "Yeah.. Shouldn't have kept it from you guys, I know."

  
Paulo held one hand up, taking a sip of his black coffee and deciding it was worth the scald on his tongue. When he finished it halfway, he stared at Ken who was visibly fidgeting and looking anywhere but him.

"I don't care what you two do, or where you go. If any of you gets hurt, I'll hang the other by the testicles got it?"

"Paulo, calm down, we're not.. You know-"

"Felip Jhon," Paulo groaned, happily savoring his caffeine shot before shooting the younger a glare. "Wanna make me pick out the label for you, then?"

"N-no.. I mean, we're taking it slow…"

"Oh, yes. That's why I smell him on you, gosh, why didn't I think of that." The older rolled his eyes. Ken marveled at how early Paulo can conjure his bitchy attitude. Not that he'll say it out loud. He valued his life.

"S-Stell's not.. He said he's not- and we're just really trying out things…"

"Are you?"

"What?"

"Are you happy? Do you think you'll be happy with him? Does he make you happy?"

  
"That's a lot of questions, but, um.. yes?"

Paulo put the empty mug carefully next to him. "You're lucky my legs feel like being stabbed by pinpricks at the moment."

"Or.. Or what?"

"Help me up. I'm going home."

"I'll drive you!" Ken hastily offered, because.. Well, he felt like he needed to? And he felt like he owed Paulo big time just for that talk. But the older just shook his head and began rooting for his backpack.

"Nah, take care of your father." 

"… Okay, mom.."

"I'm disowning you."

"..… Really?"

"For twelve fucking hours, now shut up."


	5. Waiting for the Right Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven years apart, and still Josh had to learn the art of waiting. 

"Ken, he said he was busy. Him. Paulo. Busy." Josh pulled Ken from the middle of his musings. It's one of his rare day off, where he actually had nothing to do. It's only been a few days since he and Stell went together on that trip. It was on a whim, really. But it was one of the best days of his life-

One that he kept telling Josh ever since he came back. And Josh understood, really, he did. He was also happy that Ken finally found his muse that he's enthusiastic to actually consider what Josh offered more than a year ago. 

Come to think of it, didn't he and Paulo meet again in that similar timeline?

They've been friends. For more than a year now. They were fine? Just days ago, Paulo had successfully nagged him out of his spiral. He couldn't remember that he did anything, but now Paulo just said he was busy. Josh actually had to fight tooth and nail for that concert just to make up for how he acted that night. And Paulo. Said. He was busy.

He's beginning to think that he's done something than more than just a couple of tickets can pay for.

"Josh, if he's busy. He's busy. You never were this affected before when he bailed out on your dates-"

"They're not dates!"

  
"Sure, bro. Anyways what's so different about it now?"

  
"Because they're expensive and it's his favorite band??" Josh answered back which Ken raised an eyebrow to, putting his guitar aside and indulging the older man simply because he was highly amused.

"Were you ever bitchy about money with Paulo? And it's not like you can't get another chance at that concert." Ken calmly responded. "Try again."

"Fine! It's your fault. You actually told me something that got me thinking and conscious, okay?"

  
"Sa~y it."

"I-I'm pining! Yes, I am! I want to court Paulo so bad, Ken. I want him so bad. Damn you, will you help me now?" 

Ken grinned triumphantly, making Josh want to bash his head to the sofa. Bury him to that cursed dimension between the seat the backrest where things disappear, or something. "Like I said, if he's busy. He's busy. He's a teacher, if you forgot. And he has more on his hands now that more of his works are gaining mainstream attention. Maybe I'll ask him to collab, hmm.."

Josh groaned, but Ken was right. Of course, he is. Ken has a nasty habit of hitting the bullseye in any argument uncannily.

Maybe it's just him being paranoid. Maybe Paulo's just busy, really.

"I'm not wasting the tickets, though."

Ken raised his hand, a childish grin on his face. "Me! Give them to me!"

The alpha rolled his eyes, a trait he was sure he got from someone else. "Who are you inviting? Is it Stell?"

  
"Welll, I was going to say you…"

  
"We literally see each other everyday, Felip. And you can't hide your blush, shut up."

"Aw."

* * *

  
He tried again next week. One thing Paulo hardly says no to was food, and Josh was getting desperate. He's this close to fetching him from the university for some random work shit he can whip up, but he's pretty sure Paulo will bite his ear off for it.

So. Food it is. Paulo loves his seafood, and there's a new restaurant opening up just nearby. It was a perfect opportunity, if he ever saw one.

[ **From** : Paulo

Sorry. I'm really not up for anything tonight except sleep, Josj. I'm tired.]

  
The message gave him a little hope. Paulo was still in a good mood then, if he's still using that long-running inside joke between them. It's okay, he's just tired-

[ **From** : Paulo

*Josh]

Never mind. He might as well crawl to a corner and cry.

[ **To** : Paulo

Next time, then?]

  
The five minutes that it took the omega to answer was the longest agony he's ever experienced just to wait for a response.

[ **From** : Paulo

Sure. Enjoy your evening.]

Josh lost his appetite, no thank you.

* * *

He probably looked pitiful, hunched over the table while waiting for Stell to take off his boss duties and assist his sorry ass instead.

Stell was still all smiles though, bringing his favorite mango shake and muffin. His expression only turned in the slightest concern when he sat down in front of Josh.

This was weird. Stell was friendly, too friendly at times, and looked like he can harm no fly. But why does he feel like he's being dissected? It's not the first time he noticed Stell's strong scent, too. They were closest to strawberries, but there's something mixed in there- something strong, like metal, that nobody can mistake for anything other than alpha.

He always forgot that this guy, even though two years younger than him, was an alpha too. And considering that this was the guy that scented Paulo daily from other random offending alphas that didn't pass his standards, Josh has a feeling that this talk will be painful.

"I think I fucked up, Stell."

The man chuckling heartily was the last thing he expected as a response. That had Josh confused and a bit annoyed, to be honest. He didn't come here to be laughed at. He was actually serious, so can people just-

"Calm down, hey." Stell called out softly, probably sensing his inner turmoil already. The younger's fingers were tapping lightly on his hand that was clenched on the table. He really should learn to keep his temper in check. He's been embarrassing himself lately with it.

Josh sighed and forced his muscles to relax, breathing out. "Sorr-"

"Hey, no. That was on me." Stell amended, back to his sweet and friendly demeanor. He even lowered his head a little, giving Josh's alpha instincts a little sense of pride. But he's not about to gloat on that. Stell is a friend, a close one. Not someone he can take pleasure in forcing to submit.

"I can explain, but I just.. have to make sure of some things, I guess? What happened?" The younger alpha asked gently, rubbing Josh's knuckles lightly.

Stell is touchy. It's a thing he's become accustomed to the longer they got to know each other. It's not just Paulo, though the amount of scent he leaves on the older omega definitely left an impression that he was a favorite person Stell liked to be clingy to. Ken followed, and some days he smelled more like Stell more than Paulo does. Which was why he knew about the two in the first place..

And then himself. It took a while, since Josh wasn't one for casual touches, and especially not from his co-alphas. But yeah, he's used to this now. This touch of familiarity and calm.

It was easy to talk to the younger from that moment on. Though, he admitted that there's not much that he remembered happening. He was 90 percent sure nothing happened between him and Paulo. For one, his mind was still hanging on loose screws that night for him to even muster some ounce of horniness and stupid decisions.

Stell smiled, "I believe you. Don't worry. You sure you talked about nothing else, though?" He gently prodded.

That got Josh to serious thinking. He's been trying to remember ever since and he did remember something but he's not sure if it's a dream or if it would even make sense…

_"No.. I mean.. Stay?"_

_"… Ask me that again when you have at least eight hours of sleep, and not like this, Josh."_

Stell turned solemn then, asking once again. "Do you remember what you meant by that?"

  
The alpha scrunched his eyebrows, "I guess, I was asking him to stay the night?"

"Let me ask another question, then. What do you think of Paulo. Just answer honestly, Josh. I promise it'll be just the two of us."

"… D-Did Ken tell you?" Because Josh was going to give that kid a whooping if he did.

Stell just chuckled lightly, shaking his head. "No.. But you're not too subtle either." And then more seriously, he added, "I just want to hear it from you, Josh. Please?"

He felt like his teenager self, being forced to admit his crush or something. He's thirty one, for God's sake. He shouldn't be chickening out like this!

"I like Paulo. I like him a lot."

"Okay, I understand-"

"No, Stell. I mean it like, I want to be his boyfriend, yes, but I want.. I really want to court him." He let that thought sink in, as Stell was visibly processing what Josh said. Josh gulped his shake nervously.

"And you feel that way because he got you out of that dark place that night?"

"What? No! I didn't even want him there to be honest. That wasn't one of my best days.."

"But you liked that he was there."

"Yeah, I guess? It's nice.. To feel that someone cared.."

  
Stell's face fell at that. But Josh wasn't done embarrassing himself. What more can he lose, right? "This is all new to me, too, Stell. I'm not going to deny that I liked his company especially that night. But that's not why I like him. I don't know, I wish I can tell you why. Apparently, I've been liking him ever since we were trainees and that I've never liked anyone else after all these years. Ken can tell you that. He loves to drag me to the mud- I just.. He made me realize that, okay? And now that I'm trying to do something about it, I fuck up and I don't know why-"

"Josh, Josh, calm down." Stell had to remind again. That was practically the second time, wow. He's on a roll today. He's never like this before. Damn that guy. Damn him.

Josh nodded and took another sip of his mango shake to calm down, and just to shut the hell up, really. Stell was trying not to burst though, he looked like it and was failing so hard to hide it.

"Stell, I'm not joking." 

The younger put his hands up in surrender, "I know, I know! I found my answer, big guy." He grinned, giving him a thumbs up. "Gotta go let you two talk, though. Do tell me if you're more comfortable with me calling you _kuya_ or dad?"

"Just go, Stell." Another voice piped in from behind. Josh was still trying to process Stell's first sentences and now, he's suddenly hearing a familiar voice out of nowhere? 

He's been looking for that damned voice all this time, but it didn't mean he wanted the owner to be here at this moment! Paulo's probably heard all of it, judging from Stell's expression that looked like a child who won an entire candy store.

"What.."

Paulo sat down in front of him, smiling teasingly at his expense for all of five seconds before Josh gave in. He dunked his head into the table, hiding himself with crossed arms. "I hate you. I hate you so much."

  
"That's not what you said earlier, and eight years before that, too."

* * *

The silence stretched on awkwardly. Josh had the urge to stretch it further until the shop closed. Paulo and his stubbornness would probably still be left there, but he could hope.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I didnt know you were coming. If I knew, I wouldn't be here-"

Josh's head whipped up, suddenly too animated from his previous shame. "So you were avoiding me. Why? What did I do? What did I say? Paulo, you never held back whenever I was being shitty. Why now?"

Paulo shifted slightly in his seat, looking down on his steepled fingers. "Not your fault. I was just.. A little precautious that night, that you might say something you might regret. So I told you that if you can say the words when you're.. well, back to yourself, then I'll listen. Do you remember now?"

  
Josh couldn't think of any snippet of conversation except the last part where he asked the other to stay. And yeah, now that he thought back on it, it probably a slip of the tongue in his hazed mind. Not because he didn't mean them, but because he didn't mean to say them that time.

"You have to understand.. I've been there before. When I met Stell, he was in a down that not most people could say they've been to. And he said the same words, Josh."

Josh was just thankful Stell considered him a friend close enough to entrust that part of life to him. But he never knew about what Paulo said until now. So maybe they had a thing before after all...

  
Paulo shook his head. "Stell was different. I didn't let him say the words, because I know he wasn't himself back then. He'd regret it. And that I knew to myself that I loved him, but not in that way. Turns out, we were right to wait it out. Stell could have made a move on me years ago, after he got out of that slump, but we both know we loved each other in a different way. He's a brother dear to me."

Josh felt himself deflate at those words. He'd like to say he couldn't relate, but then again Ken existed and everyone always mistook them for a couple. He couldn't even imagine Ken that way, and Ken would cover his ears like a kid at the slightest insinuation that they were lovers. They were friends. Family. Like Paulo and Stell were inseparable.

".. Wait, you said.. You said, he's different." Josh swallowed. He's not optimistic, not even after those years that added to his life. But here he was, heart in his throat, waiting for an answer he wanted to hear.

"Yep. The difference is.. I actually like you. Like, I want to be your boyfriend and all that." Paulo bless his soul, tried to look Josh in the eye while he gaped like a fish out of water.

Josh smiled then, feeling his own insides burn and explode and flip flop, and settle all at the same time. "No, you left put the part where I want to court you so badly."

  
"That's not even your exact words."

"Not less true." Josh thought he'd drop dead right there, just saying the words but surprisingly he didn't. He just.. felt like a piece of himself settled like the last piece of a puzzle. 

And it was worth it, because it finally made Paulo stutter and glow like a red streetlight in broad daylight. He ended up sighing, though. "Look, I do like you. A lot. But before you-I mean, I won't stop you if you're really serious about it.. But I'll be honest, I'm not mate material."

"Paulo, I liked you before I knew you were omega. And after that. Besides, didn't you never used to make a big deal out of those things?"

"I'm not normal, Josh. There's a reason why I don't smell and look like omega. I don't even know when my next heat is going to be, or if I'm able to give you family. This is it. This is me. And we're not getting any younger. I don't want to give you any of that stuff, so if I were you, I won't be so quick on that courting part.."

Josh stopped, realizing there was much, much more that he didn't know about Paulo. He would admit this was one of the heaviest things he's known of the other. But the smile on his face didn't falter.

"Hey, you slept through my snores."

"That's not even the same thing." Paulo deadpanned.

"I'll be stubborn about it. I got eight hours of sleep, and can assure you my head's in the right place. I still like you, a lot. I still want you, a lot. So bad, actually. And if we end up working, and still not have kids on our own- then I don't care. But sure, let's take it slow." 

Josh opened his palm, waiting for the other to take it. Was he optimistic? This time, and this time only, he actually was.

"I'll just have to prove that, don't I?"


	6. Dry Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh and his misadventures trying to get laid. But also side drama because why not. His entire life is drama, after all.

Paulo never ran short of warning Josh that he's not an easy person to be with, much less be mates with. He was adamant on taking things slow. They still did normal things that boyfriends do, though; sometimes even unashamed to act like a teenager couple. They talked more, spent time with just the two of them, sometimes exchanging witty banters and sometimes serious talks. Most times they shared silence, where Josh would muddle through paperworks and Paulo would write or grade papers or do whatever he was set to do that day.

They cuddled a lot. Made-out a lot, when they're not tired and grumpy and angry at each other for something petty. They had sex-

  
Not a lot.

And Josh is not some addict, but there has got to be someone up there that just loved to make him suffer. And maybe die of blue balls, or shame, or both combined.

* * *

Most of the time, Josh thought Paulo nagged too much on small things. He liked the guy talking, but not talking his ears off. And really, he does get why. It's not like Paulo just loved to hear his own voice for the hell of it; there were always reasons. Mostly Josh.

Now, he can definitely hear the other's rap-fast tirades.

They were supposed to meet Paulo's parents. It was May, and of course in the Philippines that meant many fiestas. Paulo's family were going all out, especially now when their second son was coming home with a boyfriend who was set on courting him.

Josh was nervous to hell, but that didn't mean he wanted not to go and probably leave a lasting impression on his boyfriend's family. He's really going feel that next time- if there was ever a next time. 

Paulo's going to have his head. Both heads, in fact. 

"Where are you?? Santos, if you're gonna tell me you got shitscared, or god forbid woke up just right now, you better lock your doors before I get there-"

"Love- love, calm down. A- are you driving? Don't drive in anger, you idiot." He huffed into the phone, which really decreased the sternness of his warning. He probably sounded like he ran a marathon, but they've been on this route for a while now so Paulo could never mistake those barely suppressed noises in his throat.

  
"Pau-" Josh could vaguely hear the car stopping. Good, at least he wouldn't worry about his lover driving through an innocent post. He patiently waited, and fisted his sheets so he wouldn't even do something Paulo would definitely judge him for. 

"What the _fuck_ are you doing?" The omega whispered lowly. And anytime, that would be hella sexy, straight to his dick and all- but right now, Josh was just scared. A bit. Not that it successfully made the fire in his gut quiet down. Someone did tell him he was a bit masochistic. "I- I'm in a rut.."

The line went silent.

"L-love?"

He heard a sigh that turned into a soft chuckle. One that always made the alpha melt happily. "You have the worst timings, love."

".. I know, right? But yeah,uhh, call me when you get there, okay? Just tell them I had to take care of things at work at the last minute.."

"Mom wouldn't like that."

"Still much better than you saying your boyfriend couldn't make it because he got horny."

  
That made Paulo laugh. Now that he wasn't worried or anxious though, his groin decided it was high-time to be reactive again especially to that breathy, raspy laugh he really liked on his boyfriend.

"You still have groceries in there? What about Ken?" The younger suddenly asked.

"Not here. He got me some supplies though, before he left. He's probably going to Stell's." Josh answered. Whenever one of them had ruts or heats, the other would always try to help out with the physical necessities, but otherwise stayed away for good since it might trigger any of theirs. That wasn't a nice situation to be in, for sure.

Paulo huffed over the phone, the car starting up again. "Okay. Can you hold out until I get there?"

"Paulo, I'm pretty sure I told you to go home. Your mother will be really upset-"

  
"Nah, she won't. They'll understand."

Josh groaned into the pillow, mourning for his dignity. "I'll never hear the end of that, arent I?"

  
The omega chuckled, "Don't be dramatic. Next time, just tell me. We're not fourteen, Josh. I know what ruts are."

"I wasn't sure you were comfortable about it! I mean- you know.."

  
"Because I don't get heats like how I should? Josh, I sucked your dick plenty times and had rawed each other before and now _you're_ shy??"

  
"Now you're just teasing me…" The alpha bemoaned, the words getting him incredibly hot and he knew Paulo absolutely knew he'd react that way. 

Paulo just laughed, "Try not to have too much fun until I get there."

* * *

Paulo's pack family was kind of big, and loud, and thankfully also welcoming. Music runs in the blood of the five siblings, that much was evident where Paulo was second and the only son that was omega. The rest of the older brothers were alpha, and the last two girls were omegas and happily in college. Their dad was a retired OFW, whose image looked like a split of Paulo's. He got his gentler, motherly nature from his mother, though. Tita, or Mom, as she liked to be called by the end of Josh's visit, only made a joke out of his supposed to be first visit where he got stuck in a rut instead.

The father of course, was demure only in voice, but gave Josh a talk that definitely had him shook for a while. The boys, too. The girls were sweet, and constantly asked him about him and Paulo- often poking fun of their older brother. He loved it when they spilled embarrassing stories of his boyfriend, especially when Tita joined in with her unending anecdotes.

By the end of the week, Josh was dragged to various errands, chores, and was always made present to every meal especially on the day of the fiesta. It was tiring, but they always managed to make some fun out of them. His sisters were a riot on their own, to start. What started as an awkward situation, ended up with the alpha fitting seamlessly into the household. Josh almost cried in front of them when they bid goodbye. He'd already told them of his family situation, and they were all supportive and accepting- but the way they embraced him into the family still made him teary-eyed.

_"If you need anything, we're a call away, 'nak. Be back soon!"_

  
They made it back to his flat before Paulo opened his arms and he helplessly sunk into them, sobbing quietly.

Josh didn't talk much that night, but he wished in his mind he had that family growing up. Paulo understood though, and even though he never said anything directly, the omega reassured with a soft smile that he should definitely get ready for the surprise calls and chats from any of the Nase family from now on. Also, the subtle invites back to the house. His mother can be pretty damn convincing.

Things after that went smoother. Maybe another year in, Paulo suggested they find their own flat together. It was the most distinct answer he got for when Josh asked the other to be his mate on their anniversary. Within months of that mutual decision, they finally found a good place to build, with Ken helming the project. 

Ken.. He left the younger the keys to their home that had been their shared space for years. Though the younger denied being the slightest misty-eyed when Josh finally moved out, Josh still picked on him. He'll miss the guy. He was a permanent fixture in his life, and still is now, but he'll miss his presence that always filled their home with something that felt like how the Nase pack was around him.

He knew Paulo also had a hard time going away on a longer distance from his Stell. The younger alpha had a habit of keeping things light, that he distracted himself with helping with filling their moving in. It was like he was more excited than both of them combined, feeling proud that he had a huge hand on their relationship to even become one. And he did; they'll always be thankful for his divine intervention. He and Paulo had to handle his crying when he finally cracked on the last day. Which was like handling a kid, but it was okay.

They told them both that they were welcome to visit anytime. It's just a few minutes away from their places after all. And it's not like they won't be seeing each other everyday, anyway.

Right. Sometimes Josh wondered if it's too late to take the invitation back.

Sometimes he wondered if Paulo thought the same.

  
"Josh, the doorbell is ringing…" The omega stared up at him, saying the obvious. Well, Josh wasn't deaf; he's just decidedly ignoring the blaring fact. It was, what, a weekend? A slow, peaceful weekend where both of them had nothing else to do, except doing each other right. If only the doorbell wasn't ringing.

The alpha grunted, leaning down to continue painting the milky white expanse of his omega's collarbone with red and purple kisses. Paulo hummed into his ear, nibbling and kissing it, arms wrapped around the alpha's nape. That was the only thing Josh wanted to hear, damn it.

He hoisted the younger's bare legs securely around his hip as they continued their slow, languid horizontal dance. He felt fingers card and scratch on his hair, which he purred to. Meanwhile, he finally traced back to the other's stubbly jaw and back to those plump lips. Josh caught them with his own, sucking on them as he swallowed the other's erotic sounds-

 _ **Bzzzzt. Bzzzzzzt**_.

  
"Ignore it. It will go away." Josh whispered when Paulo pulled back from the wet kiss. He instead found something to latch on, which was the other's exposed Adam's apple.

The omega hitched a breath, before pushing away slightly, stuttering and red on the cheeks and ears. "Or it won't. Come on, what if it's an emergency?"

"Paulo, they have the keys to the front door. If it's emergency, they'd have called and barged in right now- whichever comes first." Josh sighed, rubbing his head on the crook of the other's neck where the omega's scent was the strongest. He used to not like the smell of strong coffee, but this one he was definitely addicted to.

Never mind the fact that he was stalling, and failingly so. He groaned, much to the younger's amusement. "Up, up, love. Before they finally remember they had keys."

It was Stell. In concession, the younger had the audacity to look sorry when they appeared and ushered him to the living room. They might be already dressed and decent (they had record-breaking dressing times), but there was no mistaking in their mingled scents what he just interrupted.

"It's Justin."

The name didn't any bells, but Paulo had the opposite reaction. He lit up, much to Stell's chagrin.

"He's back from States? Since when?"

"I don't know! Mom called and she said he's on the way here. Apparently, he decided on a whim he'd work from a hospital here. And because he hates me so much,-"

  
"It's your kid brother. He doesn't hate you, Stell."

"I thought you were on my side??"

  
"Did I change sides, geez."

  
Stell was looking like he was close to bursting a vein, which was a little weird if Josh interpreted the story right. He could read Stell's body language that he was all sorts of ruffled and disgruntled, all because his younger brother was.. what?

  
"Out of all hospitals in the whole Philippines, he chose to be near me. He's up to something! He always was!" Stell nearly yelled which definitely raised his own eyebrows. Before he could say anything though, Paulo gripped his thigh subtly, telling him he'll handle it.

"Stell," The omega began. Josh privately dubbed that voice as the _kid whisperer_ voice. It worked effectively against kids, and adults throwing childish tantrums. "Cut the kid some slack. He might just chose here because he misses you, and he needs some familiarity. Isn't it a long time since he came back here?"

"He shouldn't have. He has no reason to come back here. The whole family's there, and I heard he's on a good track to be the head in his work there. If he's here to rub it into my face, he can fuck off-"

Paulo sighed, rubbing his temples. "What can he possibly gain from that. Where is Justin now?"

Stell huffed, crossing his arms. "He's arriving tomorrow. Mom asked that he could stay with me. He knows I can't say no to her, that manipulative shit."

  
Instead of rising to the bait though, Paulo clapped his hand once in delight. "Great! We have time to prepare!"

"Prepare what?" He found himself asking, which was the first time he ever spoke at all since the other two went on with their conversation.

  
Stell's question was similar, disgust and surprise written plainly on his face. "What?"

  
"Oh, don't be too surprised, Stell. For a welcoming party, of course!"

Oh yeah, he definitely got that from his mother.

* * *

Justin was a tall, young alpha who should look like had the right to brag everything about his blessed looks, and rich guy status. He smelled a nice rich pine and cold, dewy mornings too. He was well-accomplished in life at such a young age and honestly if Josh was that young and stood next to the guy, he'd feel small. Well, not just physically.

Anyway, Justin was in fact, a sweet and polite boy. He's three years younger than Ken, but the two hit it off quite quickly. He and Paulo were in Stell's flat, where they hosted a welcoming party for the newcomer. It was just the five of them, and the atmosphere was cheerful and loud like he imagined. There were drinks and barbecues to last them the whole night. 

Stell looked the opposite of the man that interrupted their sweet time yesterday, all smiles and acting friendly with his own brother. It would surprise him, if not for his own boyfriend filling him up on the details the night before.

-when they should have continued where they left off, but didn't because they had tasks to do. Not that it mattered to this narrative.

_"Don't be too surprised if Stell acts differently tomorrow. Honestly, I could simplify their relationship as your typical sibling-rivalry. Except that until now, Stell's not over that rivalry. It's a sore topic to him, so if you're gonna ask, just prepare yourself, okay?"_

Was what Paulo said as they laid down on bed, hours after they finally got Stell to go straight home with a promise that he won't do anything stupid. 

Now though, seeing the young alpha, it was easier to relate to Stell. A bit. There was nothing unlikable about the guy, and he was young but really at the peak of his life. It should ring bells in his head that he's too spotless but Paulo's comfortable with him, treats him like a younger sibling. He's okay with that.

Anyway, the night went on peacefully and what Paulo warned about an impending family drama, didn't seem to unfold like he subtly prepared for. Before they went home, Justin got comfortable with Josh and most especially Ken. Which was nice, since the two had that twin chaotic energy that Josh definitely would watch out in the coming days. Anyway, he and Paulo dragged Ken with them so the brothers can have their family time.

After delivering the younger omega to his doorstep, Paulo finally checked in with both their phones in his pocket. Josh was driving this time, so he had the other playfully read the emails.

"This one here reminded you of your meeting with the investors in Seoul, which is.. Huh, later in the afternoon. I never saw you pack…" Josh blinked a couple of times before he swore out loud.

"You forgot, didn't you?" Paulo laughed out loud at him like the supportive partner that he was. 

The omega was a good motivation, though. Not because he somehow dressed nicely and sat between his legs while Josh crammed his proposal in for the next hours. No, of course not. Paulo thought better.

He crawled towards him as sexily as any prowling panther could be in only an oversized sweatshirt that almost dropped from those flawless shoulders, whispering naughty things in Josh's ear. ".. But that's if you get the proposal accepted~"

The devil knew Josh could take a peek under the loose curve of the other's neck sleeves. And _f_ _uck_ , on second thoughts, he did dress nicely. Damn it.

"I hate you." Josh groaned. Slumping on his side of the bed as he watched Paulo's back curl right next to him, the hem of his sweatshirt riding up to at the cursed angle where he could sight the the milky way that held the perky peach juuuuuust slightly. 

"Sure, you do.."

 _Sigh_.

"Hands off, alpha. I thought you agreed to the game?~"

* * *

"How are the kids?" Josh sighed, pushing a pillow on his back so he could deceive his body to stay upright for a couple of minutes more. It's been two days since he's flown to Seoul, and it wasn't like the meeting was the sole purpose he was there. He was also there to support his talents on their invite to a prestigious awarding ceremony. He even gave them a good pep talk that maybe if they worked hard enough together, they could be invited next year as nominees. 

Paulo drank to that as his way of celebrating with them. That was about an hour ago, when Josh and the staff took the kids out for dinner. Now, he's not anyone's CEO at the moment, but a tired, tired man ready to snore on his bed if not for his sheer will not to. Yet.

"Which ones?" The omega hummed, looking over the camera through his rimmed eyeglasses as he wrote something on his notebook. Probably a lesson plan. Probably a new song. Who knows? 

"The big babies." Josh clarified.

"Oh, they're getting along well. Stell complains that it's like he's babysitting two people but so far, he hasn't gotten them lost in any suspicious place." 

"Nothing to worry, then." The alpha huffed. Paulo only raised an eyebrow when Josh inevitably began sliding down horizontally on the bed. 

"Not yet. But I feel that there's something about to go down.. When are you coming home?"

Home. It's ridiculous, but Paulo made him all sappy with just the mention of the word. "Still got four days in. I'll be meeting the guys tomorrow, and the kids are performing on the day after that." 

"Ohh, good luck! I'll try to watch when I get out of classes."

"Hmm, yeah okay. Thanks."

"Go to sleep, Josh." Paulo finally got to his point. It's only 10 PM here, but the omega knew they had a long day tomorrow. Long, decisive day in fact. Their shot at a more global scale as a company was at stake tomorrow, for one. Josh wouldn't even believe he could get this far, if he was the same depressed man some measly ten years ago. But here he was, with a thriving company, a pack he can call his own and a very supportive boyfriend with him.

Ah, hell. He didn't need to be soft now. He needed something else to motivate him.

"Josh."

"Miss you.."

"Ew."

"Pauuuu…"

"Fine. Miss you, too. Go to sleep, you have a long day ahead tomorrow." Paulo relented, closing his notebook and sliding the glasses off his nose. The camera shook for a bit, manhandled until it was placed on the bed with Paulo shown in front of it, rolled to his stomach with both arms pillowing his head. It made his fluffy cheeks look stuffed between his arms, coupled with the perfectly almond-shaped eyes, thick eyebrows and long lashes, and a pair of plump pink lips. Josh is not gonna lie; his boyfriend was an adorable sight, more than usual. 

Or he's just terrible at missing the other so much, he's becoming ridiculously hopeless.

"I miss you." Josh pouted, putting the phone closer to his face if only he could reduce the massive distance between them.

And Paulo, finally, bless his heart, _finally_ took notice of his pitiful state because he then chuckled. "Are you in bed?"

  
"Paulo, I have been in bed for the past hour. Are we going to change your glasses-"

"Love, that wasn't a question." Paulo's voice dropped an octave, low and raspy that makes his bones rattle and Josh finally got it. "Are you in bed?"

  
"I- I thought we w- I mean, yeah.. Yes, I am.." Josh stuttered and stumbled, and almost tripped on his own covers but he made it through. It was no secret that Paulo can be commanding and dominating even despite his secondary gender. He was far from submissive to anyone, except Josh. But it was also *this* side that only Josh was able to experience himself. When Paulo was in a mood, and Josh just felt the urge to feel his boyfriend inside him for a change- Yes, they switch. It makes for a fun bedtime.

But also, it makes Josh burn in pleasure like no other when he was being made to let go of control, and just make Paulo in-charge of his entire being, "Pau…"

He breathed his omega's name in a breathy whisper, almost like a prayer. "Baby.."

  
".. Close your eyes, daddy.. Let me take care of you for a bit?"

"I- I thought we weren't doing this u-until-"

 _"Daddy, can we play a game_?"

Those were always the words.

And shit, the only thing that could top _t_ _hat_ right now was if Paulo was with him on this bed, and able to fuck Josh until he'd black out as a blabbering mess. But yea.. yeah, he can work with it for now.

"Yes," Josh's pitch suddenly got a little higher at the end, "Yes, baby.."

* * *

There was no way he was not getting that proposal accepted after what Paulo treated him to. Although, he was looking forward more to receiving the actual reward once he gets home. When he broke the news, the younger of course was excited and happy about it. The wink at the end of the call definitely made him drool though, leaving him aching to go home that instant.

Then again, he still had to wait for three whole days before they all got to go home. The special performance took the forefront of his mind, and then when it was more than positively received by the media, he had to make sure the boys and the company was ready for everything. 

Unfortunately, his flight was more than just delayed for a few hours due to a storm. In fact, it was delayed for a whole day. He told Paulo to just come to the airport tomorrow and the omega nodded in agreement. When the flights resumed before the next morning, though, they took the chance to book it home since it could be the next forever before the actual storm finished its tantrums. Josh concluded he could use it to surprise his lover who was no doubt sleeping in their bed at this ungodly hour.

Tiptoeing at 5 AM back into his home athat didn't feel like the frigid winter as Seoul was a small blessing in its own. Josh carefully, and so silently made his way into their shared bedroom. 

He was right. Paulo was in bed, not wearing his sinful sweatshirt and red-and-black-laced lingerie underneath that had Josh burning in the pits of hell everytime. In fact he was wearing one of Josh's old yellow shirts, one that had a faded game logo he used to play before and coupled with one of his dark boxers. He was peacefully slumbering about, curled on Josh's side of the bed, no less.

Josh couldn't help but smile. He took a quick shower before laying down next to the other, making sure they were under the covers securely. It took one second before Paulo turned to face Josh, still asleep and even doing that nasty sound of gnashing his teeth together, (any other time, Josh would have slapped him with some slippers to stop the cursed habit- as per Ken's sage advice) and fit himself right into the older's embrace. 

  
"You awake?"

"Go to sleep, Josh."

"Aw. Good night, _mamon_."

"…. Welcome home, _pandesal_."

"I- Yeah.. I'm home.."

* * *

He was right.

After that performance from overseas, Josh's homegrown kids did attract the attention of many. And this time, it wasn't just the local media. Their names were starting to gain popularity overseas, and while he allowed the boys to let that sink in- it was this time that he was needed the most as their CEO.

The sudden onslaught was almost too overwhelming, and he and his staff felt that. A lot. Even Ken felt it, as a fellow artist under the same company. Hell, Paulo felt it as someone who worked with them as an independent source. No one felt it like Josh, the decisions upon decisions that of course he made sure to ask his boys about. There were a lot.

Time to rise with the waves, as they say. But to Josh, the phrase was lacking and therefore, reckless. Time to make sure none of them crashes while they're at it, was what Josh would like to add.

"Did you get what I brought you?" The sound of Josh's own anchor and safe place broke him out of his piled up thoughts. It successfully brought him back to the quietness in his office. He told his staff to go him a few minutes ago, but he was staying for just a few hours to finish some work in before it multiplied tomorrow. 

His lover's voice was a nice reminder that he wasn't quite alone. In fact if Paulo wasn't overseeing his "kids" at a interschool camp with the other theater kids, he'd be right here- a foot up the table and watching something on his phone while waiting for the CEO to close up for the night. Because what even is a sexytime, let alone free time these days, when they're functioning adults in this society, right??

Paulo was referring to that takeout he himself arranged to be delivered to the busy alpha, something that never changed even until now, three years into their relationship "Yeah, I got it-"

"-In your stomach, Mr. CEO. Don't play words with me, I'm a Language Major."

"Yes! In my stomach, Sir Nase. You trust me so little."

"As I should."

"Anyway. Thanks. I really missed barbecue, love."

"You've been moaning about that since the other day-"

  
"I wasn't! Hey, did you guys eat yet?" Josh looked idly to the wall clock in his office, noting the time to be almost 9PM. 

"Yeah. We have to be early tomorrow, so there's that."

  
"Ook. Gotcha, Go to sleep now before you get bitchy around your students again!"

  
"You go home before 10 PM, or I'm siccing Ken on you. Actually, you know what I'm siccing him on you regardless.. "

"Do you really hate me that much?"

Paulo laughed, and it was a laugh of a manic, desperate man. Then he sobered up scarily fast. "Only because I am currently dry as a desert, Josh Cullen Santos, and I have been for the past month. Scratch that, I'm drier than a desert and even drier than Jah's jokes."

"Aw. I think I'm growing cobwebs down there, too. Sorry, love, hang in there." Josh replied with a coo, grinning to himself. He probably looked a little crazy in this empty room. It was nice to know he wasn't the only one figuratively dying from the lack of sex lately. Not that their world revolved around that alone, but when you have a boyfriend that's unfairly handsome and drop-dead gorgeous at the same time like he's some sex god, you're bound to miss it. A lot.

"-But Ken sounded a little troubled earlier when he called. Don't tell him I told you, but he sounded like he needed some words. So yeah, go dad!"

  
"I'm not his da- you know what, whatever. Yeah, I'll check on him. Get some rest, Pau." Josh was already trying to think what could it be. Earlier, he was happy and actually hanging out with some of the boys. Josh was actually going to say that his album did really well to get platinum at this early stage, but he figured woth the quickly increasing numbers he could hold out more until it hit double. Josh predicted it could just be weeks until that would happen.

He was doing more than okay with his gigs, and he finally got his pay from his last project as an architect. He didn't even hear anything from Stell, and that alpha usually was the first tell if they were having some argument about something.

Huh.

Was it about his family? 

* * *

  
"It's not about his family."

"Josh, what the fu -" Paulo fully awakened, grumpier than the cartoon character that lived in the trashcan. Nobody could blame him, the trip home from the camp was a full-on ten hour agony and he didn't find his alpha anywhere inside the house at bloody 1 AM. Yes. He had every right to throw a damn fit, Josh mused.

"Ken, he's not talking. But I squeezed something out that they're having a little problem with Stell at the moment." Josh mumbled on the curve of his lover's neck, unperturbed by the other's less than stellar mood. Paulo wasn't reachable in the next two days of their camping so Josh had to deliver the news personally when the other got home. Anyway, he was so sleepy, he could probably sleep till the next year, that's probably why he can't deign to think of a better time to talk about that. Damn if he could just pass the chance to worship his naked god on the bed, though, despite said god being a little bitchy than usual.

Josh wrapped an arm around the other's waist, his lips mouthing on the flesh of his shoulder where his glands were prominent. He heard the other whine despite the earlier chilly attitude. A little more and he'll have his omega soft and pliant on his arms now-

  
"Josh…"

  
"Shhh, love. Let me just... hmm, fuck you back to sleep alright?" He said it so confidently, and he's pretty sure his lover awoke at that. Paulo must have said something but it all got a bit muddled in his haze of lust. 

"You gonna fuck me while snoring?" The omega scoffed, turning around to find the alpha passed out right after he said the word sleep. Paulo would have loved to wake the guy up to finally make rain on his desert, or just wake him up for the hell of it- laugh at his antics for one- but he knew the alpha pretty much needed the sleep since forever ago.

* * *

Josh in fact, can chew food and drink water in his sleep, but sadly cannot grind nor fuck while asleep even if his life depended on it. Josh himself learned his the hard way that morning when Paulo was nearly bursting a lung just remembering what happened. It wasn't even the kind of laugh that was cute and adorable. It was the kind that had Paulo's tonsils full on display, almost flapping himself out of the bed and getting a concussion out of it.

"I hate you so much."

* * *

"You sure you cleared your schedule for the weekend?"

  
"Yep. Triple checked too, Sir Nase." Josh saluted with a sharp smirk, not minding at all that the buttons on his shirt were close to popping with how he was being handled.

"And the kids?" Paulo asked with a serious tone that meant he was here for business.

"They'll be fine for awhile. We did agree to let them sort their own fights for now-" He didn't even get to finish before he was thrown to the bed by the lapels of his dress shirt. He landed on soft pillows, though, as thoughtful as Paulo was. Within a second, the omega had his knees planted in either side of him before Josh could sit up. One hand pushed him down on the bed with a warning. The gleam on the younger's eyes sent pleasant shivers down his spine and Josh couldn't help it. He couldn't help but growl in anticipation, gripping the other's thick thighs and circling his hip upward to meet his lover.

He pulled down the omega by the arm for a sloppy, messy kiss. "There's my little devil. I missed you, love."

"You gonna make rain in me, alpha?" The man husked into his ear and bit his earlobe with a dark, seductive chuckle. Josh felt sly fingers leaving goosebumps across his chest and his taut abdomen as if beckoning him to answer.

Josh made a guttural sound in his throat, the alpha in him responding with a purr. "More than rain, love. Gonna fill you up so good you won't be out of bed soon~"

"Good. I-"

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what? Fucking hell, Josh, it's just the neighbor's cat-"

Josh bolted upright, pulling the disgruntled omega to his side, suddenly alert and awake for very different reasons. "Paulo, that was the door closing. Our door."

A few seconds in and Paulo himself joined in on listening. And yeah, no cat could unlock their doors and make heavy footsteps like that.

"They finally remembered they had keys." Paulo slumped disappointedly, staring forlornly at their bedroom door and just a bit teary-eyed. Josh himself was raining, ugly sobbing on the inside.

Josh literally waited weeks, and weeks to clear his schedule for this and they were so, so close! And no! Quickies-that-may-or-may-not-have-been-bordeline-exhibitionism don't count!

"I'm going to die of blue balls, _mamon_ , I swear."

Paulo leaned in to pat his cheek indulgingly, "I'll make sure to make a monument out of it." The omega was first to get out of the bed despite the teasing, "Josh Cullen Santos, CEO, bested by blue balls."

"As if you won't be missing me."

"I'll make sure to cut your dick off for remembrance."

The alpha's lust-induced erection definitely shrank at that. "…. Yeap, it's down. Thank god for your abysmal dirty talk, love." 

Paulo just laughed, "Yeah, I felt that one too. I'll make it up to you, okay? Get your ass up already."

"Eurgh."

* * *

  
The neighbor's cat was in fact Stell's, and it was in the name of Felip Jhon. Or Ken, as he was more known.

Ken looked every bit of a drowned, lost cat that was hunched on the sofa. Josh didn't dare to approach until his omega came back with a glass of water for the younger to drink before... well, doing what he was here for.

The moment Josh landed his hand on Ken's shoulder though, the omega broke down. It would have been spooky enough since Ken was never this emotionally distraught his entire life that they've known but here he was, clutching unto Josh like his life depended on it. Paulo was immediately at his side, rubbing his heaving back as if it could alleviate his unseen pain.

Ken never said they broke up. But, well, he walked in on Stell with a man on his bed, in broad daylight, no less.

"I.. I should have listened. You were right, this- this wasn't going to work out.. I was too stupid to think, to think it can be just all fun- but fuck, why does it hurt?" Ken stumbled between hiccups and stuttering breaths, "It hurts.. So much, so much right here-"

Paulo had to steer that hand away from clawing at Ken's own chest. Josh caught his stare and Paulo's not saying anything but he's angry. No, he's _livid_ without words. 

And even though he knew Stell deserved to be hung by the testicles (yes, he was listening in years ago), Josh couldn't have it in his good conscience to let his omega loose on a warpath. Not without him. Not without Josh who took every broken piece that was his friend and brother years ago, only to be shattered. Again. His time by someone that wasn't family, but one he chose to love.

"Wasn't I enough?" Ken repeatedly asked in his quiet, fragmented voice even until he fell asleep out of fatigue. It was only the younger omega's hold around him that Paulo relented to not storming out the house. Josh laid on the other side, curving protectively over Ken's back.

The anger could wait. Hell, the sex could fucking wait.

* * *

Stell entered his doorway, and instinctively took a step back. Well. He had every right to feel a bit spooked. But really, they were just returning the favor for all the times he barged into their home unannounced.

"Sit down, Stell." Josh calmly ordered, and if the rare commanding tone didn't make the younger alpha pee in his pants just a bit, then there was at least Paulo.

"I promised you, that I'd go wherever you'll go, Stell." Paulo quietly cut the silence with his soft, and deceptively calm voice. ".. But you have to stop running."

  
Paulo's voice contained all sorts of a plea, a warning, and a desperate wish in one tone. And that made Stell hesitantly sit down on the table next to them. The silence reigned for just a bit more before the younger alpha bowed his head and murmured, "Is.. Is Ken.. Okay?"

"He's currently being dragged all over the city with Kuya's wife and my two sisters. He's plenty distracted, I'd say. You know how they get." Paulo answered back evenly, like they were just talking about the weather.

Hell, it was a miracle the guy even let himself be swept up by the obvious ploy. But Josh had a company to run, and Paulo had classes to teach. And one errant friend to catch that didn't want to be found. They made sure to throw all the alcohol out, but still was worried Ken would do something drastic. Worse, run away and disappear from everyone.

  
"They can take care of themselves, but if you're so worried I sent Jah with them there, too-"

Stell's demeanor changed, fists clenching on his lap and jaw tightening. Josh was sure Paulo was onto something here, just by lying about Justin thrown into the hastily made group and mentioning him here in this conversation. Whatever it was, he was close to getting it.

"-which, by the way, I just found out that you threw out of your flat just a couple of days ago. Without reason, I might add."

"I had a reason," Stell mumbled.

"Yes and that is..?" Paulo leaned in. Stell flinched back, and Josh could definitely relate. Being spoken to in that tone like he's some kid. It was so sickeningly patient, but also effectively insulting.

Stell looked up abruptly, "Please don't do that. I'm not a kid, Paulo. If I told you, you wouldn't understand. You never did, none of you did-"

"Does that include me?" Josh chimed in, a light smile on his face. "Well, Stell, you can always say I'm wrong but.. Is this about Justin?"

Stell was quiet, then. Josh threw his partner a look and right now, he just looked sad.

"Didn't you have siblings, Josh?" The younger alpha asked, somber and suddenly just tired and frighteningly young.

"Lots. You know, I think with my twins and my sister Yuna, they'd be on a grand total of twenty one now."

"Did you ever felt like you were always no good in someone's eyes, always second, always less. That you were ever just there to be a first trial, first mistake. And that no matter what and did, you can never be someone in their eyes?"

  
Well.. Well, that was heavy. 

  
"Stell," Paulo began to respond but Stell already anticipated that tone-probably heard it many times already that he began shutting himself away from the conversation. Which was really, not the way Josh wanted. He squeezed the omega's knee under the table and replied, "Well, I did feel jealous a lot. And yeah, I did feel those things growing up. I mean, nobody really took me in until I was legal age. I tried to be that ideal child to every parent who visited there, tried to get noticed. Tried everything, really."

Josh sighed, "I know it's not the same. I won't say that, Stell. But I'm saying I kind of.. understand."

"Jah.. He was everyone's favorite. He always had favor with mom, and dad liked him especially when between the two of us, he's the one who excelled academically, and then went on to follow his footsteps as a general surgeon. Me, I'm just an HRM graduate, not even earning that much compared to my brother's salary back then. I tried to make them proud in the one thing I was actually good at, singing, dancing. Performing.. I.. Didn't really make it. But you know what? It didn't hurt as much, not anymore, when I met Jake."

Jake? The name didn't even ring a bell.

Paulo's jaw twitched, and he can definitely smell the animosity coming off him from that name alone.

".. He was everything to me, because he made me feel like I was everything. He was the one that pushed me to try and follow my dreams, the one who made me confident, and made me comfortable being me. I didn't feel less because of my parents' standards, or anybody's, whenever I was with him. He was.. He was everything I ever hoped for. But well, nothing of that really existed. One day, I just woke up to the fact that he didn't really love me, he just wanted someone to spend and cater to all his whims. He wanted everything I could and couldn't give, simply because he knew I'd bend over backwards to give him that in exchange for his attention. And.. And I wasn't really free with him, just caged to his own standards, that I didn't see coming for a long, long time. 

"Did you know what he said to me, that day when I decided I had enough? I was ready to throw everything if he just apologized, that was how bad I was, but he.. He just laughed at me, and told me I'm never going to find anyone who'll love me the way he did. I will never be worth anything, because I'll never be my brother. In fact, he only ever tolerated me because he couldn't get a chance at my ever perfect, out of anybody's reach brother." 

Stell, in that long story that spilled all his shattered pieces, laughed at the last sentence, "And he's right. Of course, he's right. I tried not to let it get to me. I know he's messing with my head, tried to get away as far as Japan just to escape that. But he was right. Without Jake, who gave me that love and attention however twisted it was, I really was nothing. How can I run from that?"

"Paulo found me that day, dragged me out of that bridge. I'm not going to deny that I'm fucked up. Paulo's tolerated me playing around with any warm body for as long as I could remember, just because I told him I was happy that way and I promised not to hurt. Nor hurt myself with it. And then.. and then there's Ken." Stell finally made himself look at Josh, who was pretty sure had been holding his breath hearing the story.

"It was fun. It really was just all that until one day I loved him. So much, that there wasn't a day I was afraid he'd walk out on me, find someone better than this- than what I could give, just because I was scared shitless to hold him any closer enough to hurt me. And then, everything just messes up because Justin came back- and he's back in my life again, not even trying but he's taking everything from me again. And it's not fair! To you it's petty, and you'll say that I should get over it- but Ken is actually the only person I've wanted so much in a long time, and now even he's grown attached to Jah, and I'm not.. stupid enough to stay and see how that ends, Josh."

The alpha was silent, mulling everything in his head for a long, long while. When he spoke, he forced Stell to look at him while he did. "So.. So you didn't break up with him, and instead showed him how you can dump him over a new guy you can fuck in your bed?"

The younger alpha almost whimpered. Josh felt Paulo's hand grip hard on his thigh; it's a nice reminder that if he's going to blow up unnecessarily, somebody is ready to deck him on the face if need be.

  
"You wanted to hurt him, before he hurts you like you assumed he will, eventually."

  
"That's-"

  
"Stell, you were hurt. You knew how it felt to be worthless, and lacking, and never enough for anyone- and you don't want to feel that again, I get it, but did you ever realize how you made Ken feel the exact way? And for a reason that you weren't sure would come true?"

"You don't know that, but I do! It always ends up that way. You've never been in my life to know it won't happen again!"

  
"I don't need to live in your shoes to know that, and that you're a selfish, self-centered, pitiful idiot! You're so sure you love him?? Do you never see the way he looks at you?"

  
"Josh.."

  
"You don't hurt people with an excuse that you had a bad ex, or had a bad life, Stell! Especially not people who just wanted to love you!" Josh was practically yelling by now, and if not for Paulo forcing him down to his seat, he'd have grabbed the younger by the shirt and knocked some sense into him. Because, _holy shit_. That was fucked up. Stell fucked up so bad, he thought he needed more than just a stern scolding.

"You know, I could knock you out for the sheer fact that you made one of **mine** cry. I don't care if you're pack, Stell. I don't care if you think it's the world against you. I know you know you fucked up. Real, real bad. If you think I'm going to coddle you, or just sit in the sidelines and watch every person that loves you be driven away with your stupid decisions, you are dead wrong."

"Josh, calm down!" Oh, he will calm down later alright. He'll get every bit of dramatic if only to drill into this kid's skull the consequences of his actions.

Stell wasn't even consolable at that point, mumbling his apologies one after the other. He looked frighteningly young, suddenly so small hunched over the table and not at all the cheerful, always positive guy that he knew. He should have seen this coming, really. Nobody really was that pure of a person, and he just happened to discover Stell's darker side this way. 

And he was upset.

But he'd like to be hopeful. Optimistic, even. Because he knew Stell had a fighting chance against his own demons. He's got people who loves him and who won't let him run away like he did before.

  
He sighed, "You'll be okay, Stell. But you will have to start actually doing something for it, alright?" For a start, he pried the younger's hands from tearing into his own scalp. It's like how it was with Ken, really. Paulo was tightly embracing Stell as if he could make every bad thing go away with his sheer strength. Sadly, Josh knew they never go away. Not easily. Stell carried his for so long, it would take more than a few hugs, a serious talk, and a full-blown crying session.

But he will be fine. In time.

* * *

So, in that week he's yelled at Stell into sobbing like a seven-year old. But that was also the first time the young alpha agreed that he did need help. He needed help to heal from Jake, and every hurt that piled into his life like an old, festering wound.

Josh also had to see his own lover, who's never cried at anything except his stash of trashy romcoms and drama series (hell, Josh cries over them too), sob quietly on his arms that night. Wondering the same things Ken did, and regretting that he wronged Stell for not being what he needed. All those shitty things Paulo knew he shouldn't take full responsibility over, but just couldn't help it. 

And Josh gets it, he really does. You love someone so much you wanted them badly to be alright, but sometimes that wouldn't be enough, and you think that's on you- but it isn't. People are their own responsibilities, at the end of the day. 

He also had to overhear Stell formally breaking up with Ken the next day, but it was with a promise. It was bitter but also sweet. He wished he could say these scenes only existed in soap operas and cheesy romcoms, but this was real. The pain was real. It could never be as much as what Stell nor Ken felt, but he still felt it.

The brothers finally had a long overdue talk. It wasn't easy by any means, but hey, they didn't receive a murder report or anything after that morning so that was okay. Stell was the one who asked that Justin move back, just so he could try to make things between them right again. And just for the record, Justin already declared that he didn't feel anything towards Ken that was remotely romantic. He really did just miss his brother, and missed the brother that once doted and loved his little sibling to the ends of the world.

By the end of the week, they did get the younger alpha on their doorstep again, though. With Ken in tow. They had self-bandaged fingers and arms. Ken had a stray black eye while Justin looked like he fought with an angry cat. They both looked so proud while Josh and Paulo panicked. Josh then realized this what his gut was telling him from the moment he saw the two bond over together. This unbridled, chaotic energy finally made its grand appearance.

Paulo's eyes went huge, eyebrows drawn- and yeah, he's on a roll. "What the fuck did you do?!"

"We... I, um.. We found Jake-"

  
"Didn't I tell you not to do anything stupid?!" Paulo was pretty sure he aged faster in that admission alone.

Ken just smiled shyly, "We found out that about the guy. He was shady enough to earn years in prison. We just.. um.. made sure he didn't get away with them. And wouldn't be able to."

  
"Felip Jhon Suson, I swear to God you idiot-"

  
Justin raised his hand, which was already a bold move against a very displeased Paulo. "Please don't worry. I just happened to be good friends with a lawyer and that's just what we meant by not getting away with his cases-"

"You make it sound like he's a serial killer or something-"

"Not really… I think he's gone real low after Stell dumped his ass. Fraud, theft, robbery, drugs, illegal possession of guns-"

"HE HAD GUNS!?"

"Naww, he didn't get to use them."

"Sit the fuck down, Felip Jhon Suson!" The older omega glared and hissed venomously.

"And he didn't even recognize us!-"

"You shut your damn trap too, Justin Ajero. I knew it. I knew it, you're a sly bastard." Josh bemoaned. Honestly, he would have approved nonetheless. But he was old enough not to really encourage the dangerous. Still..

Still, with how Justin explained from the start-up seemed that they did plan everything in favor of the bastard omega's ruin. Forty three years in prison, and no amount of bail. Yeah, that was much, much deserved. The beating was for Stell, and Josh very much wished he was there to land a few punches in too.

"You could have told me. I could have personally eviscerated him." Josh mulled out loud, earning a sharp glare from his own boyfriend. He smiled with all the charm he can muster, while Paulo held his head on his hands, tired and really just done with the week. He had just drove Stell earlier that morning for his therapy session too. It had been a long, long week indeed. At this point, he wasn't even sure if their battered libidos survived throughout all that, or just died a sad death without them noticing.

"Are you two going to confess of murder anytime soon, or what?" Josh offered, making the two grin and shake their heads. Children. They were all children. There was no doubt in it. And he's the eternally done parent, and Paulo's the other eternally frustrated and exhausted parent. 

"Then, get out."

"Aw," Ken whined, "I'm kinda hungry, though. Do you guys have anything to eat?"

"Wash your own plates and scram!"

"Thanks, mom!"

* * *

"Paulo, are you okay?" It's been a while since the drama in his life died down. There were more things added to their routine now, like checking in and making sure of Stell's progress with his therapist. Or checking in how Ken was doing on his own, busy on his gigs or at home being a lazybody. Or how Justin was doing along with his brother in their shared flat.

Or how he himself finally found the courage to face his own family, his mother, watching Stell and Justin try on their own to fix their bond.

They get by. He gets by, though he's still wrung out to talk nor think about them now. Josh didn't think he could make it, but he did, and he was proud to say it was because his anchor, his safe place was there beside him. All the time. 

  
Life was back to its normal. Josh still has a company to run, and Paulo still had his teacher duties. The omega even dropped by to check on their ongoing project for their boys' comeback. Said man was currently on the sofa in Josh's office, but not with his usual feet up and melted goo posture on his furniture. He was sitting on one end, furthest from the desk in fact, eerily silent and long ago abandoning his earphones in favor of curling into what looked like miserable ball.

Josh hadn't noticed until he looked up after an eternity of staring contest with his papers, and it was then he smelled the other.

Paulo _smelled_. With his normal only a faint wisp even to Josh's keen nose, Paulo practically reeked right now.

"Love?" He called out again, worried that he began approaching the younger to see what's wrong. Because if his stomach ached, then they were both in trouble since they ate the same thing.

"Josh?" The alpha suddenly sweated, his throat dry. He was only about a meter and a half from the other and the wave almost made him stumble.

"I think.. I think, I'm in heat."


	7. The Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paulo in heat. Thankfully, no drama this time. Not more than usual anyway.

Thinking back, getting to know Paulo, and then eventually being mates with him was a journey in on itself. Outside Stell and Ken who knew them like the back of their hands, everyone else easily thought they had the reverse kind of dynamics. And yeah, it was easy to say that. Paulo was outright domineering, both in stature and looks, and the aloof attitude. Even when they we're trainees, he had a way to command respect and obedience without so many words- and that's before they hear his pep talks. He excelled in everything, and was above everyone else. Even though the Paulo now was more muted and lowkey, he still has that aura that could make any lesser alpha step back and any beta, or omega pay attention to.

  
And Josh was just different. He was a runt; just above the average height but not outstanding enough. His time in the orphanage where he was both molded to be the omega everyone thought he was just to get liked by the fosters, and the fact that he was closer to his omega siblings because of that misguided thinking definitely had a play on how he turned out to be. As a tiny kid who had an innate nature to protect, where everyone thought was just his omegan mothering instinct, he learned from a young age to win fights differently than how society's standards for alphas do. He learned to appreciate and seriously learn what the sisters deemed were chores and courses for future omegas, not because he felt that he was one, but because he knew they were better survival skills than none. Cooking, sewing, doing the chores, gardening, cleaning, being the good right hand to any authority, being empathetic, making yourself presentable- all of that they were forced to label as omega things. 

Josh snuck into one of the alpha classes and balked at their courses. Oh, they were taught that they could have the world in their hands, for sure, but not being able to properly cook a damn soup wasn't getting them to the next day. 

Fact is, Josh was bullheaded _and_ sly, one that most people overlook since the stereotype of an alpha was more on brute strength and straightforwardness. He was nurturing, but also fiercely territorial. And while there was no doubt in Paulo's strength that fit in right into the archaic alpha mold, he was also deeply loyal and cared for everyone in ways that most people take for granted or overlook for the lack of grandiosity in them.

And that was fine. Josh's stronger scent was a dead giveaway to anyone who outright judge his status, and Paulo never really cared being mislabeled. In fact, he hated being treated just because of his secondary gender.

That didn't mean it wasn't a source of their insecurities, though. Josh had to constantly prove himself, especially in the corporate world where he was belittled at first sight. A big part Paulo's self-esteem issues also stemmed from him not looking and being omega enough.

It's not a thing Josh usually thinks about, but it was a thought that barrelled through him now, as he drove back to their house the moment Paulo declared that he was in heat. Said omega was bundled in Josh's own coat in the passenger seat, trying not to fidget too much and practically covering his nose with the other's scent to calm down. Josh was just thankful Arissa cleared out the entire hallway before they got out. Paulo's scent practically overpowered everyone at that point, and even himself.

"You said those papers were important."

The alpha hummed, "Well, everything's important and due as soon as possible in that office, Paulo. Don't worry."

  
"And you're not there to work on them." 

  
"Nah, they're okay. You know I have the best staff."

He heard the younger sigh, mumbling about having the worst timings and all that. Paulo did look too guilty for something out of his own control, as was his usual tendency from time to time, but Josh vowed to set that one straight.

"Love, you're not getting in the way of anyone. And it's not like you knew it would happen. You said it yourself, you don't know when your next heat will be. It's fine." The alpha reassured. He'd cuddle his omega to emphasize his point if he wasn't currently hellbent on driving as fast as he could.

"Josh?"

"Hmm?"

"Will.. Will you mark me?" 

They've had that talk before. Of course they both knew they were well past courting by now and the only thing that was left was for Josh to mark Paulo as his own. That wasn't an entirely pleasurable experience outside an omega's heat though, and worse, the mark for some reason doesn't really stick for long nor traditionally count if they still do it regardless. This was why Paulo was actually worried; not being able to get his next heat until Josh got tired of waiting- which was impossible, and Josh repeatedly told the omega so.

"I can't wait to tell everyone that you're mine alone, love."

* * *

"I just realized," Josh said out of the blue. They've done this many times before, but it seemed with Paulo's heat overriding his own thoughts and lowering his inhibitions, the omega's insecurities began rearing its ugly head. He was tensed up, so unlike the times when he was playful like the little devil Josh sometimes sweetly named him for. And Josh couldn't blame him, really. He himself was nervous he'd do it wrong and maybe take a chunk out, or bite in the wrong place that'd definitely hurt the other. But unlike Paulo, who was slowly succumbing to the throes of his heat, Josh was relatively still saner. He had no excuse. 

Except if his rut is triggered along the way.. Well…

"Didn't I promise you to fill you up so good, you won't be out of bed for long?~" 

  
He could practically see those brown hues dilate at the words, the omega's scent filling the room to the brim with his own. Interestingly, he now smelled less of strong black coffee and more on melted sugar, which really made Josh purr at the sweetness. Paulo fidgeted under him, rubbing his thighs together and flinching a bit when he heard that squelching sound of his own, outpouring slick. "Baby love~" Josh called out, tenderly cupping the younger's chin to look at him.

"Let daddy take care of you, okay?" 

Paulo whined, nodding and whispering a soft okay as an afterthought. It was Josh's way of reassuring the other that it's just going to be like the usual, and that they're going to be fine.

He kissed Paulo breathless, until he's moaning and grinding his own body towards him. Until they were tangled in limbs on the bed, hungrily sucking and lapping at each other's mouths. Until Paulo's scent spiked even more and his confidence came back to a full glow. "Alpha.. a-alpha..." the omega exhaled in a prayer, rolling to his stomach and presenting his perky bottom up in the air. It showed in full display his pretty and pink hole, puckering and inviting with lavish amounts of slick. Josh had never felt so hard in his life with a single show of submission from his own normally untamed omega. 

  
The younger's voice was a low, breathy whisper, cheeks against the pillows as he held on to one of the older's arms. Josh swallowed when their eyes met, nothing but pure unadulterated lust and love residing their hazed hues. "Take me, please."

It took everything of the alpha not ram inside that instant. Instead he leaned down and flattened his palm on the dip of the other's waist, kissing along the trail of his arched spine. Maybe Paulo felt like all his nerves were exposed because the mere action had him keening, fisting the sheets and buckling helplessly into the pillows.

Before the omega could plead, a girthy finger finally found it's way inside him, sliding along the walls and making sounds with his slick. Josh chuckled at the sight of his lover, openly thrusting into his finger while his back was painted in a lovely shade of red.

"D-don't tease-!"

"I know, I know. Sorry, love. You're just too delectable." Josh amended as he continued planting kisses along his back, leaving goosebumps everywhere his lips touched. Another finger went in, and the omega moaned out loud at the sensation. Paulo could probably take him in now, but he'd like to be sure it won't hurt. 

He reached over to finally land his lips on the other's, swallowing the younger's sweet sounds and whispers to hurry up. Paulo's eyes were closed, expression between heated bliss and agony. It was always a sight that made him weak but also terribly, painfully more aroused.

"Josh-nggh.. hah.. Ple-uh- please, alpha- haah.. ahh~!"

The omega keened, mouth hanging open as Josh finally entered. The alpha groaned in return, chasing the other's lips as he tried not to lose himself to the consuming heat around his member. Paulo had always been tight, and hot, but the other's heat had left the alpha literally breathless and almost coming just as he was readily welcomed in. He could feel himself pulsing, getting more excited that the omega felt it too in his closed, tight walls. 

If Paulo was asked that moment, he felt like being speared open. It's been a long while since his alpha's cock molded his insides, and now that he's sheathed, he remembered how massive the other was. He couldn't help latching into it, sucking him in greedily like a long, awaited beloved. "Fuu-ah.. Alpha-aah.."

"S.. so tight, love.. Missed you-hnnn- so much-…." Josh couldn't help the growl at the other's almost incoherent mumbles. He suckled on the omega's tongue before pulling and pistoning back in with a buried groan into milky white shoulders. 

"Pau.. baby.. hold me, okay?" The older cooed into his ear. Paulo's moan reached a higher pitch when the other abruptly moved, but nodded quickly, reached behind to hold one of the alpha's hand in a vice grip. It was clear he was too absorbed in the pleasure to think straight.

His permission granted, Josh planted one last kiss on the other's bare shoulder before pulling back slowly to the tip. Then he slammed back inside, setting a slow, steady pace that then rocked their bed. And Paulo loved it, voice steadily climbing to a scream at the slow but deep thrusts until Josh hit the bundle of nerves in just the right angle.

"There, love?" The older grunted, muscles straining and voice a deep baritone that made the omega squeal in answer.

"Y-ye-ss-uh! Ah! ha- plea..seee"

"Okay, love. Hold on.." Josh stopped, just right where his tip was pressing at his prostate, making the omega practically delirious in want, eyes rolling back and lips drooling on the sheets.

He had no room for teasing anymore, though. He could practically feel himself melt with the thick sex-filled air and the feeling of his lover clenching and swallowing him so earnestly. The alpha grunted, adjusted his bearing before starting the pace again. Paulo would, at another time, tease him fondly for being able to fuck like a rabbit in heat- fast and hard. 

He was unrelenting, fast and accurately hitting the other's sweet spot repeatedly. It had the omega's frame bucking under the wave of stimulations, garbling his alpha's name along with a litany of unreserved moans and screams.

"Uhn-hah.. Ha.. Ah-nn! Ah! Ah!"

It made Josh's inner alpha purr, watching his omega losing himself to the pleasure by him. The broken chants of his name and his delicious moans fueled his drive to ram himself deeper, faster, just like his beloved liked very much. He gripped the other's falling hips, supporting the other while his other held Paulo's hand fervently as they chased their a fast-approaching release. He was becoming bigger, his knot swelling and catching at the rim and Paulo felt it, tightening even more that the alpha was groaning. They clutched each other's hand as they chased their orgasms. 

"M-m close-!" 

"Me, too. L-love..!" Josh cooed into his love's ear, kissing tears falling on his cheeks and eventually the curve of his neck where the raised glands stood out. He began lapping at it, stuttering Paulo's incoherent moans. The omega tensed up inevitably, but Josh delivered his reassurances with a kiss to his skin and then made him moan sweetly with a sharp thrust of his cock.

His thrusts were then reduced into grinds when his knot swelled at its peak. Josh leaned in, pressing constantly on the other's back and also on his prostate until Paulo shouted, convulsing in his orgasm and gushing his juices in spurts. He felt the other clench him so hard, heat consuming him and his slick flooding his already overheated member. It sparked something in him in that moment. He came next, moaning and filling his omega to the brim with so much in a long while. Paulo took them all inside, mouth hung open and drooling at the feeling of being so full and shaking through the overwhelming sensations. The younger barely registered it when Josh wrapped his lips on the gland. He let his teeth sink in hard until it bled. He stopped then, heart out of his ribcage when Paulo's cries reached past his ears.

He began coating the mark with his saliva, cooing and holding his omega- his mate now, officially- who was gasping, mewling in the aftermath of pleasure and pain.

"It's okay, love, you're okay.. It won't hurt soon promise.."

He laid them on the side, catching their breaths. Josh himself was still riding in the high of that orgasm and the primal instinct of finally marking his omega, but he knew at the back of his mind the spark earlier was actually his rut being triggered. His other instincts also moved freely on its own, trying to release more pheromones to calm his omega down.

And this will be a long three days, for sure, but he's going to make every bit of it worth it for the both of them. 

"Josh.. Don't sleep on me." Paulo finally came to his senses, voice the beginnings of a hoarse whisper as he subtly pressed back to the older's chest. It definitely surprised a laugh out of him, which they *definitely* both felt with their intimate connection.

"O-oh fuck, don't laugh-!"

  
"-Don't be funny!" That was one time, but Paulo seemed to not forget it. The man can forget monthsaries and anniversaries, hell, birthdays, but not Josh's embarrassing moments. How lovely.

They tried not to giggle from the high, and was eventually successful. "Hurt anywhere?" 

"Mmm, neck feels a little sore.."

"Did.. Did I do okay?" Josh found himself asking.

Paulo hummed, reaching to the bite mark and almost touching it if not for Josh hastily adding, "Don't touch it!"

"What? I can't see it. Is my artery jutting out? Or did you see a bone peek somewhere?"

"N-no.."

"Does your mouth feel like you've eaten a chunk of meat-"

"No! Why do you make me sound like a cannibal, good lord-"

"Then you did just well, alpha." The younger replied almost nonchalantly, but Josh knew even with his back turned that Paulo as smiling. The one smile that he reserved for the other only. "Or should I say, _my_ alpha?"

Josh groaned and buried his head between the other's shoulder blades, the omega making a soft noise, "Oh,"

"Yeah, don't.. don't do that. You'll wake the little guy up before I get you to drink your water.."

"… But alpha… I want to drink yours instead." Paulo began moving just subtly. Josh felt it anyway. His arms began to tighten around the other's stomach. He groaned at the familiar heat coiling in his gut again.

"Paauu."

"Please?~ I'm thirsty, my alpha.."


	8. Need You Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ken gets an enthusiastic, if a bit morally-challenged, fanatic at an event. But his CEO/nosey brother/father-figure was thirsty, and adamant that Ken stayed away from all alcohol for the night.
> 
> So Josh ends up falling into that trap. Not that it was all that bad. After all, he liked when his baby love is out to play.
> 
> (Set just months after the two moved in together.)

Ken could feel the familiar glare from the other side of the room, and he knew whose it was just by the way the little hairs in his nape stood.

"Nice glass you have here, Ken." The owner of the glare easily slotted themselves next to Ken, not five seconds after he felt the foreboding omen. Ken chuckled, a bit nervously, mirroring Josh's easy smile with his own.

"Come on," he pouted, "It's just one shot. They'd think I'm a party pooper, wasting a fine wine like this." The younger omega swirled the the clear content of his thin, exquisite-looking glass. He already looked the part of a suave wine connoisseur, what with the crisp three-piece silver-black suit and all, so why not just go all the way, right?

Apparently, his nosey CEO was not having it. Josh snorted and took the glass in one smooth gesture in between his delicate fingers. "Drink some juice, then."

  
"But Jooosh, I'm thirsty."

  
"The water is right there. Blue container. You can't possibly miss that in all this silver and gold decoration, Felip."

"Noooo, I want the thing that burns nicely in my throat-"

  
The older just rolled his eyes, "Go eat fire, if you want that burn too much. I don't want our prided solo artist be in the tabloids next morning for being a stripper drunk."

Ken gawked, a little bit offended. "I don't strip when drunk! I-" He thought real hard about what kind of drunk he was, and well, honestly.. It varied.

As if Josh saw through the train of his thoughts, he raised an eyebrow and then drank the wine in one go. Ken grunted, scratching the back of his head while pouting. "You're just being annoying because Paulo's not here yet."

  
"You're honestly right. How did you know that?" Josh snarked back, but otherwise patted the younger on the back. 

Ken got a little spooked out when Josh suddenly turned around to the direction of the big oak doors where the entrance to the gala was. Ken only took a second to follow his gaze before he chuckled. Josh was already leaving him and the empty glass, eyes only for the older omega. Paulo's not usually late, but he'd gotten stuck in traffic after a faculty meeting that he couldn't skip out. Not that it diminished his frankly dashing, and blinding looks even from this distance.

Eyes definitely lingered on the newcomer, some recognizing the man for the CEO's partner. Some had better eyes who knew him as _that_ composer.

To Paulo, none of those mattered, Ken knew. The newcomer's eyes were only glued to one person only. It's almost too good to be true, but it is real. Ken thought of how disgustingly sappy his "parents" get, and shrugged with a small grin. They've been like this for almost three years now, and wouldn't have it any other way.

"Just one sip?" He called after the alpha who was already almost briskwalking towards his omega like a man on a mission. He was only half- kidding in his question, though.

"Not on my watch, Kenken~"

"Aw."

* * *

"You're awfully clingy tonight." Paulo whispered with a smirk, raising an eyebrow when his boyfriend frowned and tightened the hold on his hip.

"Awfully?" The older pouted, their footsteps easily falling beside each other as they swung around to the slow, melodious beat.

Paulo rolled his eyes even as he indulged Josh's lead, turning on his heels to spin gracefully around the other's hold. "Fine. Clingy."

"Is that bad? They were looking at you and I'm jealo~us." Josh grumbled. Just in time Paulo finished his twirl, he suppressed a sound in his throat when Josh pulled him sharply to him. They met gazes, and stared without seemingly breathing altogether. The world might as well stopped.

The taller man broke off first with a loving rub on the other's nape, making the alpha's eyes grow half-lidded. "You're drunk."

"Am no~t."

Paulo leaned in, close until their noses almost touched. Naturally, the alpha's breath hitched at the sudden movement. He smiled then, tilting Josh's head as if to kiss him- right here, right now in front of so many people and cameras- but Paulo only went to sniff at his boyfriend's breath. "You don't even smell like you've drunk a lot. You do.. smell.. "

He pulled back, suddenly a bit too confused while staring at Josh's red ears and cheeks, dilated hues, and almost too lax smile on his lips.

"Oh, love." Paulo frowned, lacing their fingers together as they smoothly glided away from the dancefloor. He didn't even throw any sideways glance to the others who definitely saw that commotion from their little corner. 

* * *

  
A trip to the nearest emergency room conluded that yes, it was indeed a dose of drug mixed in that little glass of wine. Paulo himself couldn't believe how fast his evening took a turn. He's only arrived about five minutes into the gala that Josh's company annually held for all of its talents and crew, inviting the media they trusted. It was supposed to be a big thing, considering that their artists are really gaining a name in the mainstream these days. 

And Josh, the hands-on and very much visible CEO of his own company, somehow managed to get himself drugged. 

Paulo called Ken the moment Josh slurred about the only drink he's drank in that party, a stern voice in his tone that made the younger swallow and obey without question.

"Is Josh okay?"

"Just a bit loopy, but it's better if we deal with it at home.. The drug did make him a bit.. hornier than usual."

"O-oh.." Just thinking that it'd be Ken in Josh's place made his blood boil in a surge of protectiveness. He's pretty sure Stell was not just going to take the news lightly, too. Not that it made him any less angrier that it was his own partner who got unlucky..

"Don't worry, okay? If you want, I'll send Stell-"

"N-no, it's fine. I'm staying behind. I don't want to cause a scene until the party's over.."

"Felip..-"

"I'll be fine, mom."

"Oh, you like joking around, _don't you._ "

"Was just trying to lighten up the mood, okay I promise to stay out of trouble- have fun, and good luck Pau, byebye!" The younger hastily stumbled over his words at the warning tone of the older omega, making Paulo shake his head slightly. At least the message was received quite clearly. 

He made sure the staff and security knew about the damning drink and the situation. "And.. Miss Ari, if you find out who it is, tell me." The omega dropped the call with a scowl and a dark storm overtaking his senses, hands twitching at the steering wheel. His darkening mood was only interrupted by Josh at the back seat, laid down and trying not to fidget too much.

"Lo~ve, are you sad? I'm sorry, we had to g~o.."

A chuckle unbiddingly escaped Paulo's lips, turning to his boyfriend and reaching out to tuck a stray hair from his head. "Nah, you know I'm not for those crowds, Josh."

The alpha huffed, turning his head slightly to catch more of his boyfriend's touch. "You looked so go~rgeous, though?" He blinked and seriously added in a whisper, "I'm s~o lucky to have you."

  
It would have made Paulo melt right then and there, if not for the fact that currently, his partner was drugged enough to trigger an episode of his rut and reduce him to this admittedly adorable drunk. Come to think of it, this is the first time he's seen Josh this far gone. Paulo supposed he could be a bit positive on this part.

The nurse that attended to them assured that he wasn't in trouble. She offered that Josh could just be knocked out until the morning with some pills. But since he was brought in by his boyfriend, she recommended they would just ride the effects of the drug. It should wear off in the morning anyway, and was told to go back if it didn't subside as expected.

_"It's not a rare drug, but we get these cases usually with people who frequent the bars and seek the night life, you know? You guys should probably alert everyone else. This dose at the wrong person with no supervision can be disastrous.."_

Well, Paulo had just finished relaying the message to Josh's security detail at the party. But he's having a bit of a situation here, too. Josh smelled strongly at the moment and Paulo is not going to lie and deny that being in this car for just a few minutes in was already affecting him. 

So yeah, home it is.

He ruffled the other's hair before straightening in his seat, "Let's go home, okay?"

  
"Oka~y... Love you.."

"Love you, too."

* * *

Living together for a few months already definitely made things much easier. For one, Paulo already knew how to navigate his way to get the appropriate supplies. They had a healthy sex life obviously, and even though they kept off the condoms, they did keep a stash of lube. Josh's normal rut intervals also made Paulo a bit more knowledgeable of what to prepare beforehand.

So, bottles of water and some granola bars in hand next to the cleaning supplies, he walked back to their bedroom where he initially dumped the alpha.

Josh was still in bed, mostly, but he definitely made a mess out of their impeccable sheets. He was in the middle of trying to undress himself, complaining about the unbearable heat. Paulo set everything he brought to the nearby desk, before finally coming to bed. Amused, he tried lending a hand on the older's dilemma of unclasping his vest, only to be met with a slap to the wrist.

"Nooo. 'only Pauuuu. I'm taken, sorr~y." Josh nudged with all weight he could muster to push the younger away and out of bed. The effort was valiant, and honestly comforting, but Paulo took pity of his lover and just chuckled. He leaned in until Josh was almost cross-eyed, took his face between his hands, and then said slowly,

"Josh, it's me. Paulo. Pau?"

The older took several seconds to blink just as slowly as Paulo's syllables, before answering with a soft, curious voice. "My Pau?"

The omega would never admit to his face heating up in that moment, but he nodded to innocent question. Josh wasn't satisfied, though, and still sniffed him heavily until he sighed with a happy smile. "Smell like coffee~ 'don like coffee, but love Pauu. 'Love my mon~ mon, _mamon~_ " The man singsonged.

Paulo just smiled and shook his head. "You're being too adorable again, _pandesal_. It's not good for my heart." 

"'at's okay! Y'can take mine! Then I take yo~urs!"

"Sure, if that's how it works, love.." He began helping the other out of his clothes, this time with no retaliation at all. Josh finally got rid of his boxers, one hand throwing the neck tie if not for the younger stopping it with a gentle hold on his hand. Paulo pinned his hands on either sides and before Josh could complain, he locked their lips together in a slow, open-mouthed kiss. 

Without breaking their kiss, Paulo slotted himself between Josh's parted legs, hands roaming over the toned body of his boyfriend and fondling teasingly on his raging erection. It elicited a very pleasant moan that Paulo swallowed with a deep kiss to the man's lips, leaving Josh gasping in between his sweet sounds. The man's own hands pulled at Paulo's still relatively dressed self, seeming to want everything of him. Everything. When his fingers threaded on cloth, he whined breaking the kiss.

"Off, off…" 

The younger obliged with a soft chuckle, leaning back a bit to give the other a short strip show. Josh swallowed audibly at the sight. Paulo smirked at the reaction as he unbuttoned the last one on his dress shirt, revealing his nakedness for one person alone. He leaned back to his position, catching the dropped jaw with a slender hand to close until they were kissing again, this time slower and taking their sweet, sweet time.

He gasped when strong palms found their way on his own backside, kneading and pushing so their fronts grinded together with the much needed friction. Paulo felt the strong arousal the other had been sporting ever since the trip to the emergency room, but it had never felt searing against his bare skin until now. He whimpered at the precum coating their middle, also feeling himself producing slick on his entrance. 

Josh's fingers eventually found the wet spot that was beginning to form between his legs. He took one swipe of his finger and stared back at Paulo with unadulterated lust in his hues as he sucked on his dipped finger. "Mmm, Pauuu~"

Paulo waited for the other to finish, throat dry and mesmerized at the sinful sight of his lover. "Yes, love?"

".. 'need you, so, so, so muuch~"

  
"Yeah?" Paulo breathed, deciding to urge his lover more by whispering slowly into his ear. "I'm yours for the night, daddy~" 

He flicked his tongue on the shell of his ear, earning a shudder and a groan from the other. The action made a primal instinct in Josh to awaken, the hand on the omega's bottom tightening, and the legs parted on either side suddenly wrapping around Paulo's middle. Josh arched his back and hid on Paulo's shoulder, grinding deliciously that had both of them moaning. When he spoke, he was clear with what he wanted though, "'want you inside, baby love~ please?"

  
And Paulo decided, that was a much, much better idea. 

He smiled, kissed smooth juncture between the older's neck and shoulder, before pulling back completely.

"Pauu.."

Paulo hummed, holding one of the other's knee, "Here. Just here. Need to prep you a bit, don't I?" He reached for the lube on the desk quickly and uncapped it to pour lavish amounts on his hand. For a start, he made sure Josh was on a comfortable position, despite the other whining to hurry up. He sat himself between the alpha's legs, mouth watering at the majestic cock standing in attention to him. He gave it a few pumps, making the man squirm with a gasp.

"Tell me if it hurts, okay?"

"Oh- uhhh, oka~y" 

Paulo kissed the inside of his thigh, watching the older shiver. He pressed his coated finger around the rim, making the other fidget and swivel his hips at the coldness. When he finally entered, Josh made a soft pained sound. That was to be expected; it's not like the alpha bottomed all the time. He was incredibly tight and hot but Paulo held still, distracting his lover. He started planting kisses all 0ver his taut abs and then playing with his rock hard nipples with his tongue.

Josh finally sighed a couple of beats later, slowly relaxing around his finger. That was his cue to move further. He slid along the walls, taking his time find his sweet spots until Josh's sighs turned into full blown moans. "That's it, you're doing so good, daddy.." 

"Pau.. Pau.. uhhh.."

Paulo joined the other finger in and the other tensed again, but this time he was prepared for another distraction. His kisses went down south until the nest of his hair. Josh thrust up indignantly at the teasing, momentarily forgetting about the slight burn in his entrance. 

Paulo smirked up at his lover who was watching all this time, pupils blown wide and expression whipped at the sight. He made sure to hold the gaze as he wrapped his lips around his tip, moaning in time as Josh threw his head back with a gasp. "P-Pau.. Pa~ulo…"

The owner of the name hummed in answer, his mouth fully occupied at the moment. Meanwhile, he started scissoring his fingers inside, making sure he stretched the other properly. In the midst of it, his fingers brushed sa bundle of nerves that had Josh's hips bucking and back arching with a shout. "OH- OHH!"

Paulo brushed at it a couple of times, just until his lover was moaning his obscene sounds unabashedly. His hands that were fisted so tightly on the sheets, soon found their way clawing at the omega's hair and shoulders. "Pau, baby, please-oh!"

He felt the other's member twitch and bulge just a bit more inside his mouth. Paulo tried to smirk around it, knowing he was closer to the edge. He made sure to lap his tongue nicely at the vein on the underside before he pulled off with wet pop, making the alpha howl in frustration. He was absolutely just seconds from bursting, Paulo knew with how tight the other's muscles were. He smiled inwardly. He felt hands tighten on his shoulder, but Paulo made a clicking sound of his tongue. "Nuh-uh, daddy. You're not cumming without my dick inside you, got it?"

The words made the alpha's labored breaths stutter. Paulo curled his finger inside and up to his prostate, reminding the other mischievously to answer.

"Y-yes!"

He withdrew altogether. Before Josh could whine too much, he pulled the man by the hip and kissed him hard until the other was breathless and grasping at his back. "So clingy, daddy~" Paulo teased, but Josh was too far under his lust to muster a good reply. He just swiveled his hips upward, pulling them closer. Paulo decided it was enough, coating his own erection with enough lube and then pushing in with one swift motion.

The alpha's mouth hung open at the intrusion, eyes closed in between pain and pleasure. Paulo helped him ease into it, fingers rubbing at his sides and distracting him with kisses from his wet lips down to the stripe of his neck. 

"M-move.. Move, Pau-"

"Yeah?" He hummed, sucking on a particular spot below his collarbone. Josh was big in all aspects (honestly, _v_ _ery_ endowed), so Paulo knew how that felt. And even though he's not as much as the alpha, he was till a bit larger than most omegas. That in mind, he wanted to make sure the other wouldn't get hurt while they're doing this. 

"Ye-yes, plea- Oh!" Josh barely formed the words before Paulo fully sheathed himself in until he was balls deep. He couldn't help the moan escaping his lips when he felt the other's incredible warmth. It has been awhile he felt this kind of pleasure, after all. With a swift kiss to the alpha's sweaty forehead, he hitched the other's hip off the mattress and into his lap. Then he began to set a steady pace for both of them to rock to.

In this angle, he could see clearly how Josh was splayed so openly in front of him, definitely lost in his own pleasure now. It could be just because of the drug, but Paulo felt proud and warm inside for being the only one to see his alpha like this. It was difficult to find alphas that were willing to let their omegas have the reins from time to time, let alone be happy to show his vulnerable side this way. Josh might not know, but it's one of the things that Paulo cherished about him. 

He didn't know how long they'll work. He hoped to all that listened above that it will be a long, long time until they're old and gray. But that was a thought for another time.

Now though, he focused on making his lover fall apart, making him moan his name and scream in pure bliss. He kept his pace steadily increasing, pistoning inside deeper every time. Josh looked ethereal, chest raised and back curved beautifully, drawing Paulo in helplessly. It made him feel hotter inside, the coil in his gut tightening that his thrusts became less controlled. His own sweat dripped down the cords of his straining muscles, the incredibly tight heat engulfing him making him lose control altogether.

"Pau.. Pau- ah- ha! Ah! Ah- I'm-"

Paulo leaned down, kissing the sweet moans and making sure he hit the other's prostate dead on every frantic thrusts. Josh practically screamed when his hand enclosed around his weeping erection, pumping in time with his thrusts. The hand clawing on his back dug further as their raspy, hurried breaths mingling on their tight space. "Close, daddy?~"

Not a second later, the walls around Paulo's own member clenched so hard like an unspoken answer to his question. Josh pulled away from their kiss, tears in the corner of his eyes and mouth open in a silent, choked scream. He vaguely noted something warm hitting their stomachs, some even straying up to his alpha's chin whose eyes were tightly closed. The sight was enough to tide him over, releasing his seed inside with a buried moan of his alpha's name into the other's shoulder. 

It was a while before he came to himself, slumped on top of Josh who was slowly catching his breaths. He made an effort to pull out, belatedly noticing his cum still escaped and trailed down the other's creamy thighs despite being stuck for awhile. Josh groaned and held him still, though. "Noo.. No, not yet.."

".. Josh.." he was still riding the high of their orgasms, but he was surprised at how much those simple words made his cock twitch happily inside the other.

Josh hummed, a dopey smile on his face that definitely showed how pleasantly fucked he was. He licked the stripe of cum that was on his chin, humming. Paulo felt himself burn at the sight.

The world spun, and he suddenly felt himself with his back on the mattress. He found himself staring up at his boyfriend who sat like he owned the throne on top of him. The older man looked absolutely godly, his sweaty skin highlighted in golden streaks by the measly light of their bedroom lamp. He had a dazed look that could burn Paulo with so much attention and wanton lust. Then there's the sly smirk on his face that made his heart stutter. The sight made Paulo's hands automatically latching onto the older's hip, already anticipating. Josh let the tip of his pink tongue lick his lips playfully, before pushing down and clenching nicely around his awakening cock with an innocent smile. 

"Again, Pau~"

* * *

Josh woke up that morning, on his stomach and feeling all sorts of mild soreness in.. everywhere, really. But it wasn't the kind of burn in his muscles that was unfamiliar. Actually, it felt like he had been on a marathon all night. It reminded him nicely of every time that Paulo fucked the daylights out of him.

He shifted slightly, only then finding Paulo who was pressed to his other side, fast asleep. They were naked under the covers, and he's also so sure that the lingering smell in the air was distinctive of sweat and sex.

Trying to move his muscles, he shifted fully on his side, feeling the distinct wet patch between his legs. He blushed at the feeling, but otherwise tried not to make so much fuss. He couldn't even remember what happened last night, except for that part he drunk that wine from Ken and Paulo arriving at the party like he owned the entire pla-

Wait. Party.

They were supposed to be in the gala last night. Nervous now, he tried to sit up only to be pulled back to bed with a half-assed grip around his waist. ".. 'ive minutes, _pandesal_..."

Josh chuckled at the nickname. It was their own little endearment, one that they rarely used in front of other people. Kind of like their little secret.

Paulo's phone rang from somewhere on the floor, though. Instead of disturbing his boyfriend who was sleeping like an angel, he quietly pulled away from the grip. 

Bringing the phone to his sight, he realized it was Ken.

* * *

So that's how he knew what happened last night. At least, Ken was okay. He worried, of course, but Josh reassured that he was more than fine. He told the younger omega not to come out for a bit until they found the perpetrator, and he easily agreed. 

To keep the mess under the wraps though, he knew he had to come to the office. His staff was more than independent and reliable, but he couldn't just sit here. It wasn't in his nature to be still.

He looked to where Paulo was still peacefully slumbering. The flesh of his fair shoulder peeked out of the covers, and he found himself kissing it chastely. The omega naturally moved, mumbling in his sleep and grinding his teeth which Josh just chuckled quietly to.

"It's okay, love. I'll take it from here."

He went to work after a long shower and a quick breakfast, leaving some for the other. He made a mental note to make up to his boyfriend, who no doubt took care of him all through that mess. It's only a bit sad that he never had any memory of last night though, knowing that it had got to be one hell of a ride.

He gathered his security detail, placated the worry in his staff, and began combing through all the persons who got through the party last night. It was really a good thing that his crew already had a headstart since last night. The event was quickly reported, and was kept quiet so the media wouldn't make a fuss out of it.

Two days later, they found the culprit as one of Ken's dedicated fans. She was officer in his fanclub, that's why she got that close as a volunteer in organizing the event. When Josh personally met her, she frankly looked plain and just a normal face in the crowd. He did catch the slight manic gleam in her eyes when their gazes met, so Josh remembered not to judge so easily.

"Marie. Such a pity that the staff liked you," Although Josh didn't mean to, his pheromones naturally spiked as if to compensate for the lack of outward wrath that he showed in his calm posture.

"S-sir.."

She was an alpha, one that really tried her best not to react instinctively to Josh's aggressive scent. After all, she was the one caught in the middle of the lion's den.

"Let's cut to the chase. I don't really like when people mess with what's mine. You understand, _don't you_?"

* * *

"Ass. You didn't say you already caught the culprit." Was what Paulo greeted him with that evening, after Josh finally wrapped the whole case to a close with a satisfying ribbon on top, too. 

He brought dinner, though. So he wasn't that mad. Probably. "Good evening to you, too. Is that Thai I smell?" Josh smiled his best, disarming smile.

"Yeap. Found a new place on the way. The guys seemed to like it." Paulo sat down in front of his desk, all the while referring to how he stopped by to chat with the staff and give them their share before landing here in his office. It's the least he could do, especially when they're working late hours with their CEO. 

Paulo waited for the older to finish setting aside his messy table. They got into a fight when Paulo tried to sort one of Josh's messy piles, so he's learned to let the other do it instead. And Josh was thankful for it, really. In return, he was now actively trying not to be reckless with his things anymore especially in their shared space at home.

When he's done, Paulo put the bag of food on the table so they could finally eat. After a few digs into his own share, the older finally relented to sharing all the details regarding the whole fiasco. Paulo scrunched his nose in distaste, giving him a sharp look for not telling him right away. 

"She wouldn't have survived you, come on. At least, I gave her a lesson to remember." Josh chuckled. Wouldn't have survived even with the two of them combined. 

"Well, you better did."

"Honestly," Josh contemplated, leaning back on his recliner with a sigh as he chewed on his plastic spoon a little. "The only thing I'm more upset about now, is how I still can't remember what we did that night."

Paulo chuckled, amused, "Aside from you being incredibly clingy and too adorable for my health, you practically had me fucking you 'til dawn, Josh. Though, now that I think about it.. I do wish I could have gotten that on film."

  
The older gave a sideways glance, a complete expression of a pout and a pitiful look on his face. Paulo rolled his eyes to it, "You're insufferable."

"And why should I not be?"

"You're really upset about that now? Out of all things?"

"Yes!"

"Finish your food, Santos!"

"Aw.-"

"-Can't have you bending over that desk with all that food, can I?"

"W-well, no.."


	9. Waiting For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ken and the long waiting game for a part of himself to come home.

At twenty, he had to watch his own life fall into shambles. 

It was hard a journey, traveling to a city that was far from the one he grew in. Right down to their roots, the difference was. But he waded through it, slowly, bit by bit. Compared to his dreams, it was but a small convenience. He made it, though. One year into praying and lowering his head too many times to practice a few hours more, or to understand and ask for a little more patience for himself- he made it.

But never really took off. And his world fell apart at that, but he had a quiet strength in his heart that he knew he'll be okay then. When the group disbanded, he knew he was going to start from scratch again, but he had always the support he needed. Himself, his family, his friends who had his back and always made him a bit braver to try and keep trying.

Then they just stopped. His mother and father just called one day- while he's down in the dumps but actually optimistic about finding a new starting line- telling him that he needed to learn his lesson. Said lesson was that of independence and reliving the consequences that he was sheltered away from for a time. It sounded logical to him now, sure. But back then, it sounded like the most painful betrayal he knew of.

* * *

Josh found him one night, a stray cat drinking his sorrows and picking apart his own broken bones and pieces for the evening so that he could crash into the unlucky friend's couch the next day. He had a loose schedule those times, if not scraping through the day with the little modeling gigs here and there, he was in the company of a lovely drink and a lonely few hours of euphoria before hangover visited.

He never expected to see the older alpha again, much less in those places. But he did. And he struck Ken's pitiful, hastily built up walls until he was forced to see daylight. 

Josh was never really that forceful, but he was sly with good intentions. That much the omega knew. The older gave him a free roof to stay under, and never asked for anything else even if the measly bills that Ken would stubbornly leave on the other's palm wasn't always enough. 

But while Ken was content in the dreary days that his life had become, Josh contrasted him with his great ambitions. He got busy, and busy, and always tried to mind his own business until Ken himself had no other choice but to be curious. He had nothing else to do after all. Josh smiled by then, and Ken knew he was done for.

He told Ken of his new muse; a talent agency of some sorts, just like the ones they once trained in before. This time he wanted it to be better. And Ken wanted to laugh. If their previous management never made it, having those kind of resources already at their disposal, how could Josh even measure up to them? And to think their bar was low enough. 

One look in the alpha's eyes though and he stopped. He was met with the same kind of look he knew from before, when he got roped into he idea of coming to the city for a dream they were all hungry for. Some days he'd think he'd see it in his own reflection, that intense light. But unlike Ken who saw himself as fragments of glass that was beginning to relearn how to reflect light, Josh was a crackling fire. And he could never emulate the shine and the pain that tinged its bright embers.

Interestingly, Josh smelled just like that: the crisp, stubborn pyre on a chilly winter night, and the warm pile of earth underneath its flames. 

Next thing he knew, he was drawn to those flames again. But he didn't burn. Instead, it lit a quiet, drenched candle in his soul, and Ken had no choice but to nurture it- having nothing better else to do. There were days that he stopped caring altogether, days when he just wanted to quit and go back to the dark corner that was welcoming in its coldness and never asked anything of him. But Josh never made him stay there for too long. He threw out the bottles and kept him in the line. He made Ken care about where he was going, by showing how life could become by simply trying and trying until the paths created themselves. 

Ken got his diploma in the end. It was the first time he realized he'd gotten so far out of his dark corner, now that finally stepped out of its confines. When he looked back, there was nobody behind but a warm, calloused hand gently supporting behind.

  
_Don't look back_ , he said.

Ken has only ever kept staring ahead ever since, but this time weaving his own path bit by bit. He knew he had somebody to lean on anyway, when he got tired. To Josh, what he did a year ago was a small thing between friends and past colleagues- but to Ken it meant everything.

To him, Josh became family.

They never spoke the word out loud, knowing each other's pasts with those six letters alone. But they didn't have to, really. They were content to live by it day by day.

If Ken now was the broken pieces of his old self though- reassembled and put together through stripes of gold, glue, duct tape and thread- then he was okay with it. Anyone looking in can say that he was different from before, after all. And they would be right. He held some of his old self, but he also took pains discarding and adding some other pieces for him to be better, sturdier. And Josh would be one of those new pieces fitted in his figure, among other small things he's collected himself along the way.

A bright, warm red, just like the burning passion and persistent kindness he always carried.

* * *

Paulo may not have reappeared into his life in a dramatic way as Josh had, but the older man still very quickly managed to leave a piece on his life. 

He realized, back then when Josh was the one who introduced him to the group, Paulo had made sure that he was squeezed to his best potential. The omega had a quick temper, but never for ones that only wanted to improve. And Ken had been eager then. Too eager that Sejun readily took him under his wing. He patiently taught him the ways of the group, while also encouraged him to contribute his opinions. It was confusing at first, how Paulo managed to become leader of the pack in Josh's presence who he considered to be the best alpha among them. But seeing how he, an omega no less, managed to do and spectacularly so, Ken got inspired, growing more outspoken and confident.

Now though, the omega looked like he was living his life in content. Far away from the limelight, sure, but the man had remained sharp in talents. He managed to even become wiser in their second meeting. Calmer, too. 

So while Josh made him feel like a crackling fire in evenings, Paulo's presence reminded him of the calm mornings and inner peace. And even though the two took forever to realize it, Ken knew they'd fit just perfectly and it was just a matter of time.

And he was right. But more than that, Ken found himself another shiny piece to add to his jagged masterpiece that was his life. It was colored in soft purple, just like the man's deceptive coldness that held an unyielding warmth, and quiet but regal strength.

* * *

Stell. Stell came into his life quite unexpectedly, and Ken wasn't prepared for it. If he was an embodiment of the sun, then Ken was the lazy tabby cat that sought the morning rays to bask under it peacefully. But Stell could be blaring and incredibly energized noon sun. One that Ken had a hard time adjusting to, but welcomed into his doorstep anyway.

Stell was easy smiles, golden humor, messy laugh, and a bright, bubbly personality. Ken both envied and awed that kind of brightness, hoping that his own fragmented glass could reflect a sliver of that light with justice.

It was no surprise that they got along well. Considering he was long friends with Sejun who was usually picky with friends, and Josh who hit off with the guy easily. Stell was just fun to be with, and they had more similar interests than most people could guess.

Stell kissed him first. It happened so quickly, too. Instead of punching the man straight to his perfect jaw, Ken made an embarassing sound in his throat and leaned in. They were just watching a random movie in Stell's flat, which was becoming a normal occurence once they went past the formal business relationship. They decided to go a little adventurous that night, bringing in a bottle of tequila. And okay, the alcohol might have been the cause of 75% of that kiss, but he didn't care that time.

Stell, who smelled of strawberries and strong citrus, tasted nicely with tequila on his tongue. 

  
It was fun. It was dangerous, and thrilling. They didn't have a name, after all. They were free to do what they want, without questioning what they were. They didn't leave room for the dreaded commitment and guilt. They were just there for the fun. And Ken loved that. Made the blood in his veins thrum pleasantly. Because honestly? When Stell said point blank that he wasn't up to anything aside from friendship and mind-blowing sex, Ken wanted that too. And why not? Stell was fun to be with. Not to mention, Stell had his ways that made Ken a mess in the sheets, craving for more like an addict. 

Stell was no alcohol, no, his life was in better shape to ever need that as saving grace- but he was the burn in his throat that he definitely missed from time to time.

  
Josh didn't say anything for a while, but he knew. And Josh never outright warned him, but he always had a way to make him consider his life choices- may it be through his jokes or offhanded comments. He never outright discouraged, though. _"You have pubic hairs aplenty already, Felip, I'm not going to stop you from your life decisions. Just don't be stupid."_

Sejun, coffee-filtered and morning version, only gave him a look. Warned him about hurting and being hurt as they should know it was inevitable. When he said he'd hang them by the testicles, Ken had no doubts Sej- Paulo would do that. Despite the anatomical limitations, the omega would find a way to do it anyway. He was effectively scary like that.

So, with all those in mind, Ken all too happily picked up that bright yellow piece. He gave it space in his puzzle, never minding the fact that this time, it was closer to his chest.

Overtime, the piece made itself known. Ken felt it trudge nearer to his heart, until one day it poked and jarred him. When he looked at Stell though, realizing the other had been making that expression for a long time now, he got scared.

_"Stell, I-"_

_"It's okay.. We don't have to say it."_

He was scared. Because Stell looked frightened, too. And he never really paid attention to it, chalking it up for some other reason. Ken thought the older alpha was just scared to take a step towards that direction in their relationship.

And that was okay, he thought. Ken can wait. He was scared to wait alone and ahead where he could say the words (can't wait to do it!) already without a hint of shame, but he knew Stell would get there. Get here.

He waited. And it wasn't like the wait was boring anyway. Stell might have struggled to say the words out loud, but his actions gradually showed them. Ken was happy with that, because to him they mattered more than a few flimsy stringed words to label and name what they were and what they felt.

He loved that piece, took care of it like how the Prince did with his rose. But unlike the rose who was caged in it's glass confines, Ken let it bloom in his watch, patiently, contentedly.

* * *

Justin, like his older brother, was a pleasant surprise in his life. Another plot twist, to say the least. Being surrounded by a pack (and yes, he's known for a long time that they had become one before the other three realized it) that was older than him by a few years, Jah was a breath of fresh air. 

If Ken found an older brother figure in Josh and Paulo, then Justin came to him like a long lost younger sibling. He was understandably ecstatic.

The alpha looked intimidating in presence with his ambitious but diligent air. He had sophistication that definitely screamed high-class. You'd never think he and Stell were brothers. Actually, it was Stell that didn't look like the heir of a wealthy, prominent family that has now migrated abroad. Jah looked the part in every way, except he surprisingly acted the complete opposite. Just like Stell, but with the almost childlike innocence and enthusiasm with the world. He was basically that sheltered, rich kid but without the attitude. 

Justin had the same mischievous streak as Ken, one thing the omega immediately noticed on that evening welcoming party. It was no wonder they hit it off immediately. Despite their difference in professions, the two quickly bonded outside the group hangouts. Justin was new around the place, living in the States ever since his college. So, of course Stell had to be the big brother and make the guy acquainted. Of course, Ken tagged along. 

It became clear to him though, that there was something else between the two siblings. He felt like he should intervene, since Stell was.. important to him, and that Justin was a good friend. But then again, he felt like he shouldn't. He asked Paulo once about it. The omega just sighed and told Ken that as long as they're not coming to blows or anything drastic like that, it was safer not to meddle.

So he let it be. Sometimes, he had to calm them down- Stell mostly- whenever they started exchanging heated words. He had no reach inside the brothers' home though. 

He worried. But like Paulo said, it was between the siblings alone. And it's not like he had something to offer. The closest thing he's ever had as a sibling was Josh, and then Paulo- and they weren't by blood. He concluded that there must be something different when you had someone who shared the same flesh, blood, and childhood memories you.

Even still, Ken treasured Justin's piece. A verdant green that reflected perfectly of his youth and earnestness. Ken picked it up and found a good place to keep it.

* * *

  
So maybe this was the part that things started to fall apart. Then again, Ken should have seen this as something that was unavoidable. Josh warned him. Paulo warned him. He just didn't expect the danger would come in this form.

Stell began hanging out with them less- citing that he was getting busy with work. Ken wasn't stupid though, and he wasn't numb. Stell became especially colder whenever Justin was aroud. 

Even when Justin wasn't around, Ken would catch Stell with a look that both puzzled and scared him a little. And though they always played around - hell, that was the definition of their relationship that had no labels- sometimes Stell would be rough, rougher than usual and careless. Distant. Ken was no delicate flower, not in a million years. But Stell.. worried him.

He liked Stell, so much, for a long while now. And he was content with that, waiting. Content with whatever the alpha gave, because he was all Ken ever wanted. Josh would call this one a stupid decision, he knew. He wasn't blind to his own self-worth. But can he help it? When his heart beats for only one name?

But he was human, still. He reached his breaking point one night, when he just wanted to rest but his refuge wasn't having it. Admittedly, he didn't have the best words when he let his emotions take control.. But Ken was suddenly impatient. 

Tired. 

Not of loving, no. But of understanding; of trying to find his place between the other's jealousy and affection, of trying to find where he went wrong. He even distanced himself from Jah, but it turned out that Stell threw the guy out anyway. And he felt like it was his fault.

" _You've changed, Stell.. We used to.. We used to be fun.. Didn't you like that_?"

Stell didn't take the question nicely. Oh, they fought alright. It was the first time Stell used his voice on him, that alpha voice that no doubt made his inner omega obey instantly simply because he trusted too much of himself on the other alpha. And that was the thing: he trusted Stell. Gave him the keys to his own self. Because he loved him too much.

It was too late when Stell realized it. Ken was already curled on the floor, head bowed in the reflexive show of submission and shaking. Ken felt his heart stutter to a halt that moment before he realized what happened. He walked out fast before his knees could give in again, from the primal instinct drilled into him to submit, or from the fact that he was running away from Stell. 

He never had the heart to tell Josh, or Paulo. Not even Jah.

He was scared. But really, he was scared for Stell. Because he knew, in that moment, the alpha wasn't the man he knew anymore.

Ken went back to Stell's flat two days after, with the alpha constantly trying to reach him through his phone to apologize. At first, he appreciated that Stell never approached him directly, cautious of what would happen again. But when he stepped into that main door, smelling something awful to his nose, he finally knew why.

And the piece that was placed close to his heart, finally pierced until he was breathless in its pain.

* * *

He didn't even know how he ended up in Josh and Paulo's home. He was just mildly glad he didn't crash his car somewhere, or god forbid, dragged his way back to the comfort of alcohol and his other vices the moment he hurt.

All he knew was that Paulo's hold was searing, both in his fierce anger and urge to hide him from the world. And that Josh's hand on his back was tight, strong enough to tether him to them when he wanted to escape all the pain.

"Wasn't I enough?" When will he be, then?

* * *

  
They think they're so sly, but Ken knew it was deliberate ploy. He didn't have the heart to call the two for it, though. And for once, he wanted to let go. Wanted to forget, wanted not to cry at the mention of his name and from the memory searing into his brain that day. Even for a few hours.

He let himself be conned, thinking that maybe Paulo's two siblings, and his brother's wife could make him happy for awhile. Besides, shouldn't there be no room for sadness when they're shopping for the elder woman's incoming pups?

* * *

  
_"I'll be better. So when I come back to you, I can earn it the way it deserved. You don't have to wait for me, langga. Please find your happiness. I will try my best to be that, but first I need to be whole on my own. If you ever find someone else, well, I'll be fine. Be happy, Ken. I love you."_

Ken supposed he saw this coming. He should know that this would be how they would end. Their kind of harmless fun which evolved backwards with their cowardice, could never last forever. Ken should have been the braver one to say the words earlier, then maybe Stell would have had the courage-

There were many things Ken wished he did. Looking into Stell's eyes, he knew be regretted the same things, too.

  
Stell told him to be happy. Ken wanted to, so bad. But he also knew in his heart that Stell held a big part of his happiness.

But he's right. If they wanted to love each other fully and rightfully, Stell needed to be whole. And Ken knew he could never learn to find his own two feet if he continued being dependent on people to be able to stand on his own. His parents tried to teach him that. Josh tried to show him how to do that. 

The both of them needed to learn things on their own. Grow independently. Heal. And maybe, when the time is right…

Maybe they could try again. " _When.. When will you be back?"_

  
_"Ken.…"_

Ken has waited for a long time. And he's already sure that Stell is still, and will still be the piece in his life that he will always want closest to his heart. He can wait for a little more. 

_I'll wait. I promise_."


	10. Things We Keep to Ourselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're used to stepping into other people's lives, lending a hand. Sometimes the problem itself lands on their doorstep. And really, they'd like to keep it that way. 
> 
> But Stell doesn't like that one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Loss.

There was little that Josh and Paulo kept from the pack. And yes, they had been a pack for.. For a long time now. Nobody knows when it exactly formed. Stell realized one day that his inner alpha was content, eating barbecue with just the five of them on his rooftop.

Watching the couple from the outside, you'd think they held all the secrets in between shared glances and synchronized snark. What they lacked in PDAs, they made up for the antics they both can get into in any unfortunate day. They had a habit of annoying the hell out of each other, which, really isn't what adults in their age shouldn't even be doing- but as an innocent spectator, Stell had lots of fun. 

And Stell has a lot of stories from the two, simply because they were only too happy to share. Last time, Josh apparently came to work in silver hair because some gremlin put dye on the shampoo bottle. Said gremlin defended himself that the older was just obsessing on his white hair, groaning about it for the whole week so he offered the solution. Before that, Paulo told him how he got smacked in the face with Josh's thick house slippers, while asleep. Josh blamed Ken for that.

He didn't have to know that Paulo gnashes his teeth nastily when sleeping, or that Josh can wake an entire neighborhood with his snoring. Or that Paulo forgets to turn off the lights when he's not in the room, or that Josh gets annoyed when his mess gets cleaned by somebody else. Or that someone between the two of them loves pineapples on pizza, hoards food in the bedroom, takes forever in the bathroom, or wears the other's clothes when they're too lazy to do laundry-

Yes, Stell really didn't have to know those things but the two dump them on his lap anyways. Many times he tried to question why those things even annoyed them anymore, but they'd just stare at him like the answer was supposed to be so obvious already.

  
Although, what's obvious to him and anybody watching them, was how the two definitely fit together seamlessly, perfectly. So really, it was only a matter of time before the two officially tied the knot, considering they already lived together and mated just recently. Paulo was the one who told him, one day as the older gave him a ride to his therapist (every session, without fail). It took him only showing the simple gold band on his finger before Stell squealed and squeezed out the details of their proposal.

It was every bit of anticlimactic, which both infuriated and amused him to no end. Apparently Josh slipped out the question one day as they were lazing about in the living room. They were arguing over the ending of a movie they were watching. Stell would place bets that it was one of their trashy romcoms. It was ridiculously domestic, and honestly.. very _them_. 

The wedding was held three months later, which was kept to a quiet affair. Josh had many associates by now, some famous and high-profiled, and he is quite popular himself- but he only brought his trusted staff and his "kids", alongside his biological family. On the other hand, Paulo invited his (extended) family (he missed Tita so much!), and a few of his colleagues at the university. And then there's him, Justin, and Ken. They held it in Batanes, where they both loved to go especially to hike. 

They left for a honeymoon in Europe for a whole week. Came back, and it was like nothing else changed except that the unspoken fact back then, was now official. 

And they were happy. Stell still gets complaints from time to time about some petty argument or how the other half was being particularly annoying that day. But that was their normal. He supposed, part of what made Josh and Paulo work was this: this never ending banter and brutal honesty, that they eventually work on as if they'd been in the marriage for far too long than they actually are.

The point is, Josh and Paulo rarely every kept anything from the pack. At least, from Stell. He knew their beginnings, their silly arguments, their milestones together. He knew them, because the two always tried to make him feel that he was family. And he appreciated that. He promised to himself that he'd never break that trust.

He couldn't tell the exact day when he started noticing things. But he did. He began noticing Paulo's changing smell, where he's began to actually smell stronger. Different. Then he noticed his mood swings. Yes, plural.

  
Not that Paulo never had his moods. It was that.. lately he'd been changing gears a lot. Sometimes, it's scary how he could be happy and calm then tearful the next. Then he'll be frustrated, and then he'll compose himself again like nothing happened. He'd been by the older omega's side for too long now, of course he'd notice the changes.

He also started gaining weight. Which, okay, a bit judgmental of him- but he was lowkey worried for his bestfriend so he kept tabs on whatever changes happened still. Over four months, he counted (and also because he keeps count of the months until he could come home to Ken, who was cities and regions away from him right now), Paulo gained weight. And it wasn't noticeable to anybody else except him at first, but people did start noticing by the third month. Well, he's told that a happy coupling can do that.

Overtime, his moods became worse. And even though Paulo still drove him to his therapist, sometimes it got awkward and tense between them and he didn't even know why.

Josh turned more solemn, quiet in the past week. He caught the guy staring at his mango shake in the rare time that he visited without his husband, and boy his stare could melt the poor drink back into water. He nudged the alpha about it, but Josh just smiled and told him it was just work- and he'd slyly redirect the conversation despite Stell's best efforts.

It was unfair. Kind of. Ever since he broke down some eleven months ago, the couple had been in his life in any way they could support him. Paulo drove him to his therapist, and hell, agreed to whatever whims Stell had for a roadtrip. He's seen him at his worst, after every session and other times. Josh made sure to keep tabs, and sometimes indulged him in delivering news about Ken's whereabouts. (The omega left for a music tour, just after the wedding. Along with it were a few months in unfamiliar places to find his own sense of self without anybody else. Which was more than fine, if Stell had any say about it.)

And right when the warning bells in his head were ringing everytime he saw how different (and frankly miserable) the two were doing, Stell was shut out. Brushed off. Which was.. Different that what he was used to with the two.

His anxiety rose when Justin came to him one day, fidgeting and looking like he's broken a rule or something. "I saw Kuya Pau in the hospital the other week.."

Stell dropped his spatula, turning around to his younger brother in that instant. The last he saw of Paulo, he was thin again. Well, he'd not worry except that he got even thinner than before. Which was already a drastic change that had Stell worrying instantly. He actually called the omega on it and Paulo just shrugged a vague answer, shutting out every question that followed. When he really pressed further, even getting out his big guns (the "I'm your best pal slash brother from another mother card"). Paulo all the more shut off and told Stell to * _fuck off already with his weight_. "What, what happened?"

The younger shrugged, but reassured that he wasn't in any accident. He looked sick though, pale. Not the words that Stell liked to hear at all.

"I tried to ask the staff, but we're kind of strict regarding patient privacy. I did find out that he was seeing an OB-gyne.. "

That had him grabbing the nearest chair in shock, his heart fluttering as his mind raced to that hopeful conclusion. "Is- Is he? Oh, man that's why he smelled different these days? And he's never told me?? Any of us???"

"M-maybe they wanted to keep it a secret first? Please don't tell them I told you. I might be ruining the surprise for everyone." The younger alpha pleaded, worried. He's always been a pleaser, this guy...

Stell grinned, beaming at his brother and clapping his hands together. "Of course not! This means we can have a surprise party, though!"

"Ku- Stell!" 

The older alpha just laughed, and was in a happy mood for the rest of the evening. He even got out the tub of ice cream, dragging the younger with him so they could eat together after dinner. And if he caught Jah's quiet shock, then he was thankful the younger never stated the obvious.

* * *

"Stell, sit down." Josh chuckled one day when the older visited the shop again. They've been talking. Stell still gave his mandatory report on how he was doing nowadays and how he was feeling, but he was also very transparent in his excitement. His friends! His best pal! They're going to be parents! 

Stell knew, of course, of Paulo's condition. He knew genetics was the huge reason for it, and that it made Paulo a bit on the alpha side despite being biologically omega. That meant he struggled with heat cycles, and even being fertile, among other things. He knew it was a source of his insecurity throughout the years, and had been trying to cheer the omega up despite the odds. Josh helped immensely when he came, and Stell will always be grateful for that even if the alpha probably didn't notice. So really, he could not just _not_ be ecstatic of the news. Paulo's going to be a parent, after all!

"Oh, don't mind me. I'm just really, really giddy today. I'm on sugar high! Like a kid! It's been so long, you know!~" He hinted again. It was just for some sort of fun, poking and prodding the older alpha until he cracked. But of course, he was sure the surprise party (that was definitely in the works by him and Justin!) stayed a secret. As it should.

The older shook his head, looking down and smiling. "Paulo's been noticing you've been talking about kids since the other day. What's up with you lately? Ready to start a family, huh~You're really growing up!"

Stell laughed, a bit demurely this time. Lately, he's been on the receiving end of those comments, too. That he's changing. Maturing. For the better, they reassured. And.. And he's kind of proud of that. He hoped one day it'll be enough to win his omega's heart the right way. "I- I guess? I mean.. I do imagine having kids and having a small home someday. Of course, Ken will be there.. Uh- If he'll have me." He stuttered, feeling his own face heat up.

He realized Josh was diverting the topic again. This sly old man. But Stell was better this time!

  
"Last time I checked, pretty sure the guy misses you, too." Josh teased.

  
"I- He does? No, wait!- This isn't about me!" The younger interjected. Josh raised an amused eyebrow, slurping his shake innocently.

"Isn't it?"

  
"Of course not!" Stell huffed, crossing his arms and bracing them on the table to lean over to Josh with a grin.

"This one's about you! You guys are having a family! And you didn't even tell anyone, my god. How are we supposed to celebrate togeth-"

"Stell.." 

The younger stopped. It wasn't just about the other calling him by his name, but it was about how it sounded. In that moment, he found himself staring at his friend with pure sorrow on his face that he's never seen before. His voice was quiet, almost as if he's choking on a sob that was-

  
".. Stell, we're not.. We.. We lost them, Stell." He said it so quietly that it felt like the world stopped, too. 

Stell was out of his seat before the other's first tears fell.

* * *

"What happened?" Justin's soft, inquisitive voice jolted him to his senses. It appeared that he had been sitting on the couch, remote in hand and watching nothing at all.

What happened? Well, not a lot. He smelled like his storage room at the shop, and his entire soul was drained. He had just witnessed Josh, their pack alpha and one of Stell's personal pillar of strength, have a breakdown right beside his shelf of shop supplies. 

  
The moment the older's lips trembled, he dragged them to the staff room, straight to the storage. He knew it was the least he could do, saving the older's dignity. He couldn't help but feel useless though, slumping down next to the alpha, trying to console him with physical comfort and nothing else. Because what we could he even say? There was no amount of words to comfort the kind of grief that Josh held and carried for long. He couldn't even imagine what it took for the man to carry on like that while privately falling apart. And what of Paulo? 

Stell drove them home that afternoon. Josh didn't even try to persuade them otherwise as he sat in the passenger seat, looking too weary and drained that Stell never noticed before. He kicked himself for it, mentally noting that the next time this happens, he'll be sure to be more observant. Josh, hell, he and Paulo both hid very well for this long. A feat, for sure, but a nasty one. It wasn't good for anybody. Least of all, Stell's own heart. 

He suddenly wanted to go back to the times when he's just snickering and groaning at their complaints to each other.

He only took one look at Paulo, the man who had been his source of strength ever since that night in Kyoto, and knew that he wasn't alright. Worse, he didn't even resist when Stell dragged him to a bruising hug. His best friend, his _brother_ was not alright. 

They lost a child. And he's blaming himself for it, while trying to put up a good front everytime he had to go out to the world. 

Nothing was alright.

By some miracle, he was convinced by the two to go home. He really would not like to. A few hours of Paulo in his hold did nothing to soothe his anxieties. Neither did Josh's fake smile when they talked, just after the omega passed out in his lap, convincing nobody that he was faring better than his husband at least. If he had his way, he would drag them both to his own flat where he could look after them. There's Justin, too. He's a doctor. He could check up on them.

But they were stubborn. Stell only managed to make them promise not to be annoyed that he'll visit again tomorrow, and that he nor anyone from the pack won't be shut out by them anymore.

He sighed. He told Jah everything that happened (with permission, of course. They promised to tell Ken themselves, but not now when the last thing that he needed while touring was a news like that.)

"Are you going to cry?" The older asked after, as they're both slumped on the couch, defeated and heavy in heart.

Justin shook his head stubbornly, but his nose scrunched and his lower lip trembled a little. He was always like that, as far as Stell remembered. 

He grabbed the younger by the nape and hugged him tight, earning a squeak from the other. 

"That's okay. Kuya's going to cry for the both of us."

Just like they used to, when they were kids. Stell remembered he promised those words, when he was young and naive and loved his younger brother in ways that he forgot until now.


	11. The Sly One's Always Innocent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There' a reason why he never deigned to disagree when Josh called him out as a sly bastard.

Justin may be the family's forever baby, but he wasn't born yesterday. He was quite observant as a child, and even until now when he's older. He's not oblivious to the ways people thought about him at first glance- intimidating, classy and therefore prickly and with an air of someone who was superior on everyone else.

The few people who got close to him would tell that those impressions were horribly wrong. He was timid, hardworking, generous, and soft-hearted. 

They would both be right, if Justin allowed himself to answer those assumptions. It's not that he had a double-mask. He was just a bit of the person they already thought he was. He was conscious about how his shyness towards other people was mistranslated, and would be sometimes overly compensating to those who tried to reach out to him. He was.. A pleaser, like Stell used to call him.

His brother knew and called him for what he was, at the core of all of it. After all, it was only Stell who had been there right from the start. Indecisive, and more often he was content to go with the flow. Most of all, Justin had the insufferable need to be liked, by everyone, at all times. Because his worth depended on it. His usefulness.

Sometimes, it was difficult. Especially when you had too many people around you. But Justin managed for over twenty seven years; he's fine with it.

As much as Stell liked to point that he's personality was fickle and too pretentious, Justin does have morals. He's just.. well, has a higher tolerance as to how far he could bend over than most.

* * *

Josh almost had a heart attack when he stepped out of Stell's door, probably getting some air. It had been more or less an hour since the older couple had finally cornered Stell after he stirred up that disaster. He's not gonna lie, though. Being an outsider, he's never really seen how the two acted outside their usual sappy, and highly amusing antics together and apart. The two could hide it well with their jokes, snark and bitchy attitude, but Justin knew they had the biggest heart.

What he witnessed earlier was quite a surprise. He.. He didn't really want to be at the receiving end of that anytime soon.

He stumbled on his apology at the older alpha.

"What the fuck are you doing in there? Why aren't you going inside? How long have you been here?!" Josh held a hand to his chest, brushing off his apology and instead discreetly asking how Justin was doing. Outside. Sitting on the front steps like a lost boy.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I thought I was going to break the scene if I went in there, and that wouldn't really be helpful, no?" Jah responded to his own defense.

Josh hauled him up anyway, surprising him of his strong grip and pull. "Well, no. But you could have just texted one of us or something. You look like some lost kid her-"

"Josh? Can.. Can I have a name?"

"What name?"

Justin made sure to hold the older's eye contact. "I need Jake's name."

And though Josh sighed and rubbed his head, Justin's already caught the sight of that scary glint in those hues. Yeah.. He definitely didn't want to be at the receiving end of that.

"Sure you're not going inside?"

"No.. Stell won't like it, probably."

"Yeah.. But don't let it get to you, alright? If you need someone to talk to.. Don't keep it to yourself." Josh looked at him with those innocent eyes, like he was staring straight to his soul.

Justin smiled, "You're awfully kind. How do you know Stell's not right about me after all? Maybe I'm just playing along so you can all like me."

Josh scoffed, "Sure you do. Whatever helps you sleep at night, kid."

* * *

The door opened, and there stood a petite, if lanky and really sweet-looking man. He smelled strongly of cigarettes and liquor that he honestly didn't know if that was his distinctive smell or not. The man really didn't seem to be all that harmless, if not for the smell latching unto his clothes and whatnot.

"Well, what are you looking at?" 

And then he gets it. The man only looked good on the eyes, but he definitely had a spunk that on any other good day, Justin would appreciate. He already knew few omegas in his life who weren't afraid to bite and bark. This guy was definitely was one of them, except Justin really didn't like him. At all.

Ken beside him smiled, leaning on the doorframe. "Hey, man." Now, Justin knew the older omega definitely hid a mischievous and scary streak. There was no other viable explanation for Ken who knew where he was that going, and how he was somehow convinced that he should come along.

Jake was a slippery bastard, hiding behind his sheepskin with surprising good punches and dirty tricks. It's how he's evaded people in his life, he supposed. But the moment he opened his door, he had already lost. The police were already on their way. 

Nobody had to know how he paid the right people just to pin the older omega down and made sure his whole life was ruined. He needed to pay, after all. First for every petty crime he did, sure. For breaking his older brother, most of all.

Nobody had to know. But Ken never batted an eyelash to it when he was practically there. He even laughed afterwards, like they were hanging out and nothing was out of place.

Paulo just looked like he was done with everything. Josh gave them a secret thumbs up behind his back.

* * *

Admittedly, when he took on the path to become a doctor, it wasn't because of some noble cause nor reason. Their mother was a relaxed, successful businesswoman. Their father was a surgeon, and a good one at that. He was adamant that one of his sons take up the mantle, so to say. 

Stell already went ahead to choose his own path, one that Justin envied because of his courage. Never mind the fact that he didn't become a successful an artist anyway. Justin wished he could have that clear mind and goal, one that wasn't influenced by anything.

He could not say so for his own decisions in life, as he's always been somehow influenced to do them. And that he lets it happen, being indecisive as he is. So he told his father he'd be a doctor. And yes, it made him happy that his father was ecstatic. That was what he aimed for, really.

He liked the arts, though. But. He knew in his heart he wouldn't go far there. (But really, he was scared until the opportunity had long walked past by him already.)

Anyway, that's how he ended up here, twenty-nine years old and taking up his residency in a hospital back in the Philippines. This was one of the few decisions he had the courage to say to his parents, and frankly he was scared that he'd be judged. But he wanted this like he had wanted nothing else before. He missed his brother.

He missed being home.

And home.. Home hasn't felt like it ever since Stell and him grew apart, for reasons that had piled up so high he didn't know where to start anymore.

Stell.. Didn't exactly welcome him with open arms. After a few months, his presence eventually lead to Stell and Ken breaking up. Justin knew he couldn't blame himself fully for it, but that didn't mean he stopped. Nobody has to know, right?

When Stell asked him to move back together, he took the chance right away. How can he give up on them now, when this time the older was actively trying to fix them? He couldn't give that up. And Justin, for all his indecisiveness, knew in his heart that he wanted this.

And maybe, if he wanted it so much, it would come true.

Stell started with cooking for them again, telling him to come home for dinner so they'd eat together. Jah could forget every other meal, but he'd always come home excitedly just to watch his older brother cook and so they'd eat together. Stell didn't say anything much. They started not talking either, but overtime they did cave in. He cherished the small, short talks even when they were sometimes clipped and often mundane or awkward. He just patiently waited, until they eventually grew to casual talks that his older brother began happily indulging into.

The break did Stell good. Even though it would probably take a long time before Stell would open up fully to him again, Justin would take whatever he could. After all, he was beginning to see the remnants of the brother that he used to know after all. One that readily supported him in whatever he did, and one who always urged him to think for himself. One who always encouraged his love for the arts, and inspired him to take steps out of his comfort zone.

One who always had his back, no matter what and when.

They started talking, about work and about how their day had been. It didn't matter if they finished eating; they stayed at the table until one of them would finally relent to rest or do whatever that's left of their tasks. Justin would always do the dishes after it, no matter what the hour. 

He told Stell about seeing the older omega, Paulo, in the hospital. He didn't mean to, really. But Stell was worried and Jah didn't like that look on his brother mulling on his stew. Besides, he thought it could make him happy. Happier. He knew how important the pack was for him, especially his best friend, so naturally there was no reason not to tell him.

And if he was happy to be the one to deliver the good news for Stell's pack, then.. Then nobody has to know. Because for once, he felt like he was included in something he actually wanted (craved), even if it was for just a surprise party plan.

Two days later, he came home to an empty kitchen and a quiet living room. The older alpha was sat on their couch, remote in hand but not even turning the TV on. When Stell finally told him what happened, his knees weakened.

He sat down and tried to process what was just said. Stell thanked him that night for telling him, for who knows how long the couple would hide it? But Justin felt responsible. Felt that he was breaching some unwritten code, or breaking the couple's privacy.

Josh and Paulo had been nothing but accepting of him, despite not really belonging to their pack or anything. And what did he do? Took away their right to grieve in silence, and even had to mock them with the fake news- even if unintentionally.

He felt the need to fix it. He's not sure if it's his conscience or his "pleaser" persona, or that inner, small voice in his head that just wanted to fit in, return the kind gesture that the couple bestowed him for once- but he wanted to do something. Anything.

* * *

"Jah? Jesus, what time is it?" Josh yawned over the phone, the rustling of the sheets making an unpleasant sound on the line. "What's up?"

"Uh.. 3:48?" 

"That wasn't a ques- you know what, spill it. What is it?" 

"…."

"Jah, I swear to God if you're somehow dying over there-"

"Josh, can I have Kuya Pau's prescription?"

" _ **What**_."

Justin hastily thought of the reason he was to say when Josh inevitably asked, but the sound of the older alpha's voice over the simple call definitely gave him flashes of his own life right in front of his own eyes. He suddenly didn't want to finish his sentences at all.

"-re you doing up?" A voice farther from the receiver registered. There was no other person who could own it. Justin just wished Kuya Paulo didn't notice at all. 

".. Go back to sleep.."

"Mm.. 'that Jah?" 

Now that the two were awake, Justin began seriously questioning his life choices. 

".. at did he want? Is he in trouble?"

Oh, yes. Definitely.

The phone then went silent. He would expect Josh to end the call, but it didn't. And thinking back on it, he'll be more fucked if he dropped the call on them first now that he's woke them up.

Then, as of his heart wasn't already rabbiting in his chest, he heard the sigh. "Get some sleep, _bujah_." It wasn't Josh. 

Justin tried. He really did. In the morning he got a random chat on his message log though, and it was a picture of a prescription.

[Don't know what you're up to. But if you get in trouble, Stell is going to tear us both a new one.]

* * *

He didn't mean to drag someone else into it, but apparently he'd been spacing out on his phone during a rare break in his shift. Naturally one of his colleagues got curious, and subsequently read the piece of paper where Justin wrote in neat writing the words on the older omega's prescription. 

"You doing an online consultation, doc?"

And honestly, he didn't expect that it would be this way that the beta he had been pining for a while now (well, no. More than a decade is _long.)_ would find him. He ducked his head quickly, brushing his appearance to be more presentable to his 'friend'.

(Never mind that she's one of the reasons why he chose this hospital at all.)

"N-no. Well... I- uhhh"

She laughed, patting him on the shoulder, and Justin felt that through his coat. "Relax. Looks like something I can help on, though. Mind the help?"

"No! I mean, yes-Yes I definitely don't mind the help. This isn't really my field and all that-"

"I can see that.. And loosen up, Dr. Ajero!" She teased with that gummy smile. And Justin just fell for it. Helplessly.

* * *

"And what a surprise," Josh opened the door to their humble abode, already in his sweats and loose-threaded shirt. He also wore that expression that was between wholly unimpressed and amused.

He was welcomed into the warm home that smelled of homemade _sinigang_ , and he sat awkwardly on their couch until the couple finally sat together opposite of him. Paulo appeared from the kitchen, amused and surprised to see him. He looked.. Well.. A bit less than worse than he expected. But he's learned not to be deceived easily, especially when the two were involved.

Justin gathered his words before he balked again, "You're trying again, right?" 

Which, okay, definitely got the two speechless. They shared a look before simultaneously, then turned their stares back at him. Justin tried not take it to heart, seeing the mirroring vulnerable looks on their faces. 

"Well, that's..-"

"Please, consider it! I have a friend, she's in the hospital too, but I trust her better than that assh-"

The two raised eyebrows in a scary synchronized way. Justin hastily corrected his words, "I mean your doctor. Look," 

He exhaled loudly, trying to wet his drying throat. There's an inexplicable lump in his vocal chords. After all, he's asking the couple as if he had any right to influence their personal decision. 

"Whatever your doctor said, consider a second opinion..?"

"How did you know what he said?" 

Well, Justin didn't exactly know what those words were. But when the doctor found out they were snooping around, and actually questioning him doing his job- he wasn't pleased. At all. He did hear the words from the elder alpha doctor's mouth,

_"And what about it? They're a hopeless case. If the treatment failed, then I'm all the more right. It's a loss they'll just have to take."_

And he didn't want to repeat those words to Paulo, not when he's angry himself that people as callous and coldblooded like that existed in their own professions. Not when she was angry herself, telling Justin not to listen. 

The doctor could just be going senile, for all he cared. If it was true, then he could have just told it straight from the start- and not give them prescriptions that never worked in the first place except messing up the older omega's condition more.

" _The old man is quite notorious among us, like that. Nobody really liked his ways, but he's good friends with the upper management that's why he's still here- hanging onto his last years to work for the hell of it."_ She grumbled beside him then, but resolutely added,

" _Let them come to me for a second opinion. I'll.. I'll help."_

As someone who struggled with her own genetics, too, she understood. Justin knew he wasn't supposed to hear that private part of her, not yet. But.. But instead of being discouraged, the alpha found himself falling further for her show of compassion and grit.

But more than his currently non-existent love life, Justin knew if anybody deserved that chance to have a family, a pack, it was Josh and Paulo. He's seen them for only awhile and only met Josh some months ago. He had no doubts that Paulo had a heart that he knew he could trust, enough to let Stell be in his care. He only knew Josh for a short time but it's easy to see that he had a similar, mold of heart too. There was no other explanation as to how easily they took Jah himself into their lives, after all.

The point is, he fervently believed that they deserved a better shot at the family that they wanted.

"It's not important. But please.. Consider?" The younger pleaded. 

Paulo just sighed and rubbed his head, "Well.. We're not.. quitting yet. If that's what got you so worked up."

Josh slumped backwards in his seat, though Justin vaguely noted his hand winding around his mate's middle to pull him closer towards him. The two may not be cheesy to each other in words, not always and not always publicly, but it's those things they do that make him fluster and look away. Like he's intruding something delicate to the eyes.

"Now that that's done and over with, are you staying over for dinner? Paulo cooked this time. He made it extra sour." Josh livened the atmosphere again, poking fun of his own husband's cooking like they haven't been talking about a serious matter beforehand.

Justin stammered an answer, shaking his head no, "It's okay! Stell told me not to miss dinner.."

"Ooh, I see. Well, we don't want to get in the way of your bonding time~"

* * *

Naturally, he didn't have other stories to tell about his day. And Justin didn't have the heart to lie to his brother as they sat together in front of their dinner. So, he told the older about what happened, minus the stressful part, and tried to be hopeful in his tone.

"I left them the contact of my friend. She's an OB-gyne and I trust her judgment. They seemed.. Well, receptive to the suggestion.." Justin remarked. "Do you think they'll try?"

"If they said so, then there's little that could change their mind. I know they're both stubborn, but not impulsive in their words." Stell picked on the last strands of his share of pasta. When he looked up though, it was with a mischievous glint in his hues. Justin has never seen that, much less directed to him, in a long, long time. 

"Does this friend of yours also happens to be a sweet, lovely beta lady who happens to be our neighbor when we were kids and whose name is Sh-"

"Ah! I- It's not like that!" 

"Sure, it is~! I knew you weren't just here to miss me, you sly lover boy." Stell smirked, then laughed at the younger's reddening face. Justin hid himself behind his hands, groaning but not contradicting.

"I mean… You're not wrong? But, but I really missed you, Ku- Stell.. Is it really that hard to believe?

Stell sighed, leaning back on his chair, pondering. "No, not really. I.." The older alpha stared at the ceiling before mumbling with a soft smile, "I missed you, too, _bunsoy_ …"

Justin had no words for that. The silence began to fill the air between them again, and he hated that this time he was the one that caused it.

"Thank you..."

"I-umm, it's my friend that's going to help out.."

"No, Jah. Thank you. You.. You did well." Stell tilted his gaze to stare at the other with sincerity in his expression.

He's not used to that, not after a long time. But the words still carved a hot spot in his chest that his eyes started burning. 

It's just two words. Nobody had to know how much mere two words made him feel overwhelmed, is all.

A warm hand carded on his hair before landing on his cheek. "Are you crying, Jah?"

He shook his head, stubbornly blinking away the wetness in his eyes. He failed to wipe fully at his face, though. "Y-you promised you'd cry for both of us when I can't.." He sniffled. Like he's the sniveling child hiding behind the trousers of his big brother again.

"It's okay," He felt himself being wrapped in strong but warm embrace, his own vision blocked by the broad shoulders he used to look up and hide to. "Kuya's going to make sure you can cry all you want, because I'm here to wipe them all. This time, I'm not going away. Okay?"

And he remembered that day again, when Stell declared the promise with all the confidence of an eight year old could muster. He remembered how much it meant the entire world to him back then, finding comfort and safe place in none other than his older sibling especially from things that confused him- his own emotions, for a start.

"I'll make up for the lost time, _bunsoy_. Promise."

He remembered, and couldn't help but nod anyway, whimpering into the other's clothes and shamelessly holding onto them. "Okay.. Okay, _Kuya_.."

* * *

"Jah?"

".. Yes?"

"Do you think.. If.. If I show up to Ken's homecoming, he'll like it..?"

"Silly. Why don't you give it a try?" Jah smiled, but didn't say anything else. Nobody had to know that Ken called yesterday. The omega was excited to come home after a long time away, and he asked if Stell was going to be there at the small gathering at all. Stell didn't have to know how much the younger definitely missed him, and Justin was just short of awed at how the two are still madly in love but managed to stay apart without any communication for what? More than a year now? 

In that time alone, Stell finished his therapy and is quite in a better place now. For one, Justin felt that his older brother was back now. Second, the alpha also developed a much mature, and deeper appreciation for things. He's still the same sunshine that was everyone's happy pill, but without the destructive tendencies. Hopefully the change was permanent.

He didn't have to know. Justin supposed it was better to keep the good surprise.


	12. The Seeds We Grow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They try again.

Most days, Paulo looked to the simple band of gold on his finger and he'd feel better. As much as a hopeless romantic as he was, he still never imagined to have his life turn this way. The love of his life might have been a figure of his past, and came quite a bit late into the present, but it didn't matter much. He waited, and not really searched, but in the end got the biggest reward.

Josh. His past. His present. And looking to their wedding ring, his future, too. The ring reminded him of his life and how it was good, better even, when Josh came.

There were days that it reminded of.. sad things. When he told Josh that they were trying, and when he promised to give him family- he meant it. He promised. Because even though Josh never pushed nor initiated that talk, he knew the alpha wanted one. He could see it in the way his eyes would linger on kids, on newborn pups, just like his older brother's baby girl who was born just after they themselves got wedded.

And for a while, for four months, he was successful. Until he wasn't. He couldn't even say he got to feel their olive's heartbeat. He couldn't even say that he managed to form them in his womb until they were more than a small bump. 

And they were gone. Just after a few weeks of them knowing they were even there. There were no words to even begin to describe how that felt. Not feeling anything and feeling everything at all.

The ring reminded him that he failed, not because of the vows he said at the altar that day. But he failed, again, in his promise to the one person he didn't want to fail. 

He's not going to pretend he wasn't difficult at all when it happened. He was well aware that his moods from his meds only got worse after the loss. He was more aware that it put a strain on his husband, who was also in between mourning and trying to understand Paulo. Trying to adjust. Trying to keep him from falling apart.

And that's the thing. He was aware. But he never really quite tried to stop himself from spilling and breaking into pieces until not only himself bled. He dragged Josh with it when the alpha had done nothing but try to hold him together. He'd been selfish.

Perhaps, too selfish, because wanted something so much that wasn't meant for them at all. And it took their little olive to slip out of their grasp for him to realize that.

The day Stell visited, he was just about done with everything. Especially when the night before, he finally pushed the alpha to the cliff. He wasn't proud of that moment, when they were shouting and throwing words they didn't really mean to. At that time though, he didn't care anymore and Josh finally snapped back too. Surprisingly it took them.. almost a week to explode like a time-bomb.

In the end, they had to settle at the fact that Paulo called Josh a dumb idiot to mistake what he felt as misplaced charity for love. That the omega teachings from his orphanage did him dirty, turning him into a weak, gullible alpha. That nobody would want that, and in reality, he's only choosing Paulo because they're both broken things that had no choice. That Josh was just living in his own ideal world, denying to himself these very truths.

_"And now look at you, still wanting to prove to yourself that you chose right. That you're living the best of lives. Because that's what you want them to think, don't you? That's what you want to prove everyone that you made it. Perfect life, except your stubborn pride doesn't want you to be caught wrong when you decided it was okay to have me in yours. Doesn't want to admit that you bit more than what you can chew after all. You're an idiot. A pretentious, idiot of an alpha. But that's okay, right? You lo~ve faking everything until you made it!"_

  
And Josh, in return, called him a selfish, insensitive bastard. And that it was tiring to love him. That he was too absorbed in his own pains and the unfairness of the world to him that he never stopped to think of other people for once.

_" Have you been waiting all this time to finally say those words at me? I can be dumb. I can have the biggest ass pride in this whole universe, but at least I'm not a selfish bastard. At least I know when I'm tired of you, you insensitive bastard. Tired of fucking trying to understand you beating your own sorry ass like you're the only who lost their kid, and tired of fucking loving you and your shit."_

  
Stell didn't know. That when he stepped into their home that day, they kept the shambles and rubble under the mats and under blank, tired faces. That Paulo himself didn't know how to apologize without tasting lead on his tongue. That neither he nor Josh were speaking at each other since the fight broke out.

The younger alpha's presence did break the thick tension, though. He's not sure who made the first step first but in the morning after, they realized they slept together despite not a limb touching each other. Paulo mumbled something along the lines of a morning greeting, and Josh responded in his own quiet, hoarse voice. 

They went on in that unspoken arrangement. Stell probably hadn't noticed only because they still spoke and did things together like nothing was amiss. It's just the less on talks, really. Anyone can chalk it up to them being tired. Besides, at night they still go to the same bed anyway.

One of those nights, he's woken up from slumber. He didn't even realize he had his head on his alpha's chest as he did so. He only heard the guttural growl from the other, vibrating in his chest and mixing the cool air in the room with his strong, territorial scent. "What are you doing up?"

".. Go back to sleep.."

That was the usual length of their sentences ever since that fight. He didn't miss the sharp spike of the alpha's scent with it, though. Paulo's senses inevitably woke up to that.

  
"Mm, 'that Jah?" He squinted on the blaring phone screen that Josh held against his ear. The alpha blinked, taking a few seconds to notice that his own scent was screaming danger and that Paulo was giving his best shot at sending his own pheromones to calm him down. Josh inhaled a couple of times to breathe in the distinctive, faint coffeelike scent, rubbing his thumb along his mate's rib to placate him.

"What did he want? Is he in trouble?"

".. No.. He.." He saw the other muting the call. "He asked for your prescriptions.."

Paulo flinched, and tried not to be obvious when he put his own palm on his stomach. 

"Pau.."

"Stop walking on eggshells around me."

The alpha sighed, already scrunching his eyes and preparing for another verbal fight. Or maybe not. Maybe he was just as tired as he looked right now. "I'm not.. I just don't want you riled up on things again. It's… 3 AM, and I'm not up for any of that."

At least he's being honest.

Paulo released a breath that he didn't know he was holding. "I'll do it in the morning. Tell-"

He stopped. Remembered offhandedly that Josh wasn't in the mood already as it is, and his demanding tone wasn't going to make things better. He quietly held out a hand, pointing at the phone. Josh relented, a bit confused.

"Get some sleep, _bujah_." He relayed to the younger alpha over his husband's phone. He gave the phone back once that deal was done. 

And even though they never spoke any more words, it was enough that Paulo felt Josh's arms pull him back to the safety of his hold. Catching him, it seemed, just as his own hands trembled to seek out the other.

Not for the first time in his life, he wondered why someone like Josh still wanted a broken thing like him. Why he still cared, even after all the words he said and after all the disappointments and grief he caused. The alpha didn't deserve this. Then again, Paulo wouldn't know what he'd do if Josh woke up one day realizing all those things.

* * *

In the morning, he sent the picture all on his own. Then he went to work, distracting himself from the pit in his gut and the heaviness in his heart. 

Yes, he knew he was a mess. He wanted to ask for time to stop or rewind, even. He wanted to stop himself from messing things up. Undo what his own body had failed to do, and unspeak every jagged word he spat to his own husband.

He just wanted to make things right again. But he's too old to believe in fantasies like time travels and all that. He knew he'll just have to toughen it up, hoping it'll be enough along with the incessant apology in his head,

_Olive, love. I'm sorry, your Papa's a mess._

* * *

"Well.. We're not.. quitting yet. If that's what got you so worked up." He said that as if he's so sure. It's ironic. He's the one who accused his husband of being the pretentious, prideful idiot, but now he's saying the words on his own like he's trying to convince that they were still okay to try. That there was still "them" left at all.

If he wanted that to hold a chance at coming true though, he knew they had to talk. Josh knew it, as he was also every bit of confused and thrown off by Paulo's words. But then, the alpha kept his mouth shut and only held him by the waist.

"Now that that's done and over with, are you staying over for dinner? Paulo cooked this time. He made it extra sour." 

Josh is good like that. Redirecting conversations. But most of all, he was good with covering shit up and understanding without being prompted to. Between the two of them, Josh always had the better patience. The kinder, empathic heart. One that Paulo took for granted for a long, long time. Did he even deserve it? He promised with the ring on his finger that he'll do his best to earn it, but it looked like it's just another of his broken promises now.

He's good at it. Failing people and giving promises he'll break. Paulo could only wish he'd stop doing it.

_Olive, your Dad loves you so much. You should have seen him. You should have felt him, if not for me._

* * *

When they were getting ready to sleep that night on their own sides of the bed, Paulo finally got to swallow the lead on his tongue and called the other's attention.

"You're angry at what I said earlier,"

The older sighed, puffing his pillows so he could lean on their headboard. He thought otherwise at the last second, so now they were sitting crosslegged in front of each other. It was the most confrontational gesture they've had ever since that night.

"I am. Not because I don't want us to try again, but because I don't think it's the best thing to do when I know this could be us everytime. Look at us, Paulo."

He's right, though. Who knows what it'll take for them to successfully carry, and who knows who's going to break first to the point of beyond fixing before they get there. (How many would of theirs will they bury, barely formed or not.)

Paulo didn't want to know any of those answers. Didn't want to know how hopeless he was.

_To our olive, I hope you can forgive Papa's mess._

"I know.." He gathered his strength to say the words, the heel of his hands digging into the bone of his folded knees. "I know that now. It's my fault-"

  
"Paulo, how many times do I have to-"

  
"No, no. Not that way. You're right, though... When I couldn't take it out on myself, I took it out on you. On everyone else. And that made me difficult. I'll never feel not guilty for losing our pup, Josh.." Said man's eyes flickered in unexplainable grief, and Paulo wanted nothing but to wipe them out-- but the alpha carried on to listen.

"-that didn't mean I had to push you away, too. But I did. I forgot you. I forgot that I'm not the only one who lost. And I'm not the only one here."

  
He stared at Josh, and it's hard to ignore the dark circles under those eyes, the haunted and hollowed hues, the lines on his face that wasn't there before and the tenseness of his shoulders like he's expecting the worse everytime. How many days, weeks, did he make his own husband feel that their marriage was a battlefield? While Paulo felt every bit of miserable as he had every right to, he left his husband in the wake to pick up his and his own pieces. When he didn't like that, he twisted every word and made them as sharp as daggers just for the other to stop and go away, so he can wallow in misery on his own.

The point was, he forgot. That when they agreed to try, knowing the odds, they made the decision together. And when they lost, they lost their child together.

"I'm sorry, Josh." 

The alpha only had to open his arms, and Paulo was already scrambling to it. He climbed shamelessly into his lap, tucking himself in the other's arms and hiding in the crook of his neck. He felt strong, big arms wrap around him tightly, then the gradual shake of those same shoulders. 

He felt Josh guide them this time to sink into the bed, with both of them clinging tightly as they let their tears fall again. Paulo let the soft press of a salty kiss stay on his forehead, where Josh whispered shakily,

"I won't give up on you. I won't give up on us. I mean it. Just.. Don't go where I can't follow you, Pau. I can't.. I can't lose you, too."

_Olive, I'm sorry I- we lost you. We love you, so, so much._

* * *

"For the record, I didn't mean what I said."

The man underneath him groaned when he pressed just at the right muscle. Josh buried his sound into the pillow, in the middle of enjoying that back massage Paulo offered to make up for their shitty couple of months. "Wha...? What are you talking abou- ooh, right there rightthere please- ha-ah- harder.."

Paulo smirked, doing as he's told and loving it when it elicited a long moan from his mate. He slid his other hand along the dip of his spine, before pushing with his palm upwards. "You're not an idiot. You're far from gullible…" He emphasized by working out the knot he found along the way with the heel of his palm.

".. You're not pretentious.. Between the two of us, you're the one who's always been honest and transparent about everything. And stronger, in ways I can only hope to be.. And I'm proud of you for that. I love you for that."

Josh didn't answer for a long time, prompting the omega to snort quietly. He must have fallen asleep again-

"- I do have a bit of pride, no?"

Surprised, Paulo chuckled but continued on working along the tensed muscles that made a soft noise under his touches. "Well, you do have an air. It's not always a bad thing, not to me anyway."

The alpha only hummed in response. He didn't warn Paulo though, when he tried turning around, throwing the omega off of his back while holding onto the other's thighs braced on his waist. It could have been a playful, daring move if not for the fact that Paulo was a full grown adult, heavyweight and taller than his husband.

The mattress was soft. A haven they indulged in, really. Still, Paulo landed on his back with a soft plop, and his head definitely made an ugly sound against the headboard.

"Was that pay back??" The omega held his head on his hands, hissing in pain as Josh tried not to panic while holding the younger. 

"No, I was trying to do something!"

  
"What, splitting my head open?!" 

  
"I said I was sorry! Does it hurt he-"

"Ow, owowow-!"

* * *

Stell laughed his ass out, while Justin tried really hard not to giggle when he checked on the bump on the older omega's head.

"You'll live."

  
"Thanks, doc. Um, you're both here...? We literally just ate lunch together earlier..?" Paulo asked, weary at the twin smiles on the two brothers. Josh adjusted the ice pack on his husband's head, fidgeting slightly.

"Of course, not! I was just.. you know, thinking of surprising Ken when he comes back…" Stell said, suddenly bashful. Paulo supposed it was a good thing that this time they weren't caught in the middle of something. Aside from failing at a steamy makeout session, of course. This one was worth it to witness, anyway.

"I think I like where you're going with that," Josh grinned. It was obvious that he missed the younger omega sorely, and that he can't wait until Ken was close to them again. Naturally, he was excited to welcome him back. Paulo himself worried the whole time he wasn't in sight, especially when Ken had a tendency to get himself into trouble and not telling anyone about it unless threatened- with a dagger to his throat, probably. 

With Stell's shy but hopeful smile, they knew it was going to be something memorable. And they're going to help make that happen.

* * *

Stell planned meticulously, right down to the dishes. It was actually nice to see him better than before, and they were both proud of how far the younger had improved in terms of his moods and disposition in life.

Anyway, they had just sent the two siblings home after all that planning. It was again another quiet evening to themselves, but this time it was filled by something they really missed in a long time. Peace. At the moment, Josh insisted being the bigger spoon, rubbing the small bump on Paulo's head as they cuddled.

"If we're setting things straight, then.. Then, I'll say this, too."

"Mm?"

"You're one of the most selfless, caring people I've met, Paulo. I know you only said those words to keep me out and discourage me, one that we definitely have to work on. But still.. I can be tired of your shit, and you can be tired of mine, but I will never get tired of loving you. Okay?"

Paulo pretended to snore ridiculously loudly, prompting the alpha to smirk and tickle the other in his hold until he's giggling. "Stop it! I was sleeping!"

Josh stopped tickling his sides then, grinning at the other's antics. "Well, if you didn't catch it.."

Paulo felt a strong arm winding around his middle, being pulled closer until the heat between their bodies twined and calmed them down. Josh leaned in, kissing him on the lips gently. Paulo let the other in easily, letting the alpha roll them over slowly this time until he's on top of him. 

Like instinct, Paulo wrapped his arms around his husband's nape, scratching softly at the short hairs. Josh closed his eyes at the sensation, not breaking the kiss until they had to part for air. 

They almost forgot how it was easy, for them to slide between each other like a perfectly fitted puzzle. Without any prompting, Paulo's legs parted to welcome his mate and Josh slotted his arms on his hip. Their lips instantly found each other, tasting and exploring their caverns like a learned instinct.

When they met gazes, the pain and the loss were clear in their eyes. ".. Josh.." Paulo heard himself whisper almost inaudibly, shaken.

He wanted to apologize. For so many things, but mostly for breaking his heart again with jagged pieces of his promises. For not being enough, for being difficult and a faulty. But he couldn't say the words even if he wanted to, because those eyes burned every shadow in the reflection of himself in those hues. He wanted that. He wanted Josh to burn him until he felt nothing but his scorching embrace. He wanted Josh to look at him like he's someone worth of love, like how he is seeing him right now. He wanted it so much, but was so afraid to ask.

Paulo let himself get lost to it, tears brimming in his eyes unbiddingly. And although Josh didn't hear the words, only his name whispered in a brittle voice, he already understood. He felt his hand fit snugly on the curve of his cheek, rubbing the stubborn tears away with his thumb. "I'm here, Pau. I'll never want anyone but you."

And so in the end, he could only say the words that were lodged in his throat for a very long time. "Josh.. I love you. I love you,"

They were just simple words but it was everything he felt for his husband, his mate, his every good thing in his life. Josh's response was to kiss him instead. On his forehead, on his lips, his chest, and finally on the spot just above his navel, where Paulo finally broke. "I love you, Paulo. I love you, always."

* * *

Ken's homecoming party was a success. Though it was filled with nervousness and anticipation- the night ended quite happily with Ken taking Stell's hand. Paulo didn't have to decipher the unspoken conversations they had between their longing stares and glances. They all saw it. They all knew of it, even before their story culminated to this day.

He smiled then, thinking that even if they faced a lot, there were still things to be thankful for. He was thankful that his bestfriend was healing like he deserved, and got Ken to take him in his life again. His bond with his younger brother was also improving quite quickly, and Josh's company continued to soar to greater heights. On the other hand, Ken returned from his own journey, much refreshed and carrying his own peace that wasn't there before. His own career was also doing quite well, and Josh was actually the one that pushed him to love performing in the spotlight again (even if it's just in front of his alpha at the moment). 

His family was safe and healthy, and Josh's relationship with his own family also was slowly getting better. His pack was near and also safe, all five of them, despite having to drill into Jah's head that yes, he is a part of it and no, it wasn't on a whim or a mistake. They kept him going, kept him sane, and kept him thankful, really. 

  
Most importantly, he had his husband at his side holding his hand through everything. He knew then, that they were going to be okay.

  
Even if it took take months, and months until past Josh's birthday, when they took the small paper Jah left on their hands some time ago. Months, and months of waiting, and trying together with a doctor who was much more sympathetic and patient with them throughout the arduous journey.

Months, and months, until Paulo finally landed himself in a hospital room of all places, with Ken hovering nervously and holding his hand like he's going to break it. Apparently he gave the younger omega an almost heart-attack for passing out in the middle of their collab writing session. Josh just barely made his entrance through the door before the doctor finally announced with a gleeful smile,

"Congratulations, Mr. Santos! You made it! You're five weeks pregnant!"

_To our little olive. Love, wherever you are, I hope you know that you are cherished. And if I can hope for more, I hope you find your way back to us._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I'll ever be able to write the feeling of a parent losing a child with the justice and sympathy it deserves. Loss and death will always be two sacred themes I try not to use often and write lightly for the sake of evoking emotions in my readers.
> 
> I do hope that this story will come across as a hopeful reminder. Despite things not going like you planned, they will eventually fall into place at the right time. There will be some that you might have wanted so much yet didn't get in the end, but don't be discouraged. If it's meant to be for you, it will come eventually. If it's not, then something better will come your way.
> 
> All will be alright in time.
> 
> Anyway, this is all for now. This has been my favorite baby in a while, as I definitely had fun writing this. I hope you enjoyed 'til the end. I'm planning to add more into this verse soon, but for now--
> 
> Happy SeJosh sailing!

**Author's Note:**

> As always, kudos and comments make me happy c:
> 
> How was it? Happy SeJosh sailing!


End file.
